Get Better Service

David Clarke has written a column on how to get better service at restaurants.

A couple of points spring to mind here: Firstly, that what he tells us is not rocket science. Secondly, that the list involves a combination of basic good manners and common sense, and we shouldn’t really need to be told. That said, the way that society generally behaves these days (i.e. with a distinct lack of basic good manners and common sense), maybe it’s a good thing that he’s documented these suggestions.

Here’s an example:

Be polite. The service staff are not your servants.
Service staff, just like everybody else, do not like being treated rudely – but unlike everyone else, they cannot really do much about it. Except ignore you. You are far more likely to receive better service if you are courteous to your waiter or waitress. Using words like “Please” and “Thank You” do not cost you anything – use them. Problems in restaurants get solved much quicker for people who are rational and polite.

See what I mean? Other headings include the dangerously subversive: Be on time and the frankly outlandish If you get drunk, realise you are probably annoying those around you.

Go and have a look and see if you have ever been guilty of being rude and stupid not following his simple steps.

I’m going to stop short of saying that you deserve a poor dining experience if you don’t follow his advice (although…), but I’d love to know if people posting nasty reviews of restaurants and dining establishments (Hi Chris!) have been good customers or if they’ve been unnecessarily difficult and earned the wrath of the restaurant staff.

Sugar, Sugar…

Sugar
[De de der dum dum dum]
Ah, Honey Honey
You are my Candy Girl DEATH SENTENCE!
And you got me wanting you.

So sang The Archies back in 1969, and here’s the proof:

I’m not sure just how socially acceptable it is to call anyone “Sugar” nowadays. You’d probably be pounced on by all sorts of PC types for all sorts of things. But they may have a point. While “Sugar” used to be entirely reasonable to use as a term of endearment or a even as a compliment, suggesting femininity and sweetness, these days, SUGAR IS EVIL.

I know this because Rogue “Scientist” Timothy Noakes says so:

“Once you tip over the precipice, you’re gone,” exercise science professor Noakes told Men’s Health magazine.
“You are going to die of diabetes. And if you want that, keep eating sugars and carbohydrates, and get fat. That’s where you are going.”

And if you don’t want that, surprisingly, you can buy his book.
Even allowing for the hyperbole and pisspoor journalism which characterises popular health magazines, “You are going to die of diabetes” is a pretty bold statement. Even for a scientist who famously and bravely admitted, “I’ve made a mistake” on carbohydrates.

Actually Tim, your academic record suggests that you repeatedly “made mistakes” from 1976 until 2012; “mistakes” which were peer-reviewed and published. But now you’ve seen the light and we should believe everything you say, because… you… say so. Who’s to say that in 35 years (assuming we’re not all dead from diabetes or heart disease or cancer or alien invasion), you have another book to sell and suddenly realise that you’ve “made a mistake”?
And before you go telling me about all the positive scientific evidence for LCHF, I’d just like to say that there’s a wealth of other scientific papers out there telling us quite the opposite, many of them with Tim’s name at the top.
I’m not saying that he can’t change his mind – of course he can change his mind – I’m just saying that I’m not sure I would trust anyone who had been repeatedly incorrect for 35 years before changing his mind.

Anyway, all this preamble is really just so I can pop this here:

DSC_0340-1

…which I thought was super amusing and is clear evidence that – given the huge number of slang terms and nicknames for illicit drugs – you can demonise any household food product. Why, only the other day, I was tempted by some… [lowers voice, looks around furtively] …”cheese”.

It turns out that that was actually cheese though.
Which should at least make Tim happy.

That Nokia SMS tone is hard to find

You know the one that you used to have on your 3310: the DeDeDe-DerDer-DeDeDe one. The one which is actually Morse code for SMS.
In a moment of nostalgia, my Dad asked me to find it for his new Samsung. But it was a whole lot more difficult than I imagined. Too many crappy remixes and too much false advertising in the murky world of internet ringtone marketing sites.
And then there was this Soundcloud page, with all the old Nokia ringtones on (but not the Morse code SMS tone), which delayed us for another fifteen minutes (but those memories!).

Anyway, we finally found a copy, and as soon as I am near a decent uploading platform (tomorrow), I will share it on here. ‘TIS DONE – DOWNLOAD IT HERE! All new and shiny and cleaned up a bit as well!

Meanwhile, if you’re in or around Sheffield and you hear that olde worlde DeDeDe-DerDer-DeDeDe sound, it’s probably just my Dad being a bit of a hipster.