All those nonsensical theories about fruit bat reservoirs and under-cooked bush meat can finally be put aside, because some very important men in Liberia have met and revealed that the reason that Liberia has been stuck by the well-documented viral outbreak is:
That God is angry with Liberia, and that Ebola is a plague. Liberians have to pray and seek God’s forgiveness over the corruption and immoral acts (such as homosexualism, etc.) that continue to penetrate our society.
I need to point out right now that firstly, I realise that ‘homosexualism’ isn’t actually a word, and that secondly, I was not responsible for the use of the word ‘penetrate’ soon after ‘homosexualism’.
STOP SNIGGERING AT THE BACK!
But how can this be?
West African homosexualism is impossible! Lest we forget – it’s been proven with Nigerian magnets!
Anyway, the very important men were, as you may have guessed from their initial statement:
…more than 100 Bishops, Pastors, General Overseers, Prophets, Evangelists and other Ministers of the Gospel.
comprising of (but not limited to):
…mainstream church leaders such as Archbishop of the Catholic Church of Liberia, Lewis Zeiglier, first vice president of the Liberian Council of Churches, Rt. Reverend Dr. Kortu Brown, as well as representatives of other Christian associations with whom the LCC collaborated in organizing the meeting.
“But,” I hear you asking, “were The Pentecostal Fellowship Union of Liberia, Liberia Fellowship of Full Gospel Ministers, Association of Evangelicals of Liberia, Prophetic Call to Ministers, Christian Community in Liberia and the Apostolic World Christian Fellowship also represented?”
Well, let me put your mind at rest with this quote:
The Pentecostal Fellowship Union of Liberia, Liberia Fellowship of Full Gospel Ministers, Association of Evangelicals of Liberia, Prophetic Call to Ministers, Christian Community in Liberia, Apostolic World Christian Fellowship were all represented.
So – in short – yes. Yes, they were.
But now, finding the cause of the outbreak is surely only half the issue. What are we going to do about sorting it out, now that it’s already happening? No worries, they’ve got that sorted too:
That a three-day indoor fast and prayer across the nation be observed, commencing next Wednesday, August 6th, and concluding Friday, August 8th.
Maybe they also advised people to use hand sanitiser, to not hug corpses and to go and see a doctor promptly if they felt sick?
Well, no, they didn’t, but they did apparently suggest that people: “knock on the door of God”.
To be fair to the Big Man Upstairs, I would completely understand if He chose not to answer; after all, as we have all heard, homosexualism and Ebola are apparently rife in Liberia.