Mostly snorfing

Today’s beagle walk through Claremont, upĀ that hill in Bishopscourt and back down through Wynberg Park was a slow one. The reason for this was the sheer amount of snorfing that occurred while we were out.

Beagles, much like humans, have 5 senses. The touch and taste are very much the same in both species, but that’s pretty much where the similarities end. Beagle sight is used exclusively for spotting squirrels, and it works quite well.
Sadly however, their hearing is often clearly muffled by large flappy ears. Spoken instructions or commands are usually ignored, not just because of the stubborn nature of the breed, but also because they are often simply not heard underneath those ridiculous, huge, pendulous hanging bits of furry skin on either side of its head.

Evolution has not favoured the beagle’s hearing system. Unless it detects the sound of a food item being unwrapped in the kitchen, of course.
Then there doesn’t seem to be any handicap at all.

However, what natural selection has removed from the aural abilities of the breed, it has surely made up for in that nose. So much so, in fact, that it has gone beyond a mere sense of smell to something far more complex and important: snorfing.

You won’t find snorfing in any dictionary, but every beagle owner will be able to describe it to you in intimate detail. Most every beagle walk will involve a huge amount of snorfing. It starts suddenly, usually resulting in some sort of shoulder injury for the human on the other end of the lead. And yes, it’s a bit like any other dog sniffing, but it’s somehow deeper, stronger: more detailed, more meaningful. Watching your beagle snorf (together with the added sound of internal snorfing ducts opening and closing), one can almost image a multicoloured, three-dimensional map being assembled in its mind as to what has been there, what they did, where they went and perhaps even so much as a telephone number and/or contact details of their owner, where applicable. It is a fascinating thing to behold.

Sadly, it’s also a very thorough and time-consuming process, and because beagle walks are often interrupted with several prolonged snorfing sessions, you don’t quite get all the exercise you might have been hoping for.
For reference, I walk almost twice as quickly when I don’t a snorfing beagle by my side.

That’s why you never see anyone running with a beagle. You’d literally get nowhere.

Not a squirrel

He was sitting on the kerb in the sun as we approached.

He saw the beagle and looked up at me nervously.

“Is she…?” he began.

“The friendliest dog in the world? Yes.” I replied, smiling.

He relaxed, visibly.

“Unless…” I began.

He stiffened again.

“Unless you’re a squirrel,” I said. “But you don’t look like a squirrel.”

Don’t snog your pet – rocket surgery research

We’ve covered the dangers of antibiotic resistance on the the blog many times before.
We’ve covered the dangers of unhygienic pets on the blog many times before.
Now, some rocket surgeons at Glasgow Poly Caledonian University have put the two together with some groundbreaking research:

I hope you are all sitting down, because the advice in this article is pretty shocking stuff, and may make you immediately rethink how intimately you’ve been living your life with your household pet.
I’m talking about near-incredible recommendations like:

Avoid kissing pets on the mouth

Seriously, just avoid kissing pets full stop.

Don’t let them pets lick your mouth or nose

This is basically french-kissing pets. It’s also to be avoided full stop.
And the nose fetish thing? Eww. No.

Pet owners should wash hands after stroking animals, particularly before meals

WHO KNEW?!?!?
WHO?!?!? KNEW?!?!?

Make sure pets eat from their own bowls and don’t use household utensils

I’m going to be a bit sick now.
And this from a guy whose beagle can’t even use a knife and fork anyway.

At least they stopped short of suggesting that you also always use a condom.
(At least, I hope they did: I haven’t read the whole paper yet.)

It really seems like these things shouldn’t need to be said to humans. We’re literally the most intelligent species on earth, and that’s why we really shouldn’t need to be reminded or warned not to snog our canines who were literally chewing on some faeces they found on the pavement just five minutes ago.

It’s also why household pets shouldn’t be allowed into establishments serving or selling food. It’s not about me being mean to your French Bulldog, it’s just about basic common sense and decent hygiene. It’s about your poor choices putting other people’s health at risk.

Honestly, you people disgust me.

Normally, I’d put this sort of thing into the Darwin Awards category: removing oneself from the gene pool through one’s own stupidly reckless behaviour. But that doesn’t work here, because sadly, this might – might – not actually finish you off, but it will lead to the proliferation of antibiotic-resistant bacteria which – as I mentioned above – might finish other people off.

Now, thanks to this “new” research from Dr Adele DicksonĀ et al., we’re able to actually demonstrate that your disgusting behaviour is bad for the human race in general.

Thus, for the good health of humanity, please stop this sort of stuff immediately. Ugh.

Dog on a Pass

Feeling a bit better today. Still a bit short on energy, but I guess I didn’t eat anything for 36 hours, so that’s to be expected.
I’m catching up with all the stuff I missed yesterday: we’ve already been down onto the beach and cleaned out the rockpool (very limited numbers of anything exciting considering the size of the tide).

There’s more to do too, so please accept this quota photo of the beagle atop the Franschhoek Pass on our way down here.

Not bad for a phone photo of an animal that hates having its photo taken. (B)eagle-eyed viewers may spot some photoshopping because the lead attached to the dog really detracted from the overall image. But then, if the lead hadn’t have been there, the lack of dog would have been an equally large problem.

Hours of TV

I’ve been watching football all afternoon and it’s been lovely*.

I do recognise that it’s not everyone’s cup of tea, though.

But then, some people beagles have weird taste.

 

* Sheffield United 1-0 QPR