Without Chemicals

Spotted today at my local, terrible Pick n Pay, this stuff:

I will always be attracted by the word “microbe”. And so it was with this product, nestling amongst the cleaning products, with its owl in a nurses hat, studious-looking glasses and a bow tie, carrying a stethoscope. Why does he need the glasses? Don’t owls have amazing eyesight?
And what’s with the stethoscope? Is he a doctor, and not actually a professor? And why does the patient have cardiac or pulmonary problems if they’re using this wonderful product? None of this makes any sense.

But to be honest, it was the blurb below that really caught my eye.

Clean surfaces safely, without chemicals!

Oh really?
Well, if you’re going to do it without chemicals, then I’m guessing that there must be a motherfunning genie in your spray bottle there, because everything is made of chemicals, dahlink (possibly even genies, actually). But we’ll come to that in a second, because wait… there’s more:

Welcome to the new science of cleaning.
Harnessing the power of beneficial microbes to rid surfaces of harmful germs.

Oh really?
Microbes when they’re beneficial, germs when they’re harmful. It’s pure bacterial racism you’re looking at right there, folks.

But would you really want to spray your surfaces with microbes, beneficial or not, and no chemicals?
Well, it seems that actually, you don’t have to do either, because turn the bottle around and there’s this:

See it?

Ingredients: Aqua, Sodium Citrate, Orange Extract

Well, Aqua is just the posh word for water (which is a chemical), Sodium Citrate is the chemical name for the chemical Sodium Citrate, and your orange extract is basically a group of chemicals that comes from oranges.

That’s an awful lot of chemicals for a product which, just a bottle-turn away suggests that you can clean stuff “without chemicals”.

At least it’s halaal. And that’s likely to be because there is no pork in it and no microbes in there either. Beneficial or otherwise.

So I really am left wondering how this product is “harnessing the power of beneficial microbes to rid surfaces of harmful germs”.
Sure, the chemical in this solution might knock out some of the bugs growing on your kitchen surfaces, but it’s likely to be really ineffective when compared with “traditional” (chemical) cleaning agents, because although Sodium Citrate (which is the chemical name for the chemical Sodium Citrate, as mentioned above) might kill some “harmful germs”, a) it’s really rubbish at it, and b) it’ll kill just as many “beneficial microbes” as well.

Obviously, I didn’t buy any of this stuff, but I would fully expect the limited citrus scent to be overwhelmed with the stench of bullshit.

I’m done here for the moment, but visit the Professor Microbe website and you’ll learn that:

Professor Microbe™ uses Nano-Natural technology with Active Nanoids to cut through fat, oil and grease.

u wot m9?

Yeah, remember that BSc you were going to do in Nano-Natural Science? The one that had the foundation course in Active Nanoids?
You know: the one with all the made up words that sound ever so sciencey, but don’t actually exist?

And don’t even get me started on their “The Technology” page. It’s so deeply unscientific on every line that I’d even bet that Tim Noakes is jealous.

I shall return to Professor Microbe™ in a future post, and share more details on their utter nonsense from a considered, scientific point of view.

World’s gone mad (Volume 4,386)

Chaos in UK over Brexit.
Have you done the #10yearchallenge yet? It’s (possibly) sinister (or not).
Scientists being forced to apologise for calling out acupuncture for being the shitty pseudoscience that it is.
A ridiculous amount of fuss from everyone – yes, everyone – over a shaving ad.
Zimbabwe in a mess. Again.
Terrorism in Kenya. Again.
USA in Government Shutdown paralysis. Again.
And the usual suspects on SA’s social media scene reminding us what we should think, type and how we must feel about all of these things.

If ever there was time for an asteroid intervention, this would surely be it.
But I’d actually like to see how the footy season ends first. Please.

So I’m a bit torn right now.

Thankfully, there’s always one voice of sanity in this mad, mad world. The steady, sensible voice of independent Primedia Broadcasting on the Medium Wave. The rock on which millions of several upper middle class South Africans can depend. I don’t listen myself, but if I was 70, I would, because they’ll tell you exactly what’s going on in a no nonsense fashion – just like in the 1950s. Not the 1950s here, obviously: there was plenty of nonsense happening then. No, the 1950s in good old Blighty where you knew where you stood and people were polite and frank and honest – and didn’t subscribe this this kind of BS:


Woowoo peddling is obviously to be expected from some sources out there, but maybe you’d assumed you’d get better from Radio 702, because you thought that they were more highbrow, more discerning, more intelligent.

They’re not. They’re just as bad as all the others and if you choose to accept this from them, then what other compromises are you willing to make whiling away the daytime hours with their smooth-talking disc jockeys? And why?
Honestly, if this is an example of their political insight, surely just head to the Daily Sun for your election news? At least there you know what you’re getting and there’s no pretence about being all la-di-da and genuine.

World’s gone mad. Seriously. (I may have said this 4,385 times before .)

Nailed it… MH370

With all the election stuff, Oscar Pistorius stuff and… meh… everything else going on, you may have forgotten about Flight MH370. Fortunately, Natural Nuts hasn’t forgotten about it at all and despite being repeatedly told to please stay away, the judge clearly stated that you weren’t allowed to be within 200 yards of this property, they’ve come back to the party to tell us what really happened and why we haven’t been told about it already:

Here’s the most astonishing fact of all: because of all the facts stated above, the vanishing of Flight 370 must have required intentional planning and action from at least one government (and possibly more). Somebody is covering up the truth of what happened to MH370, and it looks almost certain that the Malaysian government is part of this cover-up.
The mainstream media is extremely reluctant to ever report on any sort of government cover-up, preferring to pretend that governments are always transparent and honest with the people of the world. Although such an idea is utterly laughable, it remains the default position of the conventional media.

Right. So, if it’s ‘cover up, cover up, cover up’, then what actually did happen to flight MH370?
Chief cock Mike Adams again:


Flight 370 most likely did not crash; it was almost certainly taken over (possibly by remote control) and flown to a destination with all passengers alive and the aircraft in one piece.

What happens from there is anyone’s guess, but the most likely use of such a stolen aircraft is to turn it into a massive airborne weapons delivery system to be outfitted with biological, chemical or nuclear weapons. Believe me when I say this is the real scenario being discussed behind closed doors at the Pentagon. The “pilot suicide” explanation is merely the sucker’s version of events for public consumption.

This does differ slightly from the (completely and utterly plausible) Alien Technology theory he suggested a couple of weeks ago, but never mind any sort of consistency in his stupid claims, hey?

Let me just run that one line past you again:

What happens from there is anyone’s guess, but the most likely use of such a stolen aircraft is to turn it into a massive airborne weapons delivery system to be outfitted with biological, chemical or nuclear weapons.

So it’s anyone’s guess, but your best effort is that? Have you been snorting hugely diluted quantities of Magnesia Phosphorica again, Mike? You loon. Not that aircraft theft is a particularly well documented crime, but perhaps you can enlighten us with some previous cases of stolen aircraft which have been turned  into a massive airborne weapons delivery systems, outfitted with biological, chemical or nuclear weapons, thus supporting your otherwise rather outlandish claims?

Or, er… not.

Not that it makes any difference to my life (or yours, I suspect, rolling around in your vast sums of cash earned by peddling bullshit to the gullible masses), but I think I’ll choose not to believe you about the real scenario being discussed behind closed doors at the Pentagon.

Or anything else you ever say.