Aliens exist. M’kay…
Aliens abduct people. Umm…
Aliens abduct Welsh people “because of their superior genetic material”. Bwahahahahaha!!!
And yet this last one is what “abduction victim” Hilary Porter is expecting us to believe. Hilary herself isn’t Welsh, but she was abducted (by aliens) more than once in Wales. She says that her first experience left her so traumatised that she was unable to visit Wales again for forty years. I think a lot of people find that about Wales though, to be fair.
The first occasion was in September 1970 as she drive home from a holiday in Ireland with her now ex-husband.
She said as they headed towards the original Severn crossing, they suddenly found themselves on the outskirts of Cardiff outside a garage with no idea how they had got there.
Hmm. Maybe there is something in this, after all. I once found myself outside a pub in Swansea with much the same sort of amnesia.
“It was damned frightening. We just blacked out and had no idea how I got there,” she said.
“I didn’t feel well at all.”
Yep. That’s the one.
On the second occasion, she said she woke at a friend’s house to find she had an unexplained black eye.
Within a short space of time she started suffering flashback memories which, she believes, began to reveal what had really happened.
Jesus, this is becoming alarmingly familiar.
Seriously though, I’m not suggesting that Hilary got drunk and made all this stuff up. No, I don’t necessarily think there was any alcohol involved at all. Just a vivid imagination and the discovery of a suitably gullible audience to share her “experiences” with (and make money from).
Today after years of studying “experience phenomena”, she has come to the conclusion she was teleported by aliens from another dimension.
“They transport you molecularly and can create portals in a wall or closed doors,” she said.
Of course they do. And they fly in magical spaceships, they dance with the flying unicorns and they successfully practice homeopathy.
Apparently, for thinking this way, Hilary says that I’m “closed minded”, but this is something else I dispute. I prefer to use the word “sane” or the term “not a charlatan”.
The good news for Hilary (and the bad news for me) is that Hilary can easily prove her claims, because:
“I’ve got a metal implant in my ear too,” she says.
Really?
“The doctor said it was wax but I can feel it. My partner Ken has a monitor that detects bugging devices. He puts it near my ear and it goes ding-ding-ding.”
Phwoar! I bet it does, love.
But Newsflash, Hilary: Wax is also a tangible solid.
Maybe an x-ray would assist in diagnosing your peculiar lump (no, I don’t mean Ken). Or perhaps this is magic alien metal, which is x-ray transparent. Or maybe, just before the x-ray is done, the metal implant will be transported molecularly through a portal in a closed door in the local Radiology Unit.
What are the chances, eh?
Hilary has also seen “bright lights and triangular shapes flying in formation” in the sky near her home in Farnborough, which is just down the road from the Farnborough Airbase.
What?