Tag: kids

On Hitting Children

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Much local outrage (again) at the news that the government is considering a ban on the use of corporal punishment in the home. I suspect we’ll see one (or more) open letters written this week on the subject.

“Yippie.”

The furore has, once again, ignited the fires of indignation at alleged government interference in our private lives, and with it, brought out a bewildering defensive pride in some parents, unapologetically crowing that they hit their kids and no-one was going to stop them.

This post is not here to agree or disagree with the proposed legislation. In addition, in writing it, I’m not intending to pass comment on your choice of parenting methods either. Although, I think some of these examples are going a bit far and I was unpleasantly surprised to find the Bible thinks corporal punishment is just fine (but apparently only cos it’s preferable to Hell):

The rod is the family’s symbol of authority: “Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish him with the rod, he will not die. Punish him with the rod and save his soul from death.” Proverbs 23:13-14.

Whole. Different. Argument.

So let’s not go there.

No, I just wanted to point out the strange (to me, at least) differences in the way we regard physical action against kids compared to physical action against other members of society.
To that end, I’ve taken some of the comments I saw on the subject this morning and I’ve removed any reference to kids and replaced it with a reference to women.

So now, they look like this:

My wife knows if she does something wrong, I’ll give her a hiding.

My dad used to beat my Mum, and it never did her any harm.

Sometimes, my girlfriend just won’t listen, and it’s the only way to get the message across.

My wife needs to know that when she doesn’t do as she’s told, she’ll get a good, hard smack.

It’s part of womanhood. It’s the only way they learn right from wrong.

Suddenly, it doesn’t seem quite so acceptable. Does it?

And before some idiot suggests it, I’m not accusing you of child abuse (the accepted legal definition thereof, anyway) or perpetrating domestic violence. So let’s be clear on that.

Mischievous? Sure.
Disingenuous? I don’t know so much.

It’s a dichotomy I’ve never understood – the social acceptability of corporal punishment in kids versus the disgust at domestic violence. There’s obviously a difference between the two, but at the end of the day, it comes down to using physicality to exploit or demonstrate one’s superior power over a vulnerable individual.

There will be those who argue that the rules for adults and kids need to be different. And they’re absolutely right, but those differences should then be in favour of protecting children, not vice versa.
And then there’s the other way of looking at it: that rather than comparing adults and children, we’re actually comparing humans with humans. So what makes it right to physically punish one group, when it’s plainly not ok to physically punish another?

So where do we draw the line? And why and how exactly did we choose to draw it there?

Steve knows parenting is hard work…

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…and he wants you to know it too.

If you are a parent, you will appreciate his thoughts, I promise. We’ve all been through those difficult stages when bringing our kids up and, honestly, it actually does seem sometimes like you are completely alone – even when there is a husband or wife to help you out. That’s possibly because you are so utterly exhausted from the repeated sleepless nights that you don’t even recognise that there are other human beings around.

Having kids is brilliant. But it’s also hella hard:

I have to confess that sometimes the sound of his screaming drives me to hide in the pantry. And I will neither confirm nor deny that while in there, I compulsively eat chips and/or dark chocolate.

There are people who say this to me:

“You should enjoy every moment now! They grow up so fast!”

I usually smile and give some sort of guffaw, but inside, I secretly want to hold those people under water. Just for a minute or so. Just until they panic a little.

He’s not the only one, is he? We’ve all been there. I had to move the chips and dark chocolate to a cupboard I couldn’t physically hide in, because they were playing havoc with my diet. That’s if there was any left after my (occasionally) gibbering wreck of a wife got to the pantry before I did.
For the record, I have yet to drown anyone though.

Yet still, somehow, the kids survive, despite these moments. And they thrive. Because you’re doing ok.

And you know what? As Steve points out, (worryingly) this is actually normal and you should remember that:

You’re not a terrible parent.You’re an actual parent with limits. You cannot do it all.

We all need to admit that one of the casualties specific to our information saturated culture is that we have sky-scraper standards for parenting, where we feel like we’re failing horribly if we feed our children chicken nuggets and we let them watch TV in the morning.

We’d do well to remember that the remarkable kid playing the violin in front of an enraptured Royal Albert Hall at age 3 is on the news because she’s remarkable. And while we all want our kids to do remarkable things, the 3 year old wouldn’t be on the tele if every kid was able to do that. Because it wouldn’t be remarkable.

Our kids are getting older now – Scoop turns 5 next month – and it’s finally beginning to dawn on us that we’ve done pretty well in bringing them up. It’s not always been smooth going – it’s still not always smooth going – but as they learn to take more responsibility for their own lives, we’re seeing that we’ve done ok.

The light at the end of the tunnel is clearly visible and it’s burning brightly.
Only thing is, now I can see it, I actually don’t want to go there any time soon.

Thanks Nix

Treehouse

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It’s been a very busy weekend. I’ve been doing some rudimentary calculations and it seems that I could have watched about 19 hours of live football over the two days. However, by some unfortunate twist(s) of fate, all I managed to see was the last 15 minutes of Liverpool v Newcastle, including another dodgy red card.

