V.G.B, the SABC and e-tv

Ah, splendid! A welcome return of letters to The Southern Suburbs Tatler, although this one is an SMS, I believe. (To express your viewpoint via this particular medium to this particular publication, SMS “TAT” (yes, really) to 32263.)

That what V.G.B did. V.G.B lives in Pinelands, so we probably shouldn’t take his/her viewpoint too seriously, but still, if he/she is going to take the time and make the effort to SMS “TAT” and then have his/her rant, it’s only fair that we should at least read what he/she had to say. Which was this:

IMG_20140328_111556Quoth V.G.B:

Who sees to the content of what is shown on TV? Why can’t that person do their job properly? The shows on TV are mostly repeats. Please employ somebody who knows that they are doing. The SABC is going down the drain. And, why are you showing porn on etv? Have you at etv got no morals? Then you wonder why there is so much rape and kidnapping in your community

V.G.B, Pinelands.

Woah! That’s a whole lot of questions and opinions in one single SMS to 32263, V.G.B.

My first issue with your first question is that you seem to have tacitly answered it within your second question. You are seemingly aware that it is the job of one person (who can’t do it properly). Are you perhaps looking for a specific name? “Bob”, perhaps? And why do you think they’re not doing their job properly? Maybe it’s just you that doesn’t like repeats (it’s not, but I bet you never considered that). Maybe other people like repeats because they missed the first broadcast. Maybe you’re just watching too much TV. Have you really got nothing better to do, like trying to escape from the 531 hood or SMS’ing to your local newspaper or something?

The SABC, you tell us, is going down the drain. Is this something you’ve only recently noticed, or is this statement the culmination of a decade or more’s worth of square-eyed research by your good self? I’m just asking because many of us came to that conclusion quite a while ago. Surely an expert on matters televisual such as yourself would also have noted this before now.

But you’re not content with poking fun at the ailing national broadcaster, are you? Oh no, etv is in your sights as well. It’s not entirely clear if you believe that the same individual (“Bob”) is also responsible for the content of what is shown on etv as well, but if so, you clearly remain quite disappointed in their scheduling abilities. Why are they showing porn? Well, obviously, as you state, it’s because they have no morals. Or because there’s a market for it. Which probably means that you think everyone watching has no morals. But then… how do you know etv is showing porn? Have you been watching it (solely for SMS-to-the-local-rag research, obviously)? Did you see that one with the plumber last Friday? Excellent cinematography, I felt.

Now, not only is this individual (“Bob”) scheduling repeats on SABC and showing porn on etv, he’s also apparently wondering why there is so much rape and kidnapping in his community. (How do you know where he lives, by the way?)
Your lack of any conjunction here leaves it unclear if you are linking these activities, but let’s assume that you are, in which case, let’s remind ourselves of the lack of any link between porn on tv and rape.

But then, that still leaves us the thorny issue (eina!) of why etv showing porn (and having no morals) should affect the prevalence of kidnapping in any given community. I have searched extensively and have failed to find a single article linking (or even suggesting any sort of link between) late night televisual sexual proclivities and kidnapping. Or burglary. Or money-laundering. Or any other crime, really. Do you have some other, hitherto unseen, evidence for this etv porn/community kidnapping link? Perhaps you have someone in mind who is simply so appalled by the choice of repeats or amoral smut that he goes out and steals people off the street as alternative entertainment or maybe even, as some sort of bizarre protest?
Or did you just choose a couple of random crimes to bolster your none case for the rubbish “Bob” has been giving us on Welfare TV? I wonder.

I guess that we can only hope that etv don’t start showing repeats of porn. Pinelands would simply not survive your apoplectic rage at such a coming together (careful now) of your much-maligned, twin travesties. )My concern is not for Pinelands, obviously, but for any collateral damage to surrounding, more important, suburbs.)

Having read the above, you may feel that I don’t really appreciate your insight into the issues of the day, electronically transmitted to the pages of the Tatler and then stuffed halfway into my letterbox. But that’s simply not the case. It’s merely that I don’t agree with anything you’ve said in this particular effort.
I’m sure that if you get your little 3310 out again this week, we can enjoy further discussions about other fascinating topics on here again this time next Friday.

The Tale of Blanket Man

More from the free weekly amusement that is the Southern Suburbs Tatler. You may recall the story of the annoying church bells, which they ran a couple of weeks ago.
This time, they’re reporting on a recent Residents’ and Ratepayers’ Association meeting in the suburb of Pinelands.
Now, I’ve no doubt that there are some serious issues being discussed here, but the way that reporter Lauren O’Connor wrote her article left me… bemused.

Several residents complained about two vagrants who frequent Pinelands. One is known as Blanket Man and the other as Beanie Man or Polo Classic.
Councillor Brian Watkyns said people were concerned because Blanket Man masturbates in front of children on their way to school.

Inspector Waters said police have arrested him for malicious damage to property.

Eh? How does that work, then? (Actually, don’t explain).

So, does Inspector W have any tips for getting rid of Blanket Man and his disgusting, depraved, dangerous and damaging “habit”?
Of course he does:

The reason why Blanket Man keeps coming is because people are giving him food.

Indeed. I believe that selenium and zinc are particularly important for that sort of thing.