The big news just in from Observatory, Cape Town is that independent cellular phone specialists M I Cellular are branching out into the world of the ELECTRONICS CIGARETTES. I know this because they have a sign on the wall telling people about it:
But that’s not all. Readers of the sign will also note that there are two other big bits of news here too.
Firstly, there’s the revelation that it’s not just upon entering the M I Cellular shop that you can enjoy the benefits of their new range. As you can clearly see, there are EXITING NEW FLAVOURS as well. You literally can’t get these when you’re on your way in; you actually have to spend some amount of time in the M I Cellular store and then it’s only as you leave that this offer is available to you. I’m not quite sure how you go about paying for these EXITING NEW FLAVOURS, because by definition, you will already have exited the shop. Maybe you only have to start heading towards the door for this deal to suddenly appear before you. I don’t know and I couldn’t try it out because they were closed when I wandered past just before 8 o’clock this morning.
What I can tell you though is that vaguely hanging around near the door of M I Cellular (a portal which appears to feature as both an entrance and an exit) simply isn’t enough. No EXITING NEW FLAVOURS were made available to me, despite my prolonged loiterage.
IT JUST DIDN’T WORK.
And then secondly, there’s obviously been a huge change in the anti-smoking laws in South Africa. Many of these relate back to the Tobacco Products Control (Act 83 of 1993) (which was obviously assented to the Act 12 of 1999), and the now infamous Tobacco Products Control Amendment Act (Act 23 of 2007).
These Acts basically forbid individuals from smoking in various places: bars, restaurants, schools, workplaces, covered balconies etc etc.
TALK ABOUT ARCHAIC!
No more. As you can clearly see, not only can “u” now “smoke anywhere, anytime”, but in addition “nobody can stop u”. Of course, it seems likely that there is some degree of hyperbole involved here.
For starters, you’re not allowed to smoke an ELECTRONICS CIGARETTES on planes – they make specific reference to this in the safety video. And that goes for the entire plane journey, so the “anywhere, anytime” thing falls down a little there. Also, if you were to try to tell one of the cabin crew that M I Cellular said you could “vape” on board, then you’d be in contravention of the 2009 Civil Aviation Act (Act 13 of 2009), Chapter 11, Part 1, Section 135.
You could end up in prison for 6 months. And while that’s not great, I’m sure you’d be allowed to smoke in there.
The guys at M I Cellular reckon so, anyway.
Oh, and then there’s my house. No smoking in there, I’m afraid. Not for “u”, or any other Tom, Dick or Harry. I don’t care if M I Cellular want to live in some fantasy world in which “nobody can stop u”. I’ll stop “u”. And then I’ll chuck “u” out – and don’t expect any EXITING NEW FLAVOURS as “u” leave.
All in all, if you’re looking to be a bit of a rebel when it comes to smoking legislation, and you’re hoping for some inspiring (pun intended) and novel tastes upon any given egress, ELECTRONICS CIGARETTES is probably for you.
And M I Cellular is the place to go to get it.