Minor manifestos (1)

Over the next week and a half, I’m going to have a wander through the manifestos of some of the smaller parties fighting the elections in search of the best election promises. I’m not promising a thorough review: I simply don’t have the time or energy for that. But I’m hopeful that I can find some good stuff in amongst all the promises that these guys will never get to break.

Inclusions/exclusions should not be viewed as approval or disapproval of any given institution or party.

Today: A quick look at some highlights from the LAND party manifesto.

Tagline: Reform and Open Up

They say: The LAND PARTY will secure victory through a new democratic LAND revolution and found a South African people’s democratic dictatorship through PEOPLE’S POWER

Some excerpts:

We will make sure that all schools have the resources they need.

Magic Money Tree™

We will reduce the cabinet to a maximum of ten worthy and dedicated ministers. We will abolish irrelevant departments like sport, small business, women and so on.

Ouch. Interestingly, a little later on in the document, there’s a whole 8-point plan under the headline “Advancing the Rights of Women”, but only once they’ve got rid of the “irrelevant” department concerned.

We will not allow prison or juvenile correctional facilities to be an option when dealing with juveniles and youth. They must rather be placed in military schools.

This sounds like the prologue to the A-Team.

LAND PARTY will order a complete strategic review of defence and security. We will asses emerging threats from all potential platforms, including cyber warfare.

Who’s going to do the donkey work on this, though?

We will build police stations out of glass. The people must SEE that the police is working and the police must be held accountable by the people they are serving.

Smashing idea.
Glass police stations, indeed. Given the lack of respect for the current ones made of bricks and mortar, I’d suggest that perspex might have a longer life span.

Look, as with any manifesto, there are probably some good ideas in there (glass police stations is not one of them). But equally, as with any other manifesto, it’s all completely pie-in-the-sky stuff. Until they get that Magic Money Tree™ orchard going, it’s laughably unachievable.

Election predictions (rolls eyes)

Pisspoor local online rag Business Insider has wasted yet more pixels by asking two “top astrologers” to predict the results of the upcoming South African elections.

What follows is an absolute masterclass in non-commitalism, in the astrologers’ traditional mother tongue of generic forecasting, with a few planets occasionally thrown in for utterly meaningless reference.

No asparagus in sight.

Lines like:

You will in fact be able to see the Moon close to Mars above the Western horizon just after sunset on the day before the election!

tempt us with some actual reality, before spinning us a nonsense tale that something might happen because of it:

Certain key political figures may make provocative and shocking statements, since Mercury-Uranus translates easily as ‘abrupt and startling communication’.

Talking out Uranus more like. Honestly, as if we need people looking at planets to suggest this sort of thing. It happens literally every single day, election or not. Charlatans.

Words and terms like “maybe”, “perhaps”, “it seems that”, “it looks like”, “may”, “might”, “could” and “possibly” are rolled out frequently in order to carefully avoid any actual concrete predictions, so they can rest safe knowing that technically, they can’t be “wrong”. But even then, much of what they suggest is still clearly just stating the bleeding obvious.

…it looks like Malema will waste no time in being vocal, assertive and demanding once the results are out.

…it seems there is some sort of weakening of the ANC’s position

…Mmusi Maimane could be quite busy after the (initial) results come in.

Who could have guessed? Except quite literally everyone.

Look, here’s the link so you can see just how poor it is. But if you really want to predict what’s going to happen on May 8, just read the news like everyone else (including “top astrologers” Nancy Massing and Richard Fidler). There’s no need to try and validate your quackery by trying to assign ridiculous reasoning to the highly predictable outcome.

It’s all complete bollocks.
But then – as a Virgo – I would say that, wouldn’t I?

This is a local tweet, for local people…

With apologies to The League of Gentlemen

This tweet was of the first things I saw when I logged on this morning.

And oh, well played, that man.

My goodness! Some water for that burn, ma’am?

 

(for those non-local readers, Patricia was Mayor of Cape Town for over eight years and was Western Cape Provincial Minister of Social Development prior to that)

(but now she’s not with the DA anymore [#grumpydivorce], and is standing against them in the upcoming election, apparently it’s all their fault that nothing got done)

(these things are never funny if you have to explain them)

(but jeez… politicians are shameless, hey?)

A man in the know speaks

There’s no doubting that SA is in a bad place at the moment regarding its power supply. Years of corruption, mismanagement and poor maintenance have left us in a deep hole. What I didn’t know was quite how deep.
Fortunately(?), expert Chris Yelland has now filled us all in.
(The hole, however, remains very much unfilled.)

1. SA is out of diesel
2. Pumped storage dams low
3. No power from Mozambique (2 lines down)
4. 5000 MW (8 generator units) down due to boiler tube leaks
5. Three units running but with boiler tube leaks
6. Other unplanned outages

and on point 3:

Both HVDC lines (1420 km, total capacity 1400 MW) from the Cahora Bassa hydro plant between Tsongo substation in Mozambique & Apollo substation in Gauteng are down due to the tropical cyclone. Damaged lines inaccessible, Extent of damage unknown. Time to restore lines unknown.

Oh dear. About as bad as it could get then.

Chris has also come up with a 6 point plan to try to help us climb out of the hole: click here for curated thread, which no-one with any authority will pay any attention to. This attitude is at least some of the reason we’re in this mess already.

TSROD understandably making gains

Further to my post yesterday and my ongoing and increasing disillusionment with anything political, be it British, European or South African, this fits so nicely.

 

To be honest, the only reason that TSROD isn’t sweeping the board is that it’s clearly a new option which people haven’t considered before.
If you offered the average man individual on the street The Sweet Release Of Death, they’d likely politely turn you down.

It’s only when you offer them the choice between The Sweet Release Of Death and any of the political parties on offer that TSROD suddenly becomes such an attractive option.

And that’s completely understandable.

 

image credit: the brilliant General Boles