I love Guy Fawkes Night and I love these tips to make it EVEN BETTER from Michael Spicer, via The Poke:
I await, with some dismay, the traditional plethora of comments and complaints from pet owners, who presumably weren’t aware of the 5th November before buying their dogs, cats, children etc.
Trigger warnings: Whale Death, Middle Earth Dwellers
Something of a record, this one. Elephantine-memoried readers will remember this post from June 2009, in which I passed comment on the Kommetjie ceremony to honour the 55 pilot whales which were daft enough to beach themselves and then got shot by local authorities because they weren’t stretchy enough (or something).
Well, Chief Shaman and all-round resident of the Dark Lands Beyond The Lentil Curtain, Shelley Ruth Wyndham, was googling herself over the weekend (Halloween actually, but I’m sure this was just a coincidence) and found that she had been mentioned in that 2009 post. Presumably, the goblins in Noordhoek who archive the internet using quills and parchment so that the “magic shiny screen” doesn’t scare people in Misty Cliffs have finally got around to documenting 2009.
Well done them.
It seems that Shelley disputes the report that I used when writing up the post, and instead suggests that we read her version. I did, and it’s quite funny. Here’s how she begins:
Thank you all my loved ones, colleagues, those adversaries and my friends all of whom have helped me become who I am today, to know who I am and who I am not as I continue to awaken myself, like us all, growing, evolving and continually finding my place in all of Creation. Aho.
A ho? Unfortunate spelling error there.
But she continues, and she’s not alone. She’s brought the rest of the Loony Toons Crew too:
I am Shelley Ruth Wyndham; I am a Shamanic Healer Teacher. I stand here together with fellow Earth-walkers Sean Caulfield, a Shamanic Artist and Drummer; Kate Ann Spreckley, a Spiritual Healer Teacher; Mandy Scanlen business entrepreneur, Change Facilitator and Project Manager and Jennifer Godwin Registered Professional Nurse and Reiki Master. We five people walk the Good Red Road together.
The Good Red Road is the Deep South version of Blue Route, I think. It was originally going to be called the Yellow Brick Road, but they had to change their plans after a copyright claim by the estate of the late L. Frank Baum.
Anyway, despite the nasty little “Earth-walkers” dig at the recently-deceased whales, who, as they’d comprehensively indicated, are fatally incapable of “Earth-walking”, she expects us to respect her message:
I have been trained and guided by ancient indigenous teachings steeped in the wisdom this world needs to remember. Although I speak in ways which are coloured by Native American principles, from the First Nation People’s of the Americas, I speak a Universal message of Universal principles that needs to be respected.
Well, I would have respected the Universal message, but sadly, I was having trouble waking my consciousness and aligning my spirit that day. My chi was totally off – probably brandy related, I’m guessing.
So, what did I miss?
Whale carries the history of Mother Earth.
Heavy, man. Have you seen the Encyclopaedia Britannica? No wonder whales are so big. No wonder they are so difficult to push off a beach. If they were a bit more evolved, they could stick it all on a Micro SD card. Simples.
Whale medicine teaches that sound frequencies can bring up records of ancient knowledge from within us human beings and teaches us to use the sounds and frequencies to balance our emotional bodies and heal our physical forms and ways.
Presumably, this is like when that orthopod did an ultrasound on my ankle? Weirdly, I do recall several records of ancient knowledge flashing before my eyes. That could just have been intense pain though.
Seek the whale song from within you; in this way each of us will enable connections to be made to the ancient ones, to the ancient aspects of ourselves, on a deep cellular level for all humans to remember.
Aho! A-ha! Now cellular communications, I do know about. You’re talking about G-protein coupled receptors, receptor tyrosine kinases, and ion channel receptors? And all this can be triggered by the whale song within me? I never knew. Actually, I never even knew I had whale song within me at all, let alone it’s triggering ability on trans-membrane receptors.
Whales (which are mammals, not fish), are chock-full of whale song, though. Their cellular receptors must be firing all over the place. No wonder they get sommer distracted and swim into beaches. It’s like the tannie driving on her cellphone and crashing into the parked car.
Thus, perhaps a little less whale song (using your cellphone while driving) might result in fewer whale beachings (cellphone related road traffic accidents).
I can like to be the king of the analogy.
But, all jesting aside, I thank Shelley Ruth Wyndham for her rather tardy, but very welcome interaction with us here at 6000 miles…. And thus, I think it’s only fair that we leave the final words to her, as she (finally) signs off her June 2009 speech.
