End of an era…

Was zooming around the BBC News website, as I am wont to do from time to time, when I came across this story.

An iconic floating nightclub based on the river Tyne for 15 years is to be towed away at the weekend.
The Tuxedo Princess ship, with its legendary revolving dance floor, is being tugged from its Gateshead mooring to make way for a £10m office complex.

As a student in Newcastle in the early 90s, I spent many a happy Monday evening on “The Boat”. And while people all too easily label things as “legendary” these days, the revolving dance floor on The Boat was indeed something to behold.
Stand in the wrong place and your prospective (and obviously very classy) female friend for the evening would be slowly rotated away from you – a distressing and confusing experience after a few* cheap pints on the way down there.

So RIP, The Boat.
I’m sure I should have more memories of you than I actually have, which in itself, speaks volumes.

* few (n) – a small number, in this case, probably about 11.

Luister Engelsman…

… as jy dit nie hier laaik nie, hoekom gaan jy nie maar terug Engeland toe nie?*

Why do people always ask me that?

So asked a commenter on one of my bosparra.com posts (scroll down to comments – his is the very first).  Normally, I wouldn’t make a big deal out of something said over there. I select posts which I think might be of interest to the bosparra audience and I thought that one fitted the bill. The selection process is more about choosing something topical and South African than choosing something sycophantic. If people don’t agree, well – that prompts (occasionally heated) discussion and that’s fine by me. People must say what they want to. It’s the only way things get sorted. Well, that and rubber bullets.
Also, I must admit that my Afrikaans isn’t all that it might be, which leaves me a little behind when posting on a predominantly Afrikaans site, (although a GCSE in German stands one in surprisingly good stead when it comes to the basic vocabulary).

However, two things changed that plan of (lack of) action in this case. One was the same commenter popping up over here and the other was the point at which I got my basic Afrikaans together and realised exactly what he was moaning about. Either of which would have made him fair game, to be honest… but both together – well…

Yes, My Name is Botha (as in Earl) – let’s call him “MNIB” for short – is upset about… (and here I pause for dramatic effect)… the title of my blog. He whines:

HY impliseer dat ONS nie beskaafd is nie!
(HE is implying that WE aren’t cultured!)

No, I’m not. Unless you’re Australian. Are you Australian?

MNIB has failed to see the heavy sarcasm dripping from every letter of the title. However, rather than lecture me on the good (or civilised) bits of South Africa, he instead goes on the attack – telling me about how my native country is assisting with the destruction of Islam and is at war with the Irish (really?!?).  

So: Luister MNIB – I think I’m more in love with SA than you are. While you can only be negative about the UK (so far as to make up fake wars!), I’ve long been waxing lyrical over how great this country is. About the milk stout, the optimism, the people, the mountains, the spirit, the beaches etc etc.
The title of the site is very much tongue in cheek – when one has seen Oxford’s Blackbird Leys on a Friday night, one could never truly accept the UK as a bastion of civilised behaviour.  

As I said in my reply to your comment – I won’t be changing the name of the site, even if you pay for the rebranding. I honestly can’t see that your suggestion: 9,600 kms from s**t would really attract as many visitors as the now (in)famous 6000 miles… brand does. Also, as I have absolutely no bearing upon the decisions of the British government, which is nearly (but not quite) as barmy as their SA counterparts, I will be unable to prevent them participating in conflicts overseas.

Maybe you’ll actually choose to read a few of the posts on here and you’ll see what I mean. But more likely, I guess you’ll just mutter doos and start whining when I post at bosparra again.

Your choice. But asb… think before you moan.

* “Listen Englishman, since you don’t like it here, why don’t you go back to England?” 

BBC, baby!

As Thabo Mbeki finally pays heed to everyone’s pleas to bring in the army in order to try and quell the xenophobic violence which has flared up across South Africa, the BBC News website quotes 6000 miles… amongst others in its 21st May article, SA Bloggers want end to violence.

Fame at last.

I am also available for bar mitzvahs, opening of local fêtes and judging this year’s Idols competition.
My rates are very competitive.

These xenophobic acts are undoubtedly a political issue. Our politicians obviously need better advice from better educated people. You could make a difference to South Africa’s future by visiting jonnyharvard.com and sending one of those political advisors to Harvard. Do it. Please.

Problems in Zim, Problems in Sheffield

Just when the poor people stuck just over the border (though admittedly a border a long, long way from me here) thought that bent elections, crooked politicians, ridiculous inflation, food shortages, violence and intimidation were the only minor issues they had to face upon getting up this morning, comes this.

Yes, according to the BBC News website, African leaders have now taken their lead from Thabo Mbeki and Mad Bob and are further conspiring against the Zimbabwean people – and not just any Zimbabwean people – some the most vulnerable: Amputees.


BBC News spells it out clearly. No arms for Zim.

I am appalled.  How are these unfortunate people supposed to find gainful employment when their prosthetic limbs are denied entry to the country over some inconsequential political spat?

Meanwhile back in Sheffield, copper theft from electricity substations is out of control, apparently.
No – wait – surely I mean Cape Town?
Hmm – this is the perfect home from home, it seems.