Tag: amazon.co.uk

Shot through the heart (and amazon.co.uk is to blame)

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So sang 80’s hair rockers Bon Jovi. In a manner of speaking, anyway.

But I’m actually referring to accurately-targeted email advertising. Specifically this one:

Hello Mr 6000,

Are you looking for something in our Tablet PCs store? If so, you might be interested in these items.

Asus EeePad Transformer TF101 10.1 inch Tablet PC (nVidia Tegra2 1GHz, 1Gb, 16Gb eMMC, WLAN, BT, Android 3.0) with docking station and keyboard


RRP: £429.99
Price: £418.13 & this item Delivered FREE in the UK with Super Saver Delivery.
(See details and conditions)
You Save: £11.86 (3%)
In stock.
Dispatched from and sold by Amazon.co.uk.
Gift-wrap available.

Yes. Yes, I am interested. Very interested. And you damn well know it, because I spend several hours a day gazing at the tablet porn on your site.
Specifically this little baby.

I have checked out her stats, I have checked out the 3% discount, I have checked out the fact that gift wrap is available.
Yes: gift wrap.

The fact is that I had previously thought that I was immune to this sort of advertising. But they’ve hit the spot here and they know that I will click their links and gaze upon her wonder again and again. And eventually I will be worn down and I will submit and I will part with my hard earned Rands and I will have her.

This happens so rarely to me that I can’t even remember it happening before. Except when I moved to SA after a whole week’s pressure from my wife. And since that seems to have worked out so well, I see no reason that this one won’t end happily as well. (Are you reading this, dear?)

UPDATE: And this is why I need it:

Exactly.

Amazon.co.uk #fail

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I got my Dad two brilliant books for Father’s Day. He’ll love them, if amazon.co.uk and their “premium” courier company, ShittyLink, ever actually get around to delivering them.

The story so far = two failed delivery attempts + a wasted day + a stinking email complaint + a grovelling reply.

But still no books.

Bring forth the sarcasm and the crying child: 

Thanks for your last email. I was consoled. 

Briefly. 

However, my father has had to continually ring Citylink and (having stayed in all day as he said he would) has now found out that the parcel has been in Rotherham all day. Poor parcel. But that’s beside the point. 

So – you (or rather your courier) didn’t manage to leave a note when they allegedly came to deliver the parcel on Saturday, didn’t fulfill their obligation to deliver after 10:30am on Monday and have failed to show up at all today despite my Dad wasting his entire day at home. 

In summary, it’s not great, is it? 

You know, I actually have no problem when things sometimes go awry. It happens to all of us from time to time. I used to work in a hospital lab and once almost killed a patient by mistake. (She got better). But when a company has one task – namely to courier goods from one place to another, not anything as taxing as therapeutic drug monitoring (which is really difficult and can easily go wrong) – and they mess it up time and time and time again, it annoys me. When they repeatedly waste the time and effort of their customers, that annoys me more. And when they claim to be offering this as a “premium service” – well, it’s just like some sort of sick joke, isn’t it?
I want to laugh, but I can’t. I hurt too much.

Truly, it probably doesn’t even matter when this order turns up now. You’ve ruined Father’s Day for my Dad; you’ve wasted an entire day of his life today and you’ve wasted his money in having to chase your “premium” courier company all over South Yorkshire on the phone. 

My 3 year old son keeps asking why Granddad hasn’t said thank you for his books. I told him that the useless company I ordered them from couldn’t get their arses into gear to organise a simple delivery. He cried. Copiously.
I reckon that’s basically a whole lifetime of potential orders you’ve lost – and who can blame him? 

I look forward to hearing how you plan to sort this out.

It’s raining here in Cape Town, I’m off to the rugby this evening and have plans for tomorrow as well, so I’d appreciate some sort of solution preferably within 48 minutes and not the 48 hours you promised in your last email. 

Yours, in foolishly optimistic anticipation,

6k.

I’m actually really disappointed. I’ve only used amazon.co.uk three times over the past year or so and this is the second time that they’ve let me down. Suffice to say, it’s going to take a lot to get me to use them again.

Tomorrow: my next letter to them, because the books blatantly aren’t going to arrive plus a report on what could be the muddiest game of rugby ever. It’s been raining HEAVILY for 24 hours all over Newlands. Handling errors deluxe.