Tag: daily mail

Is this some kind of joke?

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TIL (yes, belatedly) that Paul Dacre is the Chairman of the UK Press Complaints Commission’s ‘Editors’ Code of Practice Committee’:

Paul Dacre also happens to be the editor of the Daily Mail. This is akin to appointing Hitler as Chairman of the ‘Jewish Wellbeing Society’ or installing some Bears as joint trustees of the ‘Keeping The Woods Clean Panel’.

What a joke. Self regulation se ma se ****.
(did you see how I almost semi-ironically self regulated my language there?)

Two tumblrs

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Two tumblrs for you to enjoy today. And while you enjoy them, it’s probably worth remembering that if I had a tumblr, you wouldn’t have to wade through all this verbosity each day. But I don’t. So you do.

First up, Hear Me Wail, which reminds me in no small part of Angry People In Local Newspapers. But this far more specific, this is Daily Mail linked, and features images of sad people together with the things that made them sad.
For example, can anyone guess what incident might have occurred here?

dm1

It’s not what you think. No, actually, it is what you think (Trigger Warning if you’ve ever been trapped waist deep in quicksand, just yards from the shore).

Someone should have put a sign up. That would surely have helped.

The second tumblr is far deeper. ThisCharmingCharlie is simply brilliant at any level. If you;re a fan of The Smiths or the Peanuts comic strip, it’s even better. If you’re a fan of both, you have just found tumblr Nirvana. Somehow, combining Morrissey’s lyrics with Charles M. Schulz’s characters just works.

tcc     tcc2

While the angst and the powerful messages were always clearly evident in The Smiths’ songs, one had to delve more deeply, past the superficial humour, to understand what Schultz was trying to get across. And although many of the Peanuts characters are featured on the blog, the parallels between The Smiths music and the misunderstood, depressed Charlie Brown is clear to see.

Cleverly done.
I’m now thinking of trying the same with Wacky Races’ Dick Dastardly and the fire-fueled lyrics of Slipknot. It just might work!

The mystery of the other 48.7%

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Ah, the pisspoor Daily Mail. We’ve been here before, haven’t we, folks? Ad nauseum.
But this time – it’s a classic.

In a nothing piece entitled: “Generation who refuse to grow up: No mortgage. No marriage. No children. No career plan.” by nothing columnist Marianne Power, there’s this stat:

Three million 20-to-34-year-olds now live with their parents. A third are men and 18 per cent are women.

Here it is in full screenshot glory:

Fullscreen capture 20130712 113802 AM

Which leaves me – and I would imagine any of you who have more than half a brain – wondering what on earth makes up the other 48.7% of 20-to-34-year-olds who now live with their parents?

Because I’ve been doing some rudimentary calculations and it’s a significant number – 1,461,000 individuals, to be exact.

But what are these individuals? Cats? Dogs? I don’t think so, because 20-34 years old is awfully old for a cat or a dog to get to. And even if we were talking cat or dog years, these are their parents we’re talking about. So, maybe some sort of larger mammal, which generally have a longer lifespan? Horses, perhaps?

Well no, because horses only really last to about 30 years on average. So we’re going to have to go bigger again.
Elephants, then. They last for ages.

Yes, as far as I can work out, the Daily Mail is reporting that there are 1,461,000 elephants between the ages of 20 and 34 years old, living with their parents in the UK.

This amazes me for two reasons. Firstly, that having lived in the UK until 2004, I never saw any of these elephants living with their parents (save maybe for the ones at London Zoo). I recognise that the article suggests that there has been a significant increase in this number, which is one reason (albeit a bit of a minor one) why it is of interest. But even so, they say that even in 1997, 2.5 million individuals (including 1,217,500 elephants) living with their parents.

That’s a lot of elephants to be hiding.

And then, secondly, what of their parents? Given that the elephant is a normal sexually reproducing mammal, it takes a total of two elephants to make a small elephant, which they then tend and nurture through until it’s 20-to-34-years-old. That’s three elephants in a house, and, with the assistance of some dodgy maths, a total of 4,383,000 elephants that I have comprehensively not noticed living in the UK.

The WWF say that there are 470,000 – 690,000 African elephants in the world, and list their status as “vulnerable”. Not any more, guys. Happy days for the elephant population as I reckon I have the Daily Mail has just found another 800% of elephant numbers, living clandestinely behind closed doors in the UK.

It’s no wonder you didn’t count them. They’re hiding.

Unless of course you’re going to go out on a limb and suggest that the Daily Mail have got this one wrong.

Looking back: The Daily Mail Weather Outlook for 2012

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This goes out to @StephanieBe who is heading out to the UK shortly and read this morning that… er… the UK is about to face its coldest winter for 100 years. Stephanie is Saffa born and bred.
Her genes aren’t cut out to cope with cold Decembers.

Stephanie is afraid.

Fortunately for Stephanie, that “coldest winter in 100 years” thing comes from the Daily Mail.
Regular readers will know that 6000 miles… loves the Daily Mail.

Britain will shiver tonight as temperatures plummet in the first taste of what promises to be one of our coldest winters for a century.
The cold snap is expected to last until the end of the week, creating dangerous conditions on the roads and adding to the misery of those already battling floods.
Temperatures could fall to as low as minus 3C in some places, with snow already falling in the Pennines.

