The Curse of The Stig

In news that has shocked the world, and just a week after he was revealed as the human face of Top Gear’s “The Stig” , comes the sad news of the death of Michael Jackson. Few would argue that Jackson’s story was amongst the most incredible in modern day history. Having released the best selling album of all time in 1982, Michael went on to win no fewer than seven Formula One Drivers Championships, while successfully defending himself against allegations of child molestation and, less successfully, of being German.

Jackson’s trademark was the Moonwalk, in which he would go out on slick tyres on a wet track and spin backwards around the circuit, while the wheels would actually appear to be going forwards. He was also famed for wearing one glove while driving (and often, another glove on the other hand). 

Michael’s family played a large part in his career, most notably in Scream, a 1995 duet with his youngest sister Janet, and also many on-track duels with his younger brother Ralf who drove for Williams. In addition, bizarre allegations surrounded whether Michael and his sister La Toya were actually the same person and, while these rumours were discounted, Ralf did – at one time – drive for Toyota, who was Jackson’s older brother.
You can see where the confusion arose.

The most successful part of Michael’s career was spent with Ferrari, during which time he released the critically-acclaimed album Bad. A track on the album, called Speed Demon was his tribute to Jeremy Clarkson, and featured the lyrics:

I’m Headed For Gambon, It’s On My Mind
And Coming Round The Follow-Through, I’ve Got To Be On Time

while Man in the Mirror was seen by many as a dig at Jacques Villeneuve, who regularly finished behind him in races.

Jackson was also infamous for his repeated visits to plastic sturgeons around the world and is widely believed to be the mastermind behind the tacky “plastic singing fish” craze which swept across America in the late 1990s.
His nose was also made of plastic, but didn’t sing.

His final revelation, that he was racing driver “The Stig”, came as a huge surprise to fans of Top Gear and Jackson alike. However, doubts still exist as to the veracity of the claim and many believe that the revelation was nothing more than a publicity stunt. Commentators pointed to the lack of sequins on The Stig’s racing suit and his apparent fear of children.
However, the transformation of the ‘tamed racing driver’ from black to white while the King of Pop underwent the same change is surely solid evidence that Michael Jackson was indeed The Stig.

He will be sadly missed. He touched many people (and now they can’t sue him).

15 thoughts on “The Curse of The Stig

  1. hilarious!

    …love your irreverence…

    I cannot find a cell in my body that is sad over his death.

  2. Hahaha You are hilarious! Completely inappropriate while not at all in bad taste. Really enjoy your writing 🙂

  3. RG > I don’t have all the answers, I’m afraid.

    Lan > One of my knees is surprisingly upset. I was shocked.

    Nadia > Thanks. Will aim for more bad taste next time.

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