Management speak

Corporate nonsense, isn’t it?

Keep it simple, stupid. Just say what you mean. It’s a meeting, you’re not “touching base”. You wrote someone an email, you didn’t “reach out” to them. You finished that report, you didn’t “close the loop”.

I’m instantly wary of people using management speak. They’re trying to hide something, whether it’s their innate stupidity, a lack of self-confidence, or some bad news. That’s why I was suspicious when I saw this update from the Cape Wheel at the V&A Waterfront:

u wot m8?

“Restructuring your ticket options”? Those options being an adult ticket or a child ticket. That looks very similar to what’s currently on offer. That’s not “restructuring”, that’s “applying a non-varying approach”.

What has changed then, as beagle-eyed readers will already have noticed, is the price. Here’s where we stand currently:

And “focussing in on the paramount datum”:

We learn then that basically, “restructuring our ticket options” actually means increasing the prices for a ride by an impressive 20%.

As an aside, inflation in South Africa is currently running at 6.4%.

So that’s a pretty hefty restructuring.

In the spirit of these linguistically disguised augmentations, I’ve just told Mrs 6000 that I’m going to be “restructuring my alcohol consumption options” over the summer holidays. The beverages of choice will remain wine, beer and brandy, so I guess that – like the Cape Wheel’s ticketing options – some other parameter variable (see comments below) of the alcohol consumption will have to change.

I wonder what that could be.

Bussessessses

Meanwhile, at the Waterfront, the left lane on Dock Road is reserved for specific vehicles:

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The only problem being that the accepted plural of the word ‘bus’ is ‘buses’. That’s not to say that the erstwhile road painters are entirely incorrect though, merely that they are wildly out of date:

In 21st-century English, buses is the preferred plural of the noun bus. Busses appears occasionally, and dictionaries list it as a secondary spelling, but it’s been out of favour for over a century. This is true in all main varieties of English.

As I mentioned yesterday, visiting Ye Olde Aquarium was on our list over the weekend, before catching the last stagecoach home.

Scary animals ruin Waterfront

Not quite. But almost.

Incoming from the Two Oceans Aquarium (where we’re going on Saturday) – there’s been an invasion of isopods.

Isopods refer to a group of crustaceans that include terrestrial and aquatic species like woodlice and rock lice. Some isopods eat decaying plant and animal matter, others graze on food particles from the water around them, a few are predators, and some are internal or external parasites.

Also, my dodgy Latin says they all have the same number of feet. Or something.

Nice.

You can go and have a look at the photos of this rather extraordinary “bloom” on the link above. there are an awful lot of them (Isopods, not photos). It’s fascinating, but apparently it does cause some issues for the aquarium:

Much of the water for our exhibits is from the harbour surrounding our building, and we’ve had to shut down our intake pipes. Once all the isopods die off – also as a result of oxygen deprivation – they will sink to the bottom. Then, once oxygen levels go back up (because there are fewer organisms in the water using this oxygen now) the dead isopod bodies will start decomposing like mad. This will cause an ammonia spike in the water, making the water toxic to the animals in our exhibits and so still not suitable for our use. We will be keeping the Aquarium’s life-support system on a closed system until the water quality returns to normal.

I’m not sure how long the aquarium can keep their life-support systems off, but if it’s anything like the Starship Enterprise (spoiler: it’s not), then I don’t think it’s very long at all before the guy in the red shirt suffocates. Hopefully this won’t be the case at the aquarium, because it would be nice to not have to step over dead bodies as we’re having a look round on the weekend.

HMS Lancaster in Cape Town

Yeah. It’s a British warship, but it’s named after a place on *that side* of the Pennines. Still, it was deemed worthy of a 21-gun salute from Signal Hill this morning (thus alarming thousands of unaware Capetonians who thought we were under attack and prompting a flurry of hits on this old post), and it might also be something you want to go and see on the public holiday and pseudo long weekend.

Hey. Great news. You can.

The ship will be open to the public on Heritage Day, 24 September. This will enable members of the public to board and view the ship. Visitors will be able to tour the upper deck, view the impressive weapon systems and see the new Wildcat Helicopter and her aircrew.

As with all these opportunities, you should probably expect long queues, but if you can get on board, you should probably expect quite a tour as well. Details are on that link above.

New Exhibit for Aquarium

Cape Town’s Two Oceans Aquarium has announced that they will have a new predator exhibit open by the end of the year. As regular visitors (and “Solemates”), our family is particularly delighted at this news.

Tunnel_1-620x414

The new exhibit will hold 1.5 million litres of water and will feature – as demonstrated above – a 10 metre long tunnel, made from a single acrylic panel, meaning a seamless window into the six metre deep tank.

It’s going to be spectacular. Cannot wait.

Some of the species will include spotted eagle rays, honeycomb rays, smooth hound and spotted gully sharks as well as Yoshi the loggerhead turtle and Cannelloni the green turtle. “I am particularly excited about the possibility of displaying skipjack and longfin tuna. In the early days of the Aquarium we displayed these fast-swimming fish, but the ragged-tooth sharks ate them! This time they will be safe as the raggies will be in a different display” says Technical Manager Mike de Maine.

We have similar woes – albeit on a slightly smaller scale – with our fishtank at home.

Building work is due to start by the end of this month and it’s hoped that the exhibit will be open by the end of the year.
Follow their progress on Facebook and Twitter.