Mélange

And they delivered today. Happy times!

You can now listen to (some of) Morten Harket’s new single “Lightning”, here.

Does fracking cause earthquakes? No, says Ivo Vegter, although certain commenters disagree. It’s ok though – Ivo gleefully re-educates them.

Cape Town water is still safe to drink, despite a slight “earthy” taste. It’s just the 15ng/litre of geosmin, like it is every year at this time.

What do you call a fish with no eye? A fsh. As spotted on the menu at Erawan last night. Great place, awesome decor, amazing food.

And now, in the interests of romance, I’m going to sit down and hug a beer in front of some Champions League football.

Great wine

Incoming from Getwine:

In the nearly seven years of Getwine’s existence we have had some fantastic flagship unlabelled wines from farms such as Rustenberg, Saxenburg, Buitenverwachting, Morgenhof, Delaire and many more. These top wines come and unfortunately also go, for example the Asara Ebony that we recently sold the last bottle of.

But like I said, there are always new wines that are offered to us and I must say that I am very, very excited about a range of ultra premium unlabelled wines that recently arrived at our Getwine depot from a well known wine estate in Franschhoek, which we are unfortunately not allowed to mention.

The three wines are listed below.

Select Cabernet/Pinotage 2007 @ R65 per bottle.
Regular cellar door price: R118
Platter * * * * 1/2 – Typical expression of a well structured unique South African blend. Flavours of mulberries, cassis, cinnamon, cloves and cigar box. Silky soft but well structured tannins with loads of berry fruit and spices on the palate.

Select Cabernet Sauvignon 2007 @ R69 per bottle.
Regular cellar door price: R187
Platter * * * * – Cedarwood and cigarbox flavours combined with rich dark berry fruit on the nose. Cassis, mulberry and spices on the palate. A full bodied, firmly structured wine with concentrated fruit, a balanced mouth-feel and a fresh after-palate typical to the Firgrove terroir from which the grapes derive.

Select Shiraz/Viognier 2007 @ R69 per bottle.
Regular cellar door price: R235
Platter * * * * 1/2 – This wine shows meaty spiciness, ripe dark berry fruits and beautiful floral aromas. The integration of the Viognier supports and enhances the rich and ripe flavours of the Shiraz, while softening the tannin structure. A full bodied wine with depth, complexity and elegance.

You don’t have to think too hard to see where these wines are from and what they might be. All of which means that you can see what an amazing deal this is. Stocks are probably limited, which is why I’ve got my order in before I hit the PUBLISH button.

Add to that Getwine’s legendary service and you could be sipping red like a boss by this time tomorrow. You’d be silly to miss out – tell them I sent you.

Sasha Martinengo to leave 5fm – The (un)official press release

GET MORE amusing and satirical posts like this one: LIKE the 6000.co.za Facebook page.

There was much chatter yesterday on the social networks and then today came the confirmation that DJ Sasha Martinengo will be leaving 5FM at the end of March, after being with the station for 17 years. Here’s what their press release said (sort of):

5FM is sad to announce that, after 17 years on air, Sasha Martinengo will be leaving the station at the end of March 2012. The decision comes as part of the station’s annual line-up change, which takes place from 1 April 2012. Explains 5FM’s station manager Aisha Mohamed, “Line-up changes are an unfortunate part of the radio landscape. Annually, 5FM, along with the SABC’s 17 other radio properties, evaluate their on-air line-up for the year ahead and we are always careful to ensure that we implement these changes on April 1st each year. That’s how we managed to get Grant & Anele into the afternoon slot. Everyone thought it was just a sick April Fool’s joke, and by the time they realised that it was actually genuine, the contracts were signed and it was a done deal.”

“Sasha will unfortunately not be with us from April onwards. The change comes as part of a long-term strategic plan to revise our on air offering. From our extensive research, we’ve noted that many people are at work during working hours. If these workers are listening to the radio, they are less productive and as the national broadcaster, we feel that it’s important to improve national productivity in the interests of the country as a whole. As part of this plan, we are actively encouraging people to switch off their radios during the day and to do some work.”

Aisha continues, “So far, we’ve been extremely successful in cutting our listener numbers between 12 and 3pm, with an incredible 95% switch off rate – and we estimate that most of the remaining 5% would rather be doing anything other than listening to 5FM during those hours. From these figures, we can see that it is foolish to employ DJs with any talent or personality who people might actually listen to during the day. We are enormously appreciative of Sasha’s incredible work ethic, his dedication to the listeners and his support of the 5FM brand. He’s just too good at his job though and so he has to go. The station needs to evolve and change as our listeners do and we’re banking on engaging a more unfunny, brain-dead audience. He will be a hard act to follow and whoever replaces him in the studio will struggle enormously, as Grant & Anele have proven literally every day since starting here.”

