Dog cancels important garden visit due to rain

Just in from The Daily Mash this morning:

A DOG has confirmed the cancellation of a trip to the garden because of poor weather conditions.

Indeed. But at least it’s a dog with manners:

I apologise to household members who responded to my initial scratching at the back door. I merely wanted the door opened so that I could further monitor the weather situation, after which I decided not to embark.

The beagle never apologises. The beagle just wanders out under the awning, then straight back in as I stand there like some sort of butler waiting for it to make up its mind. Sometimes, it’s clear that it’s made up its mind, but it’s just waiting out there that extra few seconds, merely to annoy me. Just seeing how long it can push it.

I used to believe that I was in charge in our household. I once told Mrs 6000 that and she started to laugh. Now, having actually thought about it, and taken the above behaviour into consideration, I realise that I’m actually some way below the beagle as well.

It’s all rather depressing.

Shooting (jelly)fish in a barrel

The weekend. Yesterday, we went to the Aquarium and saw their Pink Meanie, and I found just how difficult it is to shoot jellyfish in a barrel cylindrical poly-carbonate tank.

Then this morning, the beagle got (slightly) eaten at the Beagle Run: ruining my plans for using its ears as coffee coasters once it has joined the choir invisible, and resulting in several (or more) Rands in vet’s fees.

I’m heading for channel 203 and a Black Label.

Other pics: here.

Sony ad

Sony are advertising their Xperia cellphone range with a photo of an Xperia cellphone taking a photo of an incoming beagle and for the first time since 2005, I’m considering switching brand.

While the Xperia is undoubtedly brilliant at taking photos (and videos) of approaching beagles, the happy-go-lucky, blue sky, not-a-care-in-the-world imagery portrayed by this advert masks the dark reality, continuous hassle and huge expense of actually owning a beagle.

So very misleading.

On a more serious note, I love my Xperias and it would take more than a beagle on one of their ads to get me to move. I’m getting the XZ Premium next month, and I can’t wait.

No sleep til bedtime

And then maybe not even then.

The beagle kept me awake for quite a lot of the night last night. Generally, the beagle is a very good sleeper. This probably comes from practising all day, every day – either in its basket or on the couch in the study. The commitment to attain new levels of extreme laziness is to be admired, but then, that’s basically what beagles are made for.

Last night was an exception though.

I’m not 100% sure what the problem was, but a gentle scratching in the kitchen quickly turned to crashing as several (or more) kilos of prime beagle meat repeatedly flung itself at the door in an effort to get me to come downstairs and let it out into the garden to ‘look around for stuff’ and have a pee.

It’s cold when you need to drag the beagle back in from the garden in the early hours of the morning. Colder still when you were cosy in bed before it started complaining.
But, finally it was relocated into its basket in the kitchen, and I was restored to my original position just beneath the duvet.

And then, 20 minutes later, it did it again. A quick glance at Mrs 6000 was all it took to make me realise that I was completely on my own in carefully defenestrating the dog again.

And so I did, and again, after 5 or more minutes of wandering around the garden and sniffing things, I managed to get it back into its basket.

And then, 30 minutes later… Look, you get the picture.

And once it’s happened a few times, you find yourself lying awake in bed, just waiting for the next whine, bark or splintering of the kitchen door. Even when (thankfully) none is forthcoming.

Thus, I am knackered. Look, I don’t really do sleep deprivation very well, but the good news is that from initial investigations, it seems that I can just about function on the couple of hours I got. That’s probably just while things are going well though. If you cross me today, I. Will. Cut. You. 

Oh, and a note on the beagle, because it obviously had an equally disturbed night. Well, while I dragged myself out of the house into the rain and off to the laboratory this morning, it was back to rehearsing its slumbers on the couch.

*forced smile*

No.

Note to family:
Under no circumstances must Colin be allowed to see this video.

Quite aside from the chances of horrendous damage to the piano and the god-awful noise, our beagle would turn in its metaphorical grave upon seeing the title of this video.

“Buddy Mercury”? Really?

The dog’s name is Buddy, but you couldn’t think of a better choice of musical individual to put in the title than Freddy “Buddy” Mercury*?

If only there had been an actual famous musical star with the first name Buddy.
Then you could have used that name instead and it would have been ever so much better.

* I take this back unreservedly if the annoyingly-voiced lady recording this is called Mrs Mercury, obviously.