D&G

I saw this tweet this morning:


and I was intrigued, because Southern Scotland (much like the rest of Scotland) isn’t known for its support of the (blue) Conservative party.
I went to the (rather cool) website to have a closer look, and yes – it seems that in their latest polls, the Tories hold an ever so slender lead over Labour and the SNP in those three constituencies. I don’t actually come close to believing this, by the way. But supposing for a moment that I actually did, how cool are the numbers in Dumfries & Galloway?

dandg

That’s tight.

In fact, according to figures from the 2010 results, it would mean that those top three parties are separated by only 200 votes. It would also mean that the Conservative vote has remained completely unchanged while loads of Labour voters moved from Red Ed to Scary Nicola’s Party (SNP). OK, so that latter bit is more believable.

I have limited interest in the UK election, if I’m honest. I do enjoy the websites and the facts and the figures. But it’s all been a bit negative, confrontational and depressing. I’m not voting and unless something amazing happens, it’s probably going to end up in a horrible, horrible mess after the vote, no matter who doesn’t win.

Still, I’m going to have my beagle-eyes on D&G, and I’ll try to remember to update you on exactly how close it turned out to be after the big day.

But… How…?

As I write, the results from yesterday’s national and provincial elections are beginning to come through. “It’s early days”, as every TV and radio commentator has been repeatedly telling us, but at the present time, it’s all “as you were”, with the ANC comfortably holding the country and Gauteng, and the DA strengthening its position in the Western Cape.
No surprises with those first two, but frankly, I’m left utterly bewildered by the ANC’s disappointing showing locally. Not because their record on service delivery elsewhere is particularly good (it’s not) or because the stats show that the DA isn’t doing a relatively good job of running the Western Cape (they are), but because the DA never released anything quite like this ANC election ad:

Yes. Quite.

I know what you’re thinking: that Marius Fransman, right? Crappy politician, but brilliantly awkward dancer.

Suddenly, it’s no wonder he ignored all logic and reason when casting his vote yesterday:

“I can safely say now, we will, in this election, be trashing the Democratic Alliance in the rural communities… we will push up our vote in the black communities, and you’re going to have a big split vote in the coloured community… with that, we will definitely take the Western Cape this time around.”

HE KNEW ABOUT THIS VIDEO!!!!!1!

Marius, much like you are now, (assuming you made it through the entire thing unscathed) (which is unlikely), is completely flabbergasted that the ANC hasn’t swept to power in the Cape solely on the back of this astonishing musical performance. Indeed, the issue seems to be only that the ANC didn’t get enough people to see this video ahead of voting day. Because surely if they had done, we’d all be voting ANC. Even if we weren’t actually allowed to vote. Even if there wasn’t an election.
Yep, I’ve seen that video and now I want to go and vote ANC in the Western Cape, all day, every day. For year after confusing year, I’ve been wondering why I was here; why any of us are here. What is the purpose of life?

Well, having seen that video, now I know: it’s to vote ANC in the Western Cape.
Resistance is futile. Especially once you hear that cheeky little Orkees nod to Afrikaner culture at 3:11.

Mmm. Inclusive…

Helen Zille’s plans for DA rule in 2019 will now simply have become a pipe dream. Once this goes viral (which it surely will after being featured here), it’s Game Over for the DA. And for everyone else, too. EFF off. ACDP hee hee.
In fact, if this four and quarter minute euphonious extravaganza gets viewed beyond the borders of South Africa, I’d not be surprised to see the ANC achieving world domination within the next few weeks. It really is that good.

Vote ANC in the Western Cape!
Because if you don’t, they’re going to give us more kak like this next time…

Where did the Cape Party get its logo?

Yes, yes, I know. The election is gone. As is the Cape Party with their utterly miserable and rather embarrassing showing of about 1,400 votes. But then I just had a thought.
Hypothetically, should they win and declare the Cape independent, exactly where would the borders be? After all, while it roughly follows the borders of the Northern and Western Cape provinces, it’s certainly not exact – especially with that chunk of Eastern Cape coast included.

Well, it stands to reason that they would be wherever was needed to make the new state the (francesque) shape of the Cape on their logo, thus:

And that’s all well and good. But then I wondered where they had got that particular shape from. Did all three of them sit down and have a meeting about it? Was it a rough doodle? Or was there some other source?

And then I found this page on wikipedia, which featured this image and while observing the form of the (ironically) pale bit, realised that I need wonder no more:

“Map showing the proportion of the South African population
that self-described as “Black African” in the 2001 census”

But no – it’s surely just chance, right (even that chunk of Eastern Cape coast)?

More election confusion

After yesterday’s election confusion over whether or not the ANC “can” win Cape Town in next month’s Municipal Elections, that same party have made great inroads in not winning the Tlokwe (Potchefstroom) Municipality by regrettably (or not, possibly) failing to register candidates in seven wards there:

A member of the ANC’s provincial executive committee (PEC) in North West, who asked not to be named, told the M&G that provincial secretary Kabelo Mataboge was to blame for not registering candidates with the Independent Electoral Commission.
As the provincial secretary Mataboge is responsible for ensuring that all registrations are conducted according to the letter of the law and on time.
He allegedly sent a messenger to the IEC offices in Potchefstroom to register ANC candidates on the last day of registration.
It is alleged that Mataboge gave the messenger all the forms that needed to be submitted but that he signed six of them without the names of the candidates being specified. This was despite the fact that the list of candidates had been finalised by provincial leaders.

Oops.

The ANC’s North West provincial working committee was due to meet on April 20 and party sources said it would look into the possibility of disciplining Mataboge. “He’s likely to face several charges related to bringing the party into disrepute. It’s a serious charge,” the source said.

Sadly, this never happened in the UK. We could have been spared a lot of Labour if it had.

One thing I do like about this story is the name Tlokwe. So much prettier than the “original” Afrikaans name.
Am I allowed to say that?

Election confusion

With the municipal elections just 4 weeks away, the ANC have launched a new tactic to confuse the local electorate into voting (presumably) for them. A couple of weeks ago, Deputy President Kgalema Motlanthe admitted that the party had no chance of winning the Cape Town Municipality from the incumbent DA:


At first, I thought that this was either reverse psychology or actually a strange moment of honesty from a politician. Although, I have to say that Motlanthe has always struck me as being a fairly honest sort of bloke, which is pretty unusual for someone in that profession.

Anyway, apparently he was wrong because 2 weeks on, the “ANC can win Cape Town” according to his boss – and indeed everybody’s boss – Jacob Zuma:

Bewildered? Of course you are. So allow me to explain.

Actually, I can’t.

Quite how two leading members of the same political party can publicly differ so much over a simple issue is beyond me. And of course, they’re both correct. Mathematically, the ANC can win Cape Town; realistically (barring any bombshells in the next couple of weeks), they probably can’t. Does anyone actually need to be told this? Probably not.

Are potential voters likely to be swayed by this sort of apparent difference of opinion? Probably only as much as they are by the overblown promises of either of the main parties in the election race.

Meanwhile, if any local political organisation can come up with a plan to stop my neighbours dogs barking at 5 o’clock every single sodding morning, then they can have my vote instantly and without question, whether they think they can win in Cape Town or not.