Spotify Wrapped

As I start writing this, I realise that it’s my first post with WordPress 5.0. As usual with a WordPress update, I chose not to read any of the instructions – something that has never mattered before – and now I find myself quite (or more) bemused by the whole situation. My God, it’s horrible. How do I go back? 

I clicked through on one of those review of the year things. This one was for Spotify, which I’ve only had for about 5 months.  Here’s my Top Artists, Genre, Songs etc. 

 

That image might not look like much, but it took me 35 minutes to upload, so damn well look at it, even though it’s probably still far too big.  

The several hours I spent solely on Ludovico Einaudi equate nicely with my air travel. His music has always been my goto on iPod or Spotify for calming, relaxing times on big planes.

 

Look at me with my lack of mainstream nonsense. And it’s not for want of being contrary. I like what I listen to. And I listen to what I like. 

Right. You can do your Spotify Wrapped here. And I’d love to write some more about it, but this editor is wearing me down already. It’s fecking awful and I want to go back to 4.9. I have no idea how to add categories or tags and they’re supposed to making it easier, better, more intuitive. 

It’s making me sad and I need to stop now. 

Dyes Inlet

Cue song lyrics: (YES, IT’S ON THIS PLAYLIST)

I remember your silhouette on Dyes Inlet
Against the silver sheen of a moon like painted glass
Under stars out on a pier; a celestial sphere
We were weightless as the waves that disappeared

Death Cab For Cutie waxing lyrical, but what the hell is a Dyes Inlet?

Well, it’s a:

Picturesque bay featuring boating, swimming, a waterfront park, marina, boardwalk & boat launch

in Washington, USA.

It has a 4-star average on Google, with 3 reviewers scoring it as 3-star, 4-star and 5-star respectively. Let’s look more closely at that spread.

Mysterious Amy Piper went for 3 stars, but declines to tell us why. Maybe some episode of unrequited love occurred here – an event which would surely usually lead to a 1-star rating – but the sheer beauty of the place held its own and she couldn’t help but add on a couple of marks for overall attractiveness. We’ll never know though, because Amy doesn’t expand on her reasons for scoring it thus. Tease.

There’s no holding Brian Salway back though. He’s scene the light, and it’s beautiful. 4 stars from Brian. He would have given it more, but he was unaware of the access to downtown Silverdale.

Brian should have read Jerry Miranda’s review. Jerry Miranda is a huge fan of Dyes Inlet. It’s (equally) the best place he has ever been and he literally couldn’t mark it any higher. Jerry Miranda loves being out on the open ocean inlet either in his kayak or driving his boat. And while those are both great things he can do at Dyes Inlet, it’s the access to downtown Silverdale that really swings it for Jerry Miranda. Other inlets offer watersports opportunities, but there is no other inlet that has that all important access to downtown Silverdale.

Of course, alternatively to get to downtown Silverdale, you could use I3, and then head off down NW Newberry Hill Road, before hanging a left onto Silverdale Way NW, but try doing that in a canoe. Near impossible and downright dangerous. But no. Dyes Inlet has it all when it comes to symbiotic waterborne transport and means of entry to downtown Silverdale. 5 stars. Five.

I’m with Jerry Miranda. The simple fact that there is a rocky point in Dyes Inlet which is called “Rocky Point” means that I’m going to also give it a 100%, 5/5, top of the class review. Simple nomenclature wins every time. There’s also a “Mud Bay”, which (via satellite view on Google Maps) appears to be pretty much silted up; a “Windy Point”, where the trees are all leaning over, and an “Ostrich Bay” (but no: sadly none).

Satanic clothing line from Satanic singer

News today that Céline “Sicky” Dion’s new clothing line for kids, Celenununu, has been described as “definitely Satanic” by certain elements of the Catholic church should come as no surprise to anyone.

Not least because the Catholic church has a long history of calling anything they don’t like or understand “Satanic”, but also because Céline Dion is the Devil incarnate, as amply demonstrated by the demonic screeching sound emanating from her cakehole with terrifying regularity.

While not being a believer in the occult or follower of any sort of religion I’ve long advocated that some sort of exorcism process should be inflicted carried out on Ms Dion, as whatever malevolent spirit is possessing her is clearly causing her – and anyone listening to her – great pain.

