On UK politics

As Helen Zille puts foot firmly into mouth with her “Colonialism wasn’t ALL bad” tweet, thus conveniently removing the spotlight of the SASSA scandal from the rotten and rotting ANC, I spotted this on twitter this morning.
Not sure whose words, but… well… yes.

Yep. It’s free rein for the Conservatives at the moment. Theresa May could poo on the front lawn of Buckingham Palace on live TV* and she’d still win the next election by a landslide. Helen Zille? Not so much.

* not a campaign suggestion.  

Where’s The Revolution?

In these turbulent political times, it’s the number one question being asked all over the world (aside from Cape Town, where it’s “Where’s The Rain?” and Barcelona where it’s “How on earth did the referee give that penalty?”).
It’s also the title of Depeche Mode’s new song:

The video, directed by Anton Corbijn, is waist-deep in symbolism and snapshots of recreated political history, Dave Gahan is the impassioned pseudo-dictator, wheeling his mighty soapbox around a monochromatic, dystopian, urban space and imploring his non-existent audience to rise up.

It’s powerful imagery.

On the actual music, much has been made of the production by James Ford of Simian Mobile Disco fame, but he’s sensibly not tinkered too much with the traditional Depeche Mode sound. In fact, it sounds like they’ve hardly moved on from 1990’s Violator, but since that was a near perfect offering, there’s no problem with that.

The new album – Spirit – is out next week.

Political statements

What with one thing (Brexit) and another (Trump), Western politics has been quite interesting of late. But that wasn’t always the case.
Still, despite those dramatic anomalies mentioned above – South African politics remains more interesting. And, for me, some of the best bits about South African politics are the enthusiastic media releases from various organisations, characterised by their excessive verbiage and circumlocution.

Who could forget when Blade Nzimande told us about:

the anti-majoritarian, conservative reactive groundswell that seeks to tarnish the whole movement, portraying us all as anti-constitutionalist and as narrow nationalist chauvinists.

Hmm?

Or when Fikile “Fickle” Mbalula waxed lyrical thus:

We were aware of the ultra-leftist tendencies that were aimed at uplifting pseudo-Marxist predispositions at the expense of the revolutionary recognition of the symbiotic link between national liberation and social emancipation; born out of the acknowledgement of the inter-play between the national oppression and class exploitation; in the context of the National Democratic Revolution.

Ah yes. Halcyon days.

This morning, I was greeted (not literally) by a media release from the ANC Women’s League. Now, after they commended the killing of wives in the Eastern Cape, you might not be expecting too much from them, but Secretary General Meokgo Matuba has really stepped up to the plate with this statement on the Land Reform debate in Parliament yesterday.
Here’s an excerpt:

Any delay by the ANC led government in implementing ANC resolutions will give grounds to demagoguery, opportunistic populist formations to throw rhetorics and portrays themselves as the champions of the poor and the working class. The funded mercenaries who are proudly bedfellows of our historical class enemies, will portray themselves as the solution to socio-economic challenges the country is facing whilst they are mere election footsoldiers of the neo-liberal political party that is advancing white supremacy.

I once threw rhetorics. It was a huge error. It turned out to be the gateway to lobbing oratories and from there I got heavily into flinging magniloquence. Still, I’ve been clean for a few years now, and I count it as nothing more than a difficult learning experience.
We all make mistakes.

There’s something about left-wing politics that seems to demand verbosity. And there’s a certain pomposity about South African politicians which gives them free rein – even encourages them – to use that verbosity whenever possible.

Long may it continue. It makes for really entertaining reading.

Political Results

Dotting i’s and crossing t’s.

Barbara Fielding of the Abolish Magna Carta Reinstate Monarchy Party polled 137 votes in the Stoke-on-Trent by-election.

That put her in sixth place behind Labour (7854), UKIP (5233), the Conservatives (5154), the Liberal Democrats (2083) and the Green Party (294).

Barbara finished ahead of The Incredible Flying Brick, who was representing the Monster Raving Loony Party (127), and the candidates from the BNP (124) and the Christian People’s Party (109). Independent Mohammad Akram brought up the rear with 56 votes.

