Stick in a five and go

I got punched last night. Quite hard. On the bit of my chest where it kind of joins my shoulder: bang in the pectoral. Right hand side.
It was quite a firm punch. Not massively hard, but certainly not a tickle either.

It was definitely enough to wake me up.

My time was 04:59 and the culprit was my wife. Having thumped me, she went back to sleep and I was left wondering why on earth I had been the victim of this wholly unprovoked assault. And let’s be absolutely clear here: an assault is exactly what this was, not some restless flailing arm. This was a decent right hook, clenched fist, delivered with reasonable force.

When I tackled her (not literally) about the incident this morning, she denied all knowledge of it. Which is exactly what she would do, of course. If there was ever an easy way to absolve oneself from allegations of spousal abuse, you wait until the wee small hours of the morning, stick in a five an go.

No witnesses, no protracted argument: claim total innocence.
And how can I even argue?

But hey: if I suddenly succumb to an overnight death by punching, you’ll know where to go looking, right?