Tag: shit websites (not this one)

Census debacle

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We have to do a census thing. It’s been at least 10 years since the last one and we need to stand up and be counted – for reasons. There’s an option to do it online (thank the heavens) and I gladly grasped that with both hands, so that the beagle wouldn’t eat the local volunteer. But then I noticed that the URL it sent me to ended with gov.za and my heart sank.
It’ll be shit, I thought.
And it is.
Because in true South African government style, the UI is just horrible, nothing works properly and the things it is asking me are… well… bizarre.

Like:

So, I put our house number (let’s say it’s 25) and then “House”, because we live in a house (I didn’t think it actually needed to know what colour it was from the Plascon range) and now – even though it said that it was going to ask for my address later in the process – it thinks my address is “25 House”. Which is going to get it rejected immediately.
Perhaps a field asking for – I don’t know – my “Address” might have been a better way forward. Because no-one wanting your details in any other circumstance asks:

OK, and could I have your name, unit/flat number and further description of the structure/unit, please?

Do they?

And who lives at “500 Green House”, anyway? The SA Post Office isn’t going to be able to deliver anything to you with an address like that, are they? Mind you, the SA Post Office is so dysfunctional and wrecked by corruption and theft that it isn’t really able to deliver anything to anyone anyway, so why not go for 500 Green House? Just for the giggles.

And it’s already a LOT of work. Especially if you have moved from “8 House” to “25 House” since the last census. Which we have. So I tell it that we’ve moved and it asks “where from?”, but won’t allow me to enter anything but Athlone, Belhar or Bellville. So now I’ve moved from Belhar simply because at least it’s an answer I can give, and it asks “Why did you move?”.

I mean, have you seen Belhar?

But more seriously, I selected that the household had moved. Just moved house. No divorce, no fire, no death or destruction: we just moved house. But then, even though it already knows exactly who lives in my household, I have to jump through all the same hoops for my wife. And my son. And my daughter. One of us now comes from Athlone. I think it’s the missus.

Ugh. Just populate the form for me.
I don’t have time for 176 drop down menus for each person – most of which don’t work (the menus, not the people) – when I’ve already given you all the same information, anyway.

And I wasn’t even halfway through the very first section.

To add insult to injury, the site then crashed. And I can’t get back in. So, long story short, I’ve given up. I’ll try again tomorrow now I’m more aware of the size of the mountain of bullshit between me and the finish line.
I will prepare with coffee and biltong and lock myself away in my office until it’s all done.

Right now though: some football, I think.

More important news…

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Further to my exposé yesterday on the exposé that there was new evidence suggesting that the government is using NASA to air drop Lithium on the masses, in which I exposed that there was no such evidence, I’ve had literally an email asking me to check up on other claims from that same dodgy site.

There’s a lot of stuff on there though, so I’m going to have to skim through it or we’re going to be bogged down for ages, and I’ve got a steak dinner planned for Thursday. If I haven’t died of lithium poisoning.

We’re not. But ok, if we were:

According to Graham, who owns the YouTube channel [redacted], certain extra-terrestrial beings are present inside the UFOs that can be seen from the ISS, and that they will soon reveal themselves not just to the astronauts that might be out in space already, but also to the rest of the world itself.

But they won’t. But ok, if they did.

In Graham’s view, it would really be in our best interest if visiting aliens are non-hostile.

No shit, Graham. You don’t say?

Next:

HOAX.

Next:

Or maybe try the chemotherapy or radiotherapy regimen that your oncologist, who has studied for literally years and years to become a specialist in this difficult field, is more likely to advise, given that the aforementioned Budwig Diet seems to consist solely of a:

cottage cheese and flax oil mixture

although:

the diet has been used successfully in the treatment of cancer and other conditions for the last 50 years

really? According to whom?

…according to anecdotal studies.

With cottage cheese and flax oil readily available over the counter of your local branches of Pick n Pay and Dischem it really is a wonder that cancer is even still a thing.

You do the maths.

And then there was this:

Apparently, one of the many alleged benefits of Himalayan singing bowl therapy is toxin elimination, but I think they must mean Himalayan singing bowels. The public toilets of Kathmandu are indeed an incredible aural experience.

They are available as both pure singing bowls or hand-hammered versions made from an alloy of seven metals, which symbolize the seven planets, days of the week, primary colors, and musical notes.

There are 8 planets (9 if you include Pluto), 7 days of the week, 3 primary colours and 12 musical notes. I’m just saying.

Onto my pet subject: microbiology! And big news in the fight against antibiotic resistance:

Sounds good – what are you using instead, 25-year old student?

We’ve developed a new class of antimicrobial agents, which are very unique. They come in the form of tiny star-shaped molecules that are made from short chains of proteins.

Given that antibiotics is just a simplified word for “antimicrobial agents”, I think that headline might need to be altered just slightly:

Fixed. But wait. What’s this?

The suggestion (of course) is that this was an alien ship carrying… well… aliens. But this article is from last November. And yet we’re all still here. It seems likely therefore that the aliens were defeated through a combination of flax oil, cottage cheese and antibiotics antimicrobial agents.

And regarding aliens, I’ll leave you with this difficult juxtaposition:

The Bastards! But also:

The Bastards!

Horrible and scary. So stressed right now.
I’m going back to my Himalayan Singing Bowl.