So busy, yes, but that’s not to say that it wasn’t fun. Birthday parties, braais, sleepovers and the highlight for us, the unveiling of an early Christmas present for the kids – a treehouse.

Here they are, on it as soon as they were allowed this morning (we like to consider our neighbours, see?).

This picture makes it look like our back garden is a forest, which obviously, it’s not. It’s a garden. But the treehouse is – rightly – a huge hit. It’s close enough to be safe, hidden enough to be “secret” and features a cleverly designed rope web which acts as a comfy seat for relaxing with a book and which has already seen extensive action. Already, it has been a castle, a fire engine and a streetlight fixing crane. Not bad for its first 24 hours.

In addition, because of this recent installation, I have been constantly humming a song featuring the word “treehouse” by these guys and I will be sharing that at some point in the near future.

Winter Wonders at Kirstenbosch

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School holidays are approaching and for once, we don’t have to balance the tricky arts of child-minding and something to do, because we’re going to be on the Heading North 2012 tour. For the rest of you parents though, it’s time to get juggling.

However, help is at hand – step forward Kirstenbosch Gardens with their winter programme for kids:

The annual Winter Wonders programme at Kirstenbosch National Botanical Garden gets underway from Monday 25 June until 14 July with a host of unusual and creative activities – everything that you could possibly need to keep the kids occupied. Parents and grandparents can enjoy this winter break making the most of this leisure time.

All the events have an environmental theme and what better than to show the younger generation our precious heritage and how to be highly creative at the same time.

The programme includes puppet shows that will have the children agog. Be captivated by the wonderful stories spun from our clever local authors. Creative children can be signed up for the half day, one or two day arts or crafts workshops, bringing home a precious piece of handiwork at the end of the workshops. A series of delightful Garden walks, ideal for all ages, opens up the many paths and plants to a curious audience while learning why we in the Cape are so proud of our natural heritage. Bask in the beauty of Kirstenbosch’s winter mantle and the holidays will pass by in a flash.

With FREE entry to the Garden for children six years to 17 years old enjoy a hassle free holiday in the most beautiful garden in the world.

It was just over seven years ago that I got married in that most beautiful garden in the world, thereby turning it into the celebrity venue it is now, and I can think of no better place to amuse and educate your kids this winter.

Full details are here and you should note that some events have limited space available.

Up The Junction…

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A trip to Agulhas this weekend abandoned for technical reasons, we took the kids to Ratanga Junction today – and what a day we had. While I hadn’t been to the park as a proper visitor before (I was there for some corporate do back in 2004, but had three prolapsed discs at the time), Mrs 6000 had taken the kids along over the summer holidays this year, and they’d had a great time. But they had stuck around Hippo Hollow, doing the kiddies stuff.

It was while we were doing the kiddies stuff today that Alex noticed a giant tap attached to a tower and I used his curiosity to get him up and onto the Stargazer: A “supertubes” ride that you do in a tiny inflatable boat. We went down at high speed, Dad got a very wet bum and Alex couldn’t wait to have another go.

From that point, there was no turning back. Suddenly, the Monkey Falls log flume, complete with its sheer 19m drop, was Alex’s target. And where Alex (almost 6) went, his 3 year old sister was sure to follow. There was a slight moment of concern as we were at the front of the queue, as the attendant had to get her clipboard out to measure Scoop against the minimum height mark (107cm), but with a teensie hint of tippie toes and some ever so subtle stretching, she made it. My daughter is 107.1cm tall. I know adults who are only a ruler and a half taller than that. Scoop will be there by age 7.

What followed was a revelation to myself and my wife. Our kids, usually pretty backward in going forward and trying new things, couldn’t wait to have go after go after go on the log flume, Alex describing each time the “funny feeling” he got when we went down the big slope. We finished the day soaking wet, very tired and very happy. I managed to tick the Cobra:

a suspended looping coaster which catapults riders from a height of 32m along 779m of track at up to four times the force of gravity and speeds of close to 100km/h. Adding to the thrill of the ride is the suspension of riders beneath the track, feet flying free. This ride is not for the faint hearted.

off my bucket list, having driven past it many times, although not quite at that speed.

We had such a great family day today that I’m sticking this one in the elusive 6000 recommends category. Ratanga Junction isn’t cheap (adults R152, kids R75), nor will it compare favourably with that famous theme park you visited in America, but it still offers great value for money if you do it right. And that means picking your day carefully, arriving early, and – it seems – having kids above 3 years of age, and above 1.07m, but below 1.30m in height. This last one means that they’ll be able to enjoy just about all the rides on offer.

Queuing times were minimal. 10 minutes tops for the Cobra, Stargazer and Monkey Falls, walk straight on to the kids’ stuff. I can imagine that you could have a nightmare time when the queues are an hour for each ride, but that’s why you must choose your day carefully. Parents will want to take a couple of spare sets of clothes for the kids (and maybe for yourselves) as you know that once kids get wet, they may start to get cold and once they get cold, they start to lose interest. We didn’t quite hit that point, but then again, we did take some spare clothes.

Photos, such as they are, (the gravitational pull of the Cobra and the hydrological aspects of the Monkey Falls not being conducive to active photography) can be found here.