Satanic clothing line from Satanic singer

News today that Céline “Sicky” Dion’s new clothing line for kids, Celenununu, has been described as “definitely Satanic” by certain elements of the Catholic church should come as no surprise to anyone.

Not least because the Catholic church has a long history of calling anything they don’t like or understand “Satanic”, but also because Céline Dion is the Devil incarnate, as amply demonstrated by the demonic screeching sound emanating from her cakehole with terrifying regularity.

While not being a believer in the occult or follower of any sort of religion I’ve long advocated that some sort of exorcism process should be inflicted carried out on Ms Dion, as whatever malevolent spirit is possessing her is clearly causing her – and anyone listening to her – great pain.

It’s both brave and welcome of the National Catholic Register’s spokesangel Patti Armstrong to step up and state that Céline and her clothing line are the work of Beelzebub.

Monsignor John Esseff, who’s been a Catholic priest for 65 years and an exorcist at Pennsylvania’s Diocese of Scranton for more than 40 years explained that the major issue with the clothing line was its (Satanic) gender neutrality:

The devil is going after children by confusing gender. When a child is born, what is the first things we say about that child? It’s a boy, or it’s a girl. That is the most natural thing in the world to say. But to say that there is no difference is Satanic.

And, if you subscribe to the hypothesis that the idea of gender neutrality is Satanic, then Céline Dion’s self-confessed gender neutral clothing line for kids is indeed completely Satanic.

The adverts for the clothing line do nothing to dispel the allegations either:

CELINUNUNU dropped their official ad for the partnership on November 13. It shows Dion breaking into a children’s hospital wing and blowing black glitter on newborns that eventually erases all signs of pink and blue.

Blowing black glitter at babies?

Burn her at the stake.

One of the funniest aspect of all this is that Satanists – represented in this case by Lucien Greaves, spokesperson and co-founder of The Satanic Temple – clearly don’t want their good name sullied by associated with Sicky:

On the face of it, the charge that Céline Dion is spreading Satanism by way of her gender-neutral clothing line is absurd.

Even while wanting to take a pop at their (im)mortal enemy of the Catholic church, Satanist are trying to distance themselves from the dreadful “singer”.

As far as I know, Céline Dion has no explicit ties to Satanism, nor do I believe she views her own clothing line as implicitly endorsing a Satanic viewpoint.

“Don’t blame us, guv.”

We tried to reach Satan for official comment, but because He doesn’t exist (and also because we’d used up all our candles during the loadshedding), we were unable to do so.

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