Cold temperatures? In the UK? At the end of November? Whatever next?
Let’s have a look at how November ended when I was over in the UK in 2010, shall we?

 Newcastle-upon-Tyne, 29th November 2010. Is that… snow?!?

But hey, maybe the Daily Mail has upped its weather prediction game since 2010. Let’s have a look at what they thought about 2012, shall we? This Daily Mail headline is from 15th April this year.

Britain faces worst drought since 1976 (and the Severn could dry up by summer)

Officials are concerned that a third dry winter this year could be a tipping point and trigger restrictions for businesses or even further restrictions in homes for the first time in 36 years.
The restrictions are embarrassing for the Government which is showcasing Britain during this year’s Olympics and the Queen’s Jubilee. Parks are included in the hosepipe ban and London’s iconic fountains will be turned off.

Sounds bad. So what actually happened?

Well, here’s a photo I took at Howden Reservoir in Derbyshire in July, slap bang in the middle of the “worst drought since 1976”:

Yes yes, I know that the big wall is supposed to keep the water in, but the fact is that because the incessant rain throughout the summer, the dam was overflowing.

What happened? Let’s turn to… er… the Daily Mail for the answer. Here’s a story from August 29th:

After weeks of wet weather and seemingly never-ending cloud, many have dismissed the last few months as a miserable summer they would rather forget.
Today was no exception as heavy rains fell across many parts of the country as weather forecasters predict that September will bring some sun and reprieve from the wet weather but only for those in the south.
The north of Britain however should brace for more grim weather which is predicted to last until mid-September.

But… but you said that… Oh never mind. At least it wasn’t the wettest summ… oh wait. Yes, it was. Well, that is according to the Daily Mail (31st August) anyway:

The temperatures, which reflect the country’s cold and soggy weather over recent months, have proved this summer has been a complete write-off.
It came as it was revealed yesterday the summer has also been the wettest in England and Wales for a century.

The thing is, I know that forecasting the weather is not an exact science. And long range forecasting is even less exact. So yes, you’re going to get it wrong from time to time. But there’s no disclaimer in Stephanie’s “coldest winter for 100 years” Daily Mail story. There’s no:

However, while we’re telling you about how cold it’s going to be this winter, you might want to remember that we also said that this was going to be the driest summer in almost 40 years and we couldn’t actually have been more wrong about that.

So people like Stephanie who have previously lived a Daily Mail free life (lucky fish) thus far, read it – and believe it. Oops.

Stephanie, I’m no meteorological expert. I can’t tell you if it’s going to be the coldest winter foreverever when you visit the Republic of South Yorkshire this December. I feel that I’m standing on fairly solid ground when I suggest that you probably won’t need to pack your bikini for a day out on the beachfront at Filey, but that aside, it’s winter and I would expect it to be decidedly chilly. Especially when compared with your usual South African December day.

What I can tell you is that you really shouldn’t believe everything anything you read in the Daily Mail.

Happy Holidays!

Not an April Fool

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I seriously thought this was an April Fool, but it’s two days too late.

This has been all over the UK internet already, but I thought I should share it with my SA readers. And yes, I know. It’s from the Daily Mail – 6000 miles… favourite paper. But it still left me incredulous.

On a recent flight to New York, I was delighted when a stewardess came over and gave me a bottle of champagne.
“This is from the captain — he wants to welcome you on board and hopes you have a great flight today,” she explained.
You’re probably thinking “what a lovely surprise”. But while it was lovely, it wasn’t a surprise. At least, not for me.

Throughout my adult life, I’ve regularly had bottles of bubbly or wine sent to my restaurant table by men I don’t know. Once, a well-dressed chap bought my train ticket when I was standing behind him in the queue, while there was another occasion when a charming gentleman paid my fare as I stepped out of a cab in Paris.
Another time, as I was walking through London’s Portobello Road market, I was tapped on the shoulder and presented with a beautiful bunch of flowers. Even bar tenders frequently shoo my credit card away when I try to settle my bill.

And whenever I’ve asked what I’ve done to deserve such treatment, the donors of these gifts have always said the same thing: my pleasing appearance and pretty smile made their day.

Yep – this is the opening from this “story”, detailing the “downsides to looking this pretty”, according to Samantha Brick.

I actually can’t do it justice, featuring, as it does, photo captions such as:

Blushing bride: Samantha on her wedding day, left, and right, at home with Pascal. She laments that not one of her girlfriends has ever asked her to be a bridesmaid – perhaps from fear of being overshadowed by her looks.

and lines like:

I’m tall, slim, blonde and, so I’m often told, a good-looking woman. I know how lucky I am. But there are downsides to being pretty — the main one being that other women hate me for no other reason than my lovely looks.

I’m not smug and I’m no flirt, yet over the years I’ve been dropped by countless friends who felt threatened if I was merely in the presence of their other halves. If their partners dared to actually talk to me, a sudden chill would descend on the room.

You women can be such bitches, hey?

But wait – there’s more! So (and you have no idea how much it pains me to say this), go to the Daily Mail website and read this amazing article for yourself. Let me know what you think, please.

UPDATE: The twitter parody account has arrived.

UPDATE 2: Newsthump’s view and here. (Thanks Maggie)