My Cokefest approaches

The Cape Town concert is now just over a week away and the natives are twitching with mounting anticipation. To add to the excitement, the organisers have released a seven page gig guide full of facts and figures relating to the concert.

You can view and download the My CokeFest 2008 Gig Guide here.

Muse Live
Matt Bellamy brazenly attempts to steal artwork from secure gallery

Amongst other bits of information, it reveals that Muse will be the penultimate act of the night, before handing the stage to headliners KORN, at which point we can all head Sheffield wendy fan-like early towards the car parks. (Unless they promise to do Freak On A Leash, obviously)…

Interestingly, the organisers have gone out of their way to accentuate the environmental attributes of the concerts, one of which is:

The compost derived from the organic refuse will be used to plant more than 400 fruit trees at disadvantaged schools to offset the carbon emissions generated from the concerts.

Which sounds just great until you read that:

200 international guests flew approximately 2.5 million airmiles en route to South Africa.

Which (assuming carbon emissions of 0.177kg/mile for long haul flights), I calculate has generated about 443 tonnes of carbon dioxide.
Therefore, each fruit tree has to offset about 1.1 tonnes of CO2.
That’s going to be hard work for your average newly planted fruit tree, since according to erasecarbonfootprint.com:

6 twenty-five year old pine trees absorb 1 tonne of CO2

Seriously mycokefest, if you’re going to make an effort, at least make it a decent effort. That’s pathetic!
(But thanks for bringing Muse over to SA).

See you next Monday.

Overheard at the rugby

Cape Town’s Stormers take on the Crusaders from New Zealand.

We will win this game.

We’re the South African team – we invented humanity, for f***s sake – we’re the Cradle of Humankind.
We were the first nation to f*****g invent nuclear missiles and then give it all up.

We can’t lose this game.

Final score: Stormers 0-22 Crusaders

Moral of the story: Success doesn’t automatically follow big achievements.
(Oh, and you should have kept those missiles).

“Overall, it’s gone exceptionally well”

So says Dr Basil Bonner, head of the emergency unit at the Milnerton Medi-Clinic of the Cape Argus Cycle Tour 2008 via iol.co.za. (Thanks, DC)

I’m very glad to hear it, Baz. Let’s see what the good doctor is referring to, shall we?

About 65 people had to be taken to hospital during the Argus Cycle Tour in Cape Town, two of them with suspected heart attacks.

“We had two serious head injuries, a third with a fractured hip and pelvis, and two patients, both in their 60s, with unconfirmed heart attacks. They’re in hospital having tests done,” Dr Basil Bonner, head of the emergency unit at the Milnerton Medi-Clinic, said on Sunday.

“Overall, it’s gone exceptionally well”

Yep – that all sounds just peachy! For a moment there, I was mildly concerned that you might just have been pulling the wool over our eyes and that someone might actually have got hurt while preventing me from taking the family for a relaxing Sunday on Seaforth beach.
But no. Obviously not.

From time to time, the local* doom and gloom merchants accuse me of wearing rose-tinted spectacles**.
However, I think that even they would have to agree that any optimism I dare to show on this site pales into complete insignificance against your blinkered view of the facts.

In fact, I was wondering if I could borrow your phrase to describe completely overlook any bad day I may have in the future:

Yes, I did crash the car twice on the way to the lab this morning. And when I got here, I found that all the data that I’d collected over the past 3 years had been corrupted and the back-up discs had been accidentally sold to a user called BackupDiscSmasher on eBay. Then my hand slipped on the ill-thought-out XDR-TB release lever and consequently, I released a large cloud of XDR-TB across Cape Town. Thus, I was summarily dismissed from my job.
On the way home I crashed my car twice more and arrived back just in time to see the last bits of my house burn down after an electrical fault on my PS2 lit up the pile of braai wood (Namibian Camelthorn, nogal!) I was hiding it under.

But… “overall, it’s gone exceptionally well.”

Mmm! I feel better already.

* local to that pessimists forum, anyway.
** which (proudly) I am, compared to their grey-tinted ones.

It’s Argus Day!

Oh joy!

The annual Cape Argus Pick n Pay Cycle Tour is here in Cape Town once again.
Each March, the largest timed cycling event in the world effectively paralyses the city for the day and increases the square metres of lycra to local population ratio far beyond safe limits.

So why do I love it so much?

  • For the two weeks (although this is now stretching towards a month) prior to the event, cyclists in the city are apparently permitted to ignore any traffic rules. Extra points are given for going through red lights and causing accidents, which are then blamed on anyone sitting in something with an engine (and helpfully, with insurance too).
  • On the actual day, residents of the city get woken up by the television helicopters flying the route from 6.15 in the morning. On a Sunday. Thanks.
  • It’s a wonderful day out there today, but can I take my boy to the beach?
    No, I can’t – because all the roads are closed.
  • Better not have a heart attack today if you live on the route. Getting an ambulance to you will probably take a bit too long. Anyway, it’s far more important that some poorly-prepared 55 year old from Bloemfontein gets to the local cardiac care unit first, because he has a bike and is wearing lycra.
  • For the next three months, we have to endure people talking about how they went “sub four” and what a struggle it was in the wind.  Then, for the nine months following that, we have to endure people talking about how they’re going to go “sub four” and that they hope it’s not windy.    

“Come now, 6000” some people say. “It’s just one day of the year!”

And they’re nearly right. They just missed a bit:
It’s just one day of the year TOO MANY! 

Shakira Drowned

I’ve always admired Shakira. Anyone who can come out with the lines

Lucky that my breasts are small and humble
So you don’t confuse them with mountains
Lucky I have strong legs like my mother

and manage to keep a straight face deserves some modicum of respect.
Especially if you’ve seen her mum’s legs.

However, as VH1 played her 2005 hit La Tortura this morning, my son decided that it was time to play with his latest favourite toy: the vacuum cleaner. Thus, with 1400W of Hoover belting away barely 2 feet in front of the telly drowning out her vocal efforts, I was treated to a solely visual performance of the La Tortura video, during which Ms Shakira spills a fair amount of oil over herself (something she probably couldn’t afford to do these days), chops some onions up for a nice casserole and demonstrates the six principles of pilates. Several times over.

I advise you to watch the following video with the sound muted. If you’re from New Zealand, you will particularly appreciate the moment at around 2:17 when she starts doing the Haka.
If you’re from anywhere else, there are still several other humble mountain moments to admire.

Bugger. My wife’s home. You ain’t seen me, right?