If only I had the cash… (No.37 in a series of millions.)

This is going to be niche post, but if you are in that niche, then you will not only understand, you’ll wholeheartedly agree.

If only I had the cash, I would buy a painting. This painting:

That smile! That brushwork! Those boobies…

If you are in the know, you’ll recognise this as a classic work by van Klomp. The official title of the piece is The Reclining Madonna, but many will know it by its more common name, The Fallen Madonna With The Big Boobies.  It far outshines other works of the period, including The Cracked Vase With The Big Daisies by his lesser-known contemporary van Gogh.

Appropriated by the Nazi forces occupying France during the Second World War, it has recently been rediscovered, and is now to go on auction in Bristol next month. The guide price is a modest £5-8000.

If only I had the cash…

The only concerning factor for me is whether this is actually the genuine FMWTBB, given that – infamously – many copies and forgeries were made in the 1940s. A quick sniff for any traces of German sausage (specifically a long knackwurst) should set the mind at rest.

 

(Just in case you’re still none the wiser: go here 🙂 )

Bidding

Did I ever fly from Heathrow Terminal 1?

I honestly can’t remember. But I can’t fly from there any more, because it shut down almost three years ago. Fortunately, there seems to be no process of shuffling up, as in 2 becomes 1, 3 becomes 2, 4 becomes 3 and 5 becomes 4. Because that would be both confusing and unnecessary.

Why am I telling you about a disused airport terminal?

I’m telling about a disused airport terminal, because now you can buy most of it.

Seriously.

There are loads of things to buy, most of which will end up in local Hipster bars and avgeeks’ sheds around the locality, I’m sure. But there are some amazing items. Just look at Lot 1!

A whole Heathrow Terminal 1 sign.
Description:

Heathrow Terminal 1 sign

Brilliant.

Moving on, check that your beagle isn’t packing heat (I’m convinced ours is trying to kill me) by putting this handy Passenger Metal Detector at your front door:

Or get your own “square”(?) metal box construction baby changing room sign. I went in high on this one – and I bet that extra penny will make the difference.

Your local Security Guard will surely thank you(?) for getting her or him this comfortable-looking(??) SECURITY FOOTSTOOL.

And in case you ever decide to run a medical facility and need a menacing way to count patients, this SICK PEOPLE COUNTER would definitely come in handy.

But all that previous stuff (cool though it is) fades into pale insignificance, because then there was this.

The pièce de résistance, the LOGAN PLEATED BELT CAROUSEL UNIT. APPROX 35 DEGREE INCLINE, SINGLE CENTRE FEEDER BELT DESIGN. MOTOR CATERPILLAR/CHAIN DRIVE SYSTEM, F4 TOW CHAIN, STAINLESS STEEL MAINTENANCE HANDRAILS, 8 OVERHEAD EMERGENCY STOP BUTTONS, 4 SINGLE PODIUM INFORMATION MONITORS. BELT LENGTH 43M, DIMENSIONS L 17M W 6 H 1M. LOW SMOKE & FUME SLATS LAST SERVICED 2011/12

I’ll be honest, it was the F4 TOW CHAIN that swung this for me. This would have been one of the first models to feature this revolutionary (no pun intended) new F4 TOW CHAIN. And I’m sure that you will agree that it was a huge improvement over the previous F3 TOW CHAIN. The upgraded technology on the F4 TOW CHAIN link mechanisms for one: groundbreaking.
In fact, looking back now, I wonder (as I’m sure you are too) as to how the F3 TOW CHAIN would ever have powered a BELT LENGTH 43M. I don’t think it could. It couldn’t.

Thank god we’ve moved on. from those Neanderthal days.

This LOGAN PLEATED BELT CAROUSEL UNIT features the standard LOW SMOKE & FUME SLATS, which is great news if you’re planning to use it as a Lazy Susan on your row of check-in desks huge new dining table (LOT 2109).

And with those 8 OVERHEAD EMERGENCY STOP BUTTONS and 4 SINGLE PODIUM INFORMATION MONITORS – we’re talking top of the range here. I’m sure there will be a lot of interest on this one.

It does need a service though.