Not endorsed by me

I’m a huge fan of crustaceans. I think they look great at the aquarium and I think they look even better on my braai. I enjoy watching Deadliest Catch on Discovery. My family has close links to the sea and fishing and thus, so when I heard that there was a website in the UK where one can order crabs for one’s closest friends, I thought I might send some to my parents and my brother.

Then I read more closely. And thank goodness.

Because these aren’t Cancer pagurus - these are Phthirus pubis. And while I know what that means because I’m a microbiologist, if you know what that means, then I’m sorry for you. The crabs in question don’t have a lot of meat on them because they are pubic lice. I wasn’t quite sure why anyone would want to order pubic lice until I saw the name of the website in question, which is called crabrevenge.com.

Of course – despite the name of their business – the owners of the site don’t think you should use their product to exact revenge on anyone:

Quality revenge is hard to come by these days but we have a method that is so insulting and disgusting that you should never wish it on anyone. Never mind actually go, and do it, and we don’t encourage you to. All we do encourage you to do is give us money and we will send you a package in the mail with tiny, purple dots in it…that is our product, and it need only be sprinkled on the bedding or clothing of the one you once loved the most to ensure he/she sufferers the fullest wrath of our product.

I’m not fooled. I think they’re selling public lice to infect your ex with. Aren’t they?
And I think that supplying a strain of louse resistant to insecticide, as in their “red package” (which is presumably what the victim ends up with), is downright irresponsible.

But, that aside, is there anyone that you would use this product on?
Do share (the ideas, not the actual lice – thanks).

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