I’ll be back tomorrow, assuming I make it through the night.

“This decision will make so many people happy,” stated event director Tyrone Perfect. “Horses are such sweaty, smelly animals and don’t fit well with our vision for the Met of the future. Last year, there was almost an incident when the bold colours and abstract shapes of a rather avant garde – but totally fabulous outfit – scared one of the animals in the parade ring. I mean, thank heavens that no-one was injured, but we felt that it was a sign that haute couture and horses simply don’t mix. One of them simply had to go, and there’s simply no way that we could lose the fabulous fashion, darling. Simply no way.”

Indeed, when we surveyed prospective guests, the decision seemed to be popular. “It’s a good idea. No-one watches the racing. And it’ll mean more time and space for getting drunk and leering at drunk girls in short dresses,” said failed student Aaron Castlelite, while Met veteran Edith Cougar agreed: “Back when I first went to the Met in the 50s, we used to marvel the power and the muscle of those magnificent beasts, but since they let the native men in, there’s so much more to enjoy than the horses.”

Betting manager Roy Cash had only been made aware of the decision earlier in the day and was yet to hear of exactly it would affect his staff. “Obviously, I want to protect the livelihood of my business and the jobs of my workers and although I’ve seen nothing on paper yet,  Tyrone has told me that instead of betting at the Met, once the horses have gone, the plan is to just get the punters to give us a few hundred Rand each – cut out the middle man, as it were. That way, we can guarantee our profits and remove the ongoing problem of smug bastards who get lucky and then claim that they actually knew what they were doing.”

Perfect was anxious to promote the advantages of the proposed changes: “The Met is all simply about breaking down barriers and that’s literally what we’ll be doing in 2014 – taking down those ugly white railings for good. We’ll have more space for more people and more marquees with arrogant bar staff serving overpriced cocktails and we can also expand on our competitions like Best Dressed Man, Best Dressed Woman, Best Dressed Couple, Best Dressed Group and Best Dressed Event Director. Hello!
Oh and also, we’re going to pilot a project this year where we try and find someone who actually paid for a Met entry ticket and then we’re going to put them on stage and openly ridicule them. Believe me, it will be simply fabulous.”

The 2012 J&B Met is on at Kenilworth Racecourse this Saturday 28th January.

As one comment notes:

It’s a shame it will go down in history as c Mason b Nethula. It doesn’t do justice to the job that Small did at all.

That could be said for United’s 3rd round exploits as well. While the scoreline will forever read 3-1, it doesn’t do justice to the 74,316 shots we had at Salisbury’s goal. Nor for the amazing job their goalkeeper did.

Still – all’s well that ends well – a win is a win and a wicket is a wicket.

 A private company, which built the R2 million Gianluca Vialli Soccer Centre at Sea Point High School, has lost an application for leave to appeal a Western Cape High Court judgment ordering it to cease operating the facility.

This means the centre has to stop operating by Monday.

Emilel Investments 19 completed the construction of the centre last June.
With the blessing of the school principal, Emilel forked out the funds to turn the school’s unused, dilapidated tennis courts into two new five-a-side, Fifa-approved astroturf football pitches and a modern clubhouse.
The biggest earner was a friendly corporate league in which companies’ five-a-side teams competed. A weekend market operated by businessman David van Rensburg was also introduced.

However, residents around the school lodged an application to stop the operation of the facility, saying it contravened the city’s zoning regulations and constituted a common law nuisance because of the timing of activities, loud noise and parking problems.

In September, Judge André le Grange found the city’s consent for the facility was necessary. He gave Emilel and Van Rensburg until 6pm on December 12 to stop operating and to consider their options.
On Tuesday, Emilel applied for leave to appeal the ruling.

It’s sad, because this was a great, well-maintained facility on a patch of land which was previously completely derelict. But I do have some sympathy with the local residents as well: 5-a-side football isn’t exactly the quietest of sports – we tend to bring some passion and some volume each Tuesday and Thursday evening.
Fortunately, this year’s “biggest earner” (this a laughable statement, by the way) leagues had already finished.

Anyway, it looks like we’re going to have to take our balls and play with them elsewhere.

Gary Speed MBE
8 September 1969 – 27 November 2011

Having been away from all radio, internet and cellphone contact this weekend (try it, you might like it), I was hugely shocked and saddened (as I’m sure many others were) to hear of the apparent suicide of Gary Speed – footballer, Wales manager and – more pertinently for me – ex-Sheffield United player and boss.

Here’s the statement from the United website:

Everyone at Sheffield United Football Club is shocked to hear of the death of former player, coach and manager Gary Speed.

Gary made his debut for the Blades on New Year’s Day 2008 in a 0-0 draw against Wolves. He retired as a player in the summer of 2009 but continued his career in the game by taking up a coaching role at Sheffield United.
Three games into the 2010/11 season Gary replaced Kevin Blackwell as manager before moving to manage the Wales national team in December 2010.