Says Sasha, “Working at 5FM hasn’t just been a job, it’s been my life. I’d like to think I have entertained my listeners over the years. I have had a brilliant time and will miss my 5FM family. Thank you for all the years of fun and support.”

Newsreader Kim Schulze was also shocked at the news, “Comrades, the safety of the travelling public is the amongst the most important challenges we face and it is for this reaso…”

I’m sorry, that’s the incorrect soundbite.

Adds 5FM’s Aisha, “It has been absolutely wonderful working with Sasha. He’s been a huge asset to the 5FM team and we will miss him as an on-air personality and as a team player. But look out for news of an exciting new show with Grant & Anele from 9 until 3 each day. I bet you can’t wait, right?

Hello?

Hello?”

(The genuine press release (some of which you may be able to pick out from the text above) is available here.)

The Worst Idea Larry Ever Had™

When you move your entire life 6000 miles… from home, it can be a bit of a wrench. And that’s putting it mildly. Uprooting yourself and everything else from all that is near, dear and known to you and transplanting it to somewhere way, way out of your comfort zone is no fun – despite the rewards on offer should the move be successful.

And so it was I moved to SA and struggled to settle, despite the best laid plans of Mrs 6k, her friends and family and the dear, dear Department of Home Affairs who made it abundantly clear that they would love me to hang around as long as I kept filling in forms and handing over money.
One of the things that made life a whole lot easier was joining up with The Firm. Now, this isn’t some scary Tom Cruise film whereby your company takes over your life, this is a football team. Because there’s nothing better than social football to get you meeting nice people, getting some exercise, drinking some beers and kicking seven bells of crap out of the oppostion on a Tuesday evening.

The Firm is often labelled as The Best Idea Larry Ever Had™, Larry being the guy in charge who had the idea of converting a group of Fantasy Footballists into a crack squad of 7-a-side footballers. The mix is just right: a hint of youth, a tablespoon of experience and a dash of competitiveness, all topped off with a dreamy helping of enjoyment.
We play every week; most we win, some we lose – occasionally we’ll bring home a trophy for our troubles. It’s perfection.

But then, if The Firm was The Best Idea Larry Ever Had™, the idea that Larry had on Sunday was probably The Worst Idea Larry Ever Had™. The plan, as usual, was to have a bit of a run out on a Sunday morning down at the Greek club. And hour of 5 on 5, whites vs coloureds (Shirts, people. Shirts) ahead of spending the rest of the day with family, on the beach or flopped on the couch in front of some Premier League action. But there was no slot free at the Greek club that morning until 11. And it was when Larry was told this that Larry had The Worst Idea Larry Ever Had™.

Cool. We’ll take it!

Holy crap. What a mistake.

Pulling into the car park at ten to, I noted that it was 36°C on my car’s thermometer. In the shade.
As I stepped out of my airconditioned comfort out into the Green Point sunshine, I was met by a wall of thick, still, hot air.
Some sort of sense of self-preservation should probably have kicked in here. But it didn’t. And so, armed only with several litres of cold water and a willingness to kick some balls, we headed out into the heat of the almost midday full sun.

It was horrible. One of the worst footballing experiences of my life. Within 2 minutes of running around, I was gasping, drenched through with sweat and feeling dizzy and nauseous. These, even by Cape Town standards, were extreme conditions. The ball wasn’t even flying through the air properly. I felt truly awful.
Some sort of sense of self-preservation should probably have kicked in here. But it didn’t. And so, with a couple of breaks, we continued to toil for an hour. What utter, utter idiots.

It killed us. I have heard no positive comment come out of the camp since the game finished. In fact, as one of the other protagonists pointed out last night – I’ve heard very little from anyone. He and I may indeed be the only survivors.
It literally took me two hours to cool down when I got home. Yesterday afternoon, I vomited twice, drank a case full of energy drinks and took a whole packet of Imodium and I’m still completely broken. I’m left frantically looking for some sort of Reset button for my body. Does anyone have the instruction manual, please?

Thing is, I’ve learned nothing from this experience. When the shout comes for next Sunday’s game, I won’t consider the weather forecast. I’ll be there and I’ll probably almost kill myself again.

So there you have it. If you’re looking to try and settle down in a foreign country, join a social football team and see if you can completely destroy your body on a hot Sunday lunchtime.

You’re welcome.