137 votes represents 0.6% of the vote.

Prime Minister not yet, Barbara.

Manifesto

Today’s by-election in Stoke-on-Trent is being contested by several candidates:

Independent – Mohammad Akram
Liberal Democrat – Zulfiqar Ali
Conservative – Jack Brereton
Monster Raving Loony – The Incredible Flying Brick
Green – Adam Colclough
Christian Peoples – Godfrey Davies
Independent – Barbara Fielding
BNP – David Furness
UKIP – Paul Nuttall
Labour – Gareth Snell

At first glance (and, to be fair, at second glance too) the oddest candidate might seem to be The Incredible Flying Brick, but that’s only because you were too busy glancing to look properly at Barbara Fielding, who will later introduce herself to us by saying that “Book-Keeping and Accounts are my speciality with cleanups”.

Barbara is recorded as a vexatious litigant:

Vexatious litigation is legal action which is brought, regardless of its merits, solely to harass or subdue an adversary. It may take the form of a primary frivolous lawsuit or may be the repetitive, burdensome, and unwarranted filing of meritless motions in a matter which is otherwise a meritorious cause of action. Filing vexatious litigation is considered an abuse of the judicial process and may result in sanctions against the offender.

Barbara is representing her own party: The Abolish Magna Carta Reinstate Monarchy Party.

It’s a bit crappily anti-semitic and right wing. And their manifesto makes the Monster Raving Loonies look, well… positively sane. You can read the whole document here, of which Barbara tells us:

The above is my updated party Constitution and Manifesto, which will be added to as I see fit, and to give other politicians a chance to copy it, and make a mess of it, as usual.

Highlights include (but are not limited to):

The Unsigned Illegal document, The Magna Carta, will be Abolished.

Fair enough. Although it is kinda over 800 years old now.

Nuclear Power will be banned.
Fracking will incur imprisonment.

Not great.

Compensation will be paid to Dwarves created by Thalidomide.

Ah good, we’re back on track.
But then, there’s this:

The Death Penalty for anyone using a Radio Signal to kill or control another human being or animal, except in warfare.

Execution by Radio Signal, I’d guess?
And my favourite bit:

Psychiatrists and Mental Health workers will have a higher IQ than the patients they pretend to be superior to.

Possibly an indication of some of the people that Barbara has encountered in her recent past? I don’t know. I’m just saying.

You can view The Abolish Magna Carta Reinstate Monarchy Party website here, and you can join for £38 per annum although “application for membership of the Abolish Magna Carta, Reinstate Monarchy is subject to review by the Party and its Constituency Associations [that’s Barbara, folks – Ed.] before final approval.”

Barbara is not a big fan of men.

MEN ARE ALWAYS BEEFING ABOUT. WOUND UP. FIGHTING FIT.HYSTERICAL.
All over the world, Men seem to be up for it, no matter where they originate from.They all want to be top dog. and they all want to kill each other off to prove how manly they are. They are all control freaks.

All male animals, have this same behavioural problem. They kill off or quell the mild gentle intelligent males of their species and then breed prolifically with equally brainless females.

That is why today, the whole world is overcrowded with riotous, brainless, worthless, spiteful people, Who should never have been born, and whom the majority, seem to manifest themselves in the Dictatorship of the Arts world of Broadcasting and Media.

Or women:

Women are equally as foolish, They allow men to treat them like chattels, and condemn anyone who goes against the norm. They too dislike intelligent women, and will try to discredit them, or put them down, especially if they are truly inadequate themselves.

Or the media:

Maybe Donald Trump should try waterboarding on Journalists and DJ’s. I’m sure Marilyn, Howard Hughes, Aristotle Onassis, and I, are  not the only people to be duped, robbed, and murdered by these scum bags.

Wait. What? You’ve been duped, robbed, and murdered by Journalists and DJ’s?
OK, I’m actually quite impressed that you’re still able to stand as a candidate, then. Post-mortem politics is no cake walk.

I’m not sure who will win today’s by-election in Stoke-on-Trent, but I really, really hope it isn’t Barbara.