Sheffield United director Scott McCabe said: “This is devastating news. All the thoughts and prayers of the board of directors and staff at the club are with Gary’s family at this very sad time.”

Former playing colleague now player coach with the Blades, Chris Morgan: “I just cannot believe that Gary has died. He was extremely popular at Bramall Lane both as a player and in a managerial capacity with all the lads. His death is a very sad loss.”

All too often when someone young (Speed was just 42 years old) and well-known passes away, the grief athletes come out in droves and lament their death as if they were a saint. I’m usually rather more emotionless and rational, but in this instance, I find myself sad at the passing of a man who appeared throughout his career to be a genuine, honest and down-to-earth guy.

RIP Gary Speed.

The WPRFU Executive Committee decided that the home of rugby, Newlands, would stage this historic match. According to the South African Rugby Union Constitution the final decision regarding the match venue lies in the hands of the host union.

This news was greeted by a hearty rattle of walking sticks and zimmer frames.

The thing is though, Saracens – who made the official approach to have the match played in Cape Town – don’t want to play at Newlands. They want to play at the Cape Town Stadium, hence their official approach to have the game played at… er… the Cape Town Stadium.

This could be seen as a not-so-subtle hint that WPRU has no intention of moving to the new stadium. A not-so-subtle hint which mirrors the no-so-subtle hint of Newlands only being awarded the South Africa v Argentina test next year, which all the “big” tests (Australia, New Zealand, England) went to 2o10 World Cup venues.

The Committee unanimously agreed that Newlands is currently the home of rugby in the Western Province, and will be treated as such for the foreseeable future. Newlands is one of the oldest rugby stadia in the world, with excellent facilities and currently boasts some of the highest attendance levels in world rugby.

Excellent facilities including decaying concrete, poor lighting, no parking and so on. And those attendance levels? Sure, they’re great – but  how many of those fans wouldn’t travel 10km up the road for a better experience at a better stadium?

It’s a poke in the eye for the City of Cape Town. A reminder of who runs rugby in the Cape. A sign of what’s to come if the City thinks it’s going to “force” WPRU away from Newlands. It’s a watershed moment and instead of embracing common sense and the wishes of so many people in Cape Town, WPRU are obstinately stuck in the past, sitting blinkered in their own little world.

Whether the game will now even go ahead at all is yet to be seen. If not, that would mean a loss of revenue for many stakeholders – including WPRU.

How long before they learn their lesson?

It’s worth a read.

And even today, it’s been a bit odd:

Lots of silly hype about 11/11/11 and especially about 11:11 on 11/11/11.

In the cricket at Newlands, SA messed up by being 111/1 11 minutes early at 11:00 on 11/11/11.
However, they made up for it 11 minutes later by needing 111 to win at 11:11 on 11/11/11.

*cue twilight zone music*

It seems that the former Cheetahs, Golden Lions and Springbok player will be taking over from Peter de Villiers when his contract ends at the end of the year. He has been working as the senior professional coach at Western Province and the Stormers and was the Boks technical advisor at the recent 2011 Rugby World Cup.

This post will either be trumpeted loudly upon his appointment or will mysteriously disappear should anyone else get the job.

You heard it here first. Again.

…let me tell you about something else that was happening at the same time as the Conference, just a walk away, in Trafalgar Square.
This was the NFL Fan Rally, happening a day ahead of the game between the Chicago Bears and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, at Wembley, yesterday.  Yes, really.  The NFL exports one of its game to London every year, to fly the flag for their sport, in a foreign part.

So, on Saturday afternoon, I snuck out of the Conference, to take a look at this Fan Rally, with my camera, of course.

By the time I got there, the event was winding down as far as the official entertainment on offer was concerned, but there were still large numbers of fans milling about amiably, chatting, drinking beer, purchasing memorabilia, and enjoying the bright autumn sunshine.

Generic shots – of the same thing over and over again but different every time – are my favourite sort.  And I quickly realised that the thing that there were a great many of here, the same every time but different every time, was shirts with the names of NFL stars on the back, each with a big number.  So that was what I hoovered up with my little camera.

The photos are simply – but really cleverly – arranged:

For the full effect, go take a look.

Says YouTube user mscmcc:

Mountain Biker, Evan van der Spuy of Team Jeep South Africa got taken out by a RED HARTEBEES at amountain bike race at Albert Falls Dam. Check out this crazy footage which was taken by team mate Travis Walker on his GoPro Camera – The BUCK sure does STOP HERE with Evan van der Spuy aka #BUCKNORRIS

Top marks for adding the slo-mo and the super-slo-mo.

Africa ain’t for sissies…