Football: Cape Town City win PSL title

There were amazing scenes at Cape Town City FC HQ this morning as it was confirmed that Cape Town City FC (the artists formerly known as Mpumalanga Black Aces FC) announced that they have secured the 2016/17 PSL Title in their inaugural season.

Aces/City actually finished 3rd when the arduous, old fashioned process of actually playing games and getting points was taken into account, but as their spokesperson Purchase Status told the assembled SA football press this morning:

We realised that since we had just bought our way into the league, we might as well go the whole hog and buy the title as well. It doesn’t always have to be about winning, getting points and your playing ability.
If you give local bloggers enough free caps and keyrings and stuff, that’s almost the same as being a real local club. Naturally, it’s a small step from there to buying the title.

Indeed, in the PSL, money talks: while we were at the City press conference, news came through that Amazulu – who finished in 5th place in the NFD in 2016/17 – had bought their place in the PSL for next season. But paying for position and honours isn’t always plain sailing, as Status went on to explain:

We made Bidvest Wits an offer that they couldn’t refuse, but they did refuse it, so then we simply threatened to buy their whole club and move it to Cape Town, and suddenly they changed their mind and sold us the 2016/17 title.

Plans are being made for a victory parade through the city, but no-one is sure whether it should be in Mbombela or Cape Town. Either way, we’re told that huge billboard-sized pictures of hundreds Cape Town City FC fans are being printed to line the route – wherever it may happen.

We’ll be spraying the crowds with JC La Roux bubbly. Sure, it’s not real French champagne, but then this isn’t a real club or a real title, so it kinda fits.

Who knows what the 2017/18 PSL season will bring us, aside from a poorly-attended, often interrupted, absolutely pointless charade in which the clubs with the most money will simply buy their way to where they want to be?

This is a blog post about a news website article about a scientific paper

“The Lay Scientist” Martin Robbins opens the sluice gates of his reservoir of satire and lets the contents loose on the Guardian website:

And I can’t really do it justice here – you have to read it yourself by clicking the link above. Suffice to say it’s damn accurate – in fact, the only bit it really omits is the blatant scientifically incorrect statement somewhere within the article.

Even the commenters are getting in on the act:

Brilliant.