First Horseman Sighted, Detained.

Breaking News here on your favourite neighbourhood blog: the much-anticipated first official sighting of a Horseman Of The Apocalypse has officially taken place somewhere around the border between Lesotho and the Free State. And while everyone thought they knew exactly which of the quartet was going to have a go at finishing us all off first, it’s a shock victory for Plague over the odds-on favourite, War.

In fact, the bug in question – Bacillus anthracis – is arguably much worse than Yersinia pestis (which causes bubonic plague). This one causes Anthrax: it’s all over landlocked Lesotho like a heavily infected blanket, and now it’s knocking at the door of SA.

The Veterinary Authority of Lesotho has reported three anthrax outbreaks to the World Organisation for Animal Health.

The department of agriculture, forestry and fisheries (DAFF) has banned livestock imports and their products from Lesotho into South Africa, following a report of a susceptible anthrax outbreak.

According to a report, the first outbreak started on May 12, and a total of 24 cattle were reported to have died of anthrax.

The good news for SA is that this first Horseman of the Apocalypse won’t be allowed to enter the country on his noble steed, due to the implementation of those livestock imports. And any of the other Horsemen of the Apocalypse – War, Famine and Conquest – hoping to cross the border into SA to kill us all, would likely also be stopped by these draconian, yet necessary, restrictions.

It’s actually a bit of an own goal for Plague, who has been under constant pressure since Fleming’s discovery of penicillin in 1928 and the vaccine work of Edward Jenner and Jonas Salk, both of which have really limited the options available when it comes to ending the world through disease.
Even though his policy of over-prescription of antibiotics and his recruitment of Andrew Wakefield in the late 90s has had some detrimental effect on the general health of the human race, we’re actually still some way from losing the war with microbes. And this new development of trapping each of his companions on the wrong side of a border point near Maseru is certainly not going to win him any fans amongst those anxious to see all life ending in South Africa – and indeed, the world.

I know. Few would have thought that the planet’s impending doom would have been altogether less impending because of some underpaid Home Affairs officials in the middle of the Free State countryside, but it does seem that, with the scary blokes and their equine companions banged up in Lesotho, the world is safe – at least for the time being.

We’ll be keeping you updated on this story as Donald Trump sends in American helicopters and a Navy Seals extraction team to grab War and Conquest ahead of his planned nuclear obliteration of Iran.

Happy Days.

WLP

I’m not putting this on here for the reasons you might already be thinking of. I did hear it on the radio yesterday, and that was definitely for those reasons, but I’m steering clear of all that stuff on here (at least for the moment).

It is a great song – one of my favourites by REM – and deserves to be highlighted, regardless of the current global political machinations.

And this is albeit that the band themselves volunteered it as an anti-Trump song last year in yet another move which didn’t destroy him.

This is a longer live version, complete with a really young Michael Stipe (hey, it was filmed in 1989!), plenty of stick and chair action and a cinematic video. It takes a while to get going.

Be patient. Trust me.

QUOCKERWODGER

The infamous QI Elves shared this on Twitter over the weekend:

I think it was conveniently timed to coincide with the upcoming Trump inauguration, but to be fair, we had our own quockerwodger long before DT came onto the political scene.

It seems like it is a borrowed definition:

The term quockerwodger, although originally referring to a wooden toy figure which jerks its limbs about when pulled by a string, has been supplemented with a political meaning. A pseudo-politician, one whose strings of action are pulled by somebody else, is now often termed a quockerwodger.

But it’s a highly accurate one for our President. And – if the “fake news” are to be believed – theirs as well.

Zuma on Trump

All-round nice guy and democratically elected President of the Republic of South Africa says “well done” to all-round nice guy and democratically elected President of the United States of America.

I think that’s what’s happening, anyway…

A transcript of the video, including JZ’s words, may assist you in comprehending the depth of his feelings for Mr Trump.

[Microsoft Movie Maker titles and intro]

For now, it… it is a report that have come.
If he has won, the Americans have felt that this is a man.
I don’t think anyone could have anything.
We are saying congratulation to him.

[CGI SA flag]
[Fade to 15 seconds of silent darkness]

Eish.

Don’t blame Donald

Some of the adjectives used to describe Donald Trump in the lead up (and now aftermath) of the US Election have been… “choice”, shall we say?

But what if there was a hidden side to President Elect Trump?
What if his seemingly angry, outward persona is merely as a result of deep, lasting trauma?

I’m certainly not saying that the manifestation of that persona is excusable, merely that it might be more understandable if we could pin it on some difficult experience he had suffered.

I’m talking about this photo, obviously.

4ebbc8ab-1334-4759-b388-46f59f49acac

This is the side of Donald Trump that no-one has ever seen. This is the moment that has scarred him for life. See how he tries to pose for the cameras, tries to appear cool, attempting to grasp a probably-wriggling beagle.
See how it refuses to look anything but profoundly disappointed.
See how it has (almost certainly) chewed something important of his.

This isn’t behaviour specific to its proximity to Donald Trump.
We’ve all been there.

And these things can affect a man. I don’t profess to wanting to build a big wall or have individuals of a certain religion removed from my presence. And I’m certainly not defending those views. Not at all.

I’m merely suggesting that being near a beagle can change a person.
And not in a good way.

Those commentators concerned over Trump’s new democratically-given access to the “Big Red Button” controlling America’s significant nuclear arsenal (and the implications thereof) would do well to glance to the bottom right of the image above and the wide selection of baseball bats. None of which he has used on the beagle. This sort of evidence of extreme restraint will obviously come as some comfort to you hysterical individuals.

Like it or not (and I suspect I could likely gauge the majority public response from my readers) Donald Trump is the new POTUS.

But don’t ever be fooled: the beagles are still in charge.