Each of us is a key, today this is a door, let us walk through this door together and be the change that is needed in this world so that we have a thriving, balanced, sustainable future for all life here.
WE ARE ONE.
Mitakuye Oyasin
Aho
Four Winds
(Yeah, ok “Four Winds”, but let’s face it, mainly a strong to gale force South Easter most of the time.)
Brendon Wainwright is back with four minutes and sixteen seconds of 7530 still images of Cape Town added together to make something lovely.
It’s all right outside my door. All of it.
Yes, even that bit. What a city…
Do you remember the now infamous PistoriusBalls series? Some people thought it was all over, and it was then. But suddenly the State decided that actually, possibly, maybe they could swing a murder verdict, and thus there was an appeal. And with that appeal…. came AppealBalls!
Step forward… Alex Crawford, *polite applause* with her astute observation:
Well, quite astute observation…
Dude looks like a Lady! Except… you know, the other way around.
Also back… please welcome… Aislinn Laing! *rapturous cheering*
This tweet works best if you embellish it just a little and imagine it being said in a 1940’s New York private detective voice:
The doll was in the restroom when he filled her full of lead. Pistorius was once famous in South Africa for his athletic prowess. Now it’s for a devastating criminal act. I don’t usually take cases involving famous people. No private eye needs that kinda attention. But line him up in front of the district attorney and a stenographer and he could soon make dusty case law.
Mandy’s still around, too:
Or what gender they identify as, hey Alex?
Thanks be to she who invokes Homer Simpson. Because yes, it’s definitely time for a beer.
So there I was, just wondering what to do with this MASSIVE PILE OF SPARE CASH I have filling up the living room at home, when this helpful article came along. Because, having just dropped a cool 178,472,341.54 South African Rand on my new yacht…
Her generous outdoor spaces playing host to a wide range of amenities and ample space for sunbathing and relaxation; the spacious, covered al fresco dining area offering stylish furnishings and ample seating for any time of day whilst on the lower aft deck a large garage houses a large tender [careful now, Mr Malema] and a variety of water toys and diving equipment to keep even the most restless travellers entertained.
…I was at a bit of a loss as to what to do with the rest of my cash.
Until, like I said, this helpful article came along, nestling under the “Luxury Yacht Advice” heading. These articles are so full of useful information, as those who remember the classic “6 tips for storing wine aboard your superyacht” will recall.
One yacht owner tells me of the occasion he uncorked a double magnum of 1990 Tignanello. “The bottle itself looked stunning,” he says. “We had moored at dusk just outside Stromboli off the coast of Sicily, and the moment the bottle was uncorked one of the island’s volcanoes started erupting, and there we were with a grandstand view. We stormed our way through the vino and it was the most spectacular sight I have ever seen.
Yes. I once stormed my way through almost a whole 70cl bottle of 2011 Klipdrift outside the 7/11 on Wynberg Main Road one Friday evening and there were some pretty amazing sights that night too, so I can totally relate.
He also believes a superyacht is not the ideal place to be serving one’s 1961 Château Lafite. “Not that we do ourselves badly,” he hastens to point out. “I’ll go to Corkers or Sardinian Wine Services and order wines such as Ornellaia, Tignanello and Sassicaia for the reds, some fine Antinori whites, Whispering Angel rosé and plenty of Bollinger. I can always drink the Lafite when I get home.”
Well, of course. Who’d risk the Lafite out on the open water?
Something we can all learn there, I feel.
But back onto the issue of my MASSIVE PILE OF SPARE CASH and what I’m going to do with it: well, it’s all going on razor wire and bulletproof cling film for my yacht’s windows, apparently.
See, the problem with yachts is that they’re purposely designed to be easy to get on and off. And they’re not very fast – my new one has a top speed of just 16 knots, which is less than 30kph. All of which is great when you’re lazily wandering from port to port somewhere on the French Riviera, but less good when you’re trying to not let pirates storm your yacht, steal your Bollie, your Klipdrift and your other posh stuff.
Hence this sort of delightful addition to your larny boat:
Sure, it might look a bit ugly, but it will not only keep Captain Blackbeard off your superyacht (unless they cunningly go round the end of it), it’s also brilliant at repelling #FeesMustFall demonstrations, the presence of which on your poopdeck can have a serious detrimental effect on your standing in superyachting circles.
Two seagulls, one stone. Winning.