Ugandan Discussions

I haven’t been there and hey, I’m a married man, so Uganda not a regular topic for discussion*.

I’ve heard many good things from friends and colleagues who have worked, lived and/or visited Uganda, but given the flu-like symptoms I am currently experiencing (and by flu-like, I mean flu-like and not influenza) (yet), I’m quite glad I haven’t been there.

Flu-like symptoms is how a cold starts. It’s also how influenza starts. And of course, it’s how Ebola infection first manifests itself. And that’s what is killing Ugandans left, right, but mainly centre right now.

Obviously, you guys will be the first to know when I start leaking blood from every orifice.

*Ugandan Discussions at Urban Dictionary

‘What are you people doing up here?’

That’s what Ugandan President Yoweri Museveni said he wants to ask the Americans, during an address to an assembly of Uganda’s top lawyers on Saturday. “Up here” refers to space, apparently – specifically the moon.

“Uganda alone cannot go to the moon. We are too small. But East Africa united can. That is what East African integration is all about,” he said. “Then we can say to the Americans: ‘What are you doing here all alone?’.”

I’ve never been to Uganda, but I have spoken with some people there using the medium of the telephone. While Africa may lag some distance behind the rest of the world, in urban areas, basic stuff like telephones are a given.
Kampala, particularly, has a fairly decent telecommunications network, which makes me wonder why Mr Museveni can’t just call some Americans on the phone and ask them what they are doing on the moon. A quick google search of “NASA telephone numbers” gives NASA HQ’s number as (202) 358-0000. I think you add a 1 before that to get to the USA, if that helps at all, Mr President.

Even if they are currently all alone on the moon, just leave a voicemail and they’ll get back to you as soon as they return. And then they can tell you what they were doing up there.  You won’t need to spend billions of Ugandan Shillings (at 2207.50 to the US dollar) on a costly, dangerous and lengthy space programme, you’ll just have to cough up for an international phone call.

If you get Skype, it’ll be even cheaper.

“The Americans have gone to the moon. And the Russians. The Chinese and Indians will go there soon. Africans are the only ones who are stuck here,” Museveni said.

Well, yes. The Africans, certainly. And the Peruvians. Don’t forget them. And the Spanish. And the Saudi Arabians. But Saudi Arabia is a great place and they probably don’t want to leave anyway. And the Welsh. And the Swiss. Nice mountains; great cows. And the Malaysians – most of them have never even been outside Malaysia, let alone to the moon. And the… [continues ad nauseum]