It’s both brave and welcome of the National Catholic Register’s spokesangel Patti Armstrong to step up and state that Céline and her clothing line are the work of Beelzebub.

Monsignor John Esseff, who’s been a Catholic priest for 65 years and an exorcist at Pennsylvania’s Diocese of Scranton for more than 40 years explained that the major issue with the clothing line was its (Satanic) gender neutrality:

The devil is going after children by confusing gender. When a child is born, what is the first things we say about that child? It’s a boy, or it’s a girl. That is the most natural thing in the world to say. But to say that there is no difference is Satanic.

And, if you subscribe to the hypothesis that the idea of gender neutrality is Satanic, then Céline Dion’s self-confessed gender neutral clothing line for kids is indeed completely Satanic.

The adverts for the clothing line do nothing to dispel the allegations either:

CELINUNUNU dropped their official ad for the partnership on November 13. It shows Dion breaking into a children’s hospital wing and blowing black glitter on newborns that eventually erases all signs of pink and blue.

Blowing black glitter at babies?

Burn her at the stake.

One of the funniest aspect of all this is that Satanists – represented in this case by Lucien Greaves, spokesperson and co-founder of The Satanic Temple – clearly don’t want their good name sullied by associated with Sicky:

On the face of it, the charge that Céline Dion is spreading Satanism by way of her gender-neutral clothing line is absurd.

Even while wanting to take a pop at their (im)mortal enemy of the Catholic church, Satanist are trying to distance themselves from the dreadful “singer”.

As far as I know, Céline Dion has no explicit ties to Satanism, nor do I believe she views her own clothing line as implicitly endorsing a Satanic viewpoint.

“Don’t blame us, guv.”

We tried to reach Satan for official comment, but because He doesn’t exist (and also because we’d used up all our candles during the loadshedding), we were unable to do so.

One of those days

We all have one of those days every now and again where everything is going wrong and we feel that the world is plotting against us.

Is that because we are weak, unintelligent people?

No. Because I was delighted to learn (via twitter) that even great minds such as that of Charles Darwin suffered the same difficulties.

And described them thus:

But I am very poorly today and very stupid and hate everybody and everything.

Yeah. Me too, mate. Me too*.

 

[this was toward the close of a correspondence to Charles Lyell, written on 1st October 1861. full text here. bloody orchids.]

 

* this is clearly just for dramatic effect. I’m actually feeling great and I’m having a lovely day. 

December 2018 Cape Town Loadshedding Links

Like a poor sequel, loadshedding (you may remember it from such terms as “Rolling Blackouts”) has returned, and once again, we are regularly being plunged into darkness.

Being plunged into darkness is never good at the best of times, but if you don’t know that it’s coming, it can be particularly irritating. So, best that you know when it’s coming then, and we’re here to help.

The good news for those of us in Cape Town is that some degree of loadshedding is often mitigated by our spare generation capacity (the hydroelectric unit up at Steenbras).

If you’re going to work out when and how much you’re going to be loadshod, you need a few bits of information. First off, you need to know whether you are supplied by the City or by Eskom and you need to know what stage loadshedding we are on.

To see what stage the local loadshedding is on, check this page.

To check for who your supplier is, look at the map here.

If you’re not in one of the cheerfully coloured areas, you’re an Eskom customer, and you should go here to view the appropriate schedules.

If you are in one of the cheerfully coloured areas, look at which one and then head here to see when you’re going to be cut off.

And that’s it. Loadshedding isn’t an exact science, so no promises made as to what might actually happen on the ground at the time, but this is as good a guideline as you’re going to get.

Loadshedding should last for about 2½ hours a pop. If it goes on much longer than that something has gone wrong (or it wasn’t loadshedding in the first place – other electrical problems are also possible), talk to the City on 0860 103 089 or Eskom on 086 00 37566.

Or do some online shouty stuff:

Don’t forget to not tell them where you live. That’s always helps.

Other useful links:
City twitter
Eskom twitter
Khulu Phasiwe twitter – Eskom spokesperson – DO NOT SHOOT THE MESSENGER.