Political Results

Dotting i’s and crossing t’s.

Barbara Fielding of the Abolish Magna Carta Reinstate Monarchy Party polled 137 votes in the Stoke-on-Trent by-election.

That put her in sixth place behind Labour (7854), UKIP (5233), the Conservatives (5154), the Liberal Democrats (2083) and the Green Party (294).

Barbara finished ahead of The Incredible Flying Brick, who was representing the Monster Raving Loony Party (127), and the candidates from the BNP (124) and the Christian People’s Party (109). Independent Mohammad Akram brought up the rear with 56 votes.

137 votes represents 0.6% of the vote.

Prime Minister not yet, Barbara.

Manifesto

Today’s by-election in Stoke-on-Trent is being contested by several candidates:

Independent – Mohammad Akram
Liberal Democrat – Zulfiqar Ali
Conservative – Jack Brereton
Monster Raving Loony – The Incredible Flying Brick
Green – Adam Colclough
Christian Peoples – Godfrey Davies
Independent – Barbara Fielding
BNP – David Furness
UKIP – Paul Nuttall
Labour – Gareth Snell

At first glance (and, to be fair, at second glance too) the oddest candidate might seem to be The Incredible Flying Brick, but that’s only because you were too busy glancing to look properly at Barbara Fielding, who will later introduce herself to us by saying that “Book-Keeping and Accounts are my speciality with cleanups”.

Barbara is recorded as a vexatious litigant:

Vexatious litigation is legal action which is brought, regardless of its merits, solely to harass or subdue an adversary. It may take the form of a primary frivolous lawsuit or may be the repetitive, burdensome, and unwarranted filing of meritless motions in a matter which is otherwise a meritorious cause of action. Filing vexatious litigation is considered an abuse of the judicial process and may result in sanctions against the offender.

Barbara is representing her own party: The Abolish Magna Carta Reinstate Monarchy Party.

It’s a bit crappily anti-semitic and right wing. And their manifesto makes the Monster Raving Loonies look, well… positively sane. You can read the whole document here, of which Barbara tells us:

The above is my updated party Constitution and Manifesto, which will be added to as I see fit, and to give other politicians a chance to copy it, and make a mess of it, as usual.

Highlights include (but are not limited to):

The Unsigned Illegal document, The Magna Carta, will be Abolished.

Fair enough. Although it is kinda over 800 years old now.

Nuclear Power will be banned.
Fracking will incur imprisonment.

Not great.

Compensation will be paid to Dwarves created by Thalidomide.

Ah good, we’re back on track.
But then, there’s this:

The Death Penalty for anyone using a Radio Signal to kill or control another human being or animal, except in warfare.

Execution by Radio Signal, I’d guess?
And my favourite bit:

Psychiatrists and Mental Health workers will have a higher IQ than the patients they pretend to be superior to.

Possibly an indication of some of the people that Barbara has encountered in her recent past? I don’t know. I’m just saying.

You can view The Abolish Magna Carta Reinstate Monarchy Party website here, and you can join for £38 per annum although “application for membership of the Abolish Magna Carta, Reinstate Monarchy is subject to review by the Party and its Constituency Associations [that’s Barbara, folks – Ed.] before final approval.”

Barbara is not a big fan of men.

MEN ARE ALWAYS BEEFING ABOUT. WOUND UP. FIGHTING FIT.HYSTERICAL.
All over the world, Men seem to be up for it, no matter where they originate from.They all want to be top dog. and they all want to kill each other off to prove how manly they are. They are all control freaks.

All male animals, have this same behavioural problem. They kill off or quell the mild gentle intelligent males of their species and then breed prolifically with equally brainless females.

That is why today, the whole world is overcrowded with riotous, brainless, worthless, spiteful people, Who should never have been born, and whom the majority, seem to manifest themselves in the Dictatorship of the Arts world of Broadcasting and Media.

Or women:

Women are equally as foolish, They allow men to treat them like chattels, and condemn anyone who goes against the norm. They too dislike intelligent women, and will try to discredit them, or put them down, especially if they are truly inadequate themselves.

Or the media:

Maybe Donald Trump should try waterboarding on Journalists and DJ’s. I’m sure Marilyn, Howard Hughes, Aristotle Onassis, and I, are  not the only people to be duped, robbed, and murdered by these scum bags.

Wait. What? You’ve been duped, robbed, and murdered by Journalists and DJ’s?
OK, I’m actually quite impressed that you’re still able to stand as a candidate, then. Post-mortem politics is no cake walk.

I’m not sure who will win today’s by-election in Stoke-on-Trent, but I really, really hope it isn’t Barbara.

WLP

I’m not putting this on here for the reasons you might already be thinking of. I did hear it on the radio yesterday, and that was definitely for those reasons, but I’m steering clear of all that stuff on here (at least for the moment).

It is a great song – one of my favourites by REM – and deserves to be highlighted, regardless of the current global political machinations.

And this is albeit that the band themselves volunteered it as an anti-Trump song last year in yet another move which didn’t destroy him.

This is a longer live version, complete with a really young Michael Stipe (hey, it was filmed in 1989!), plenty of stick and chair action and a cinematic video. It takes a while to get going.

Be patient. Trust me.

Fire theories

There have been some wildfires recently. And while arson is likely to be the cause of some of them, could there be something even more sinister behind that arson?

Only yesterday, High Empress of the Western Cape, Helen Zille, sent out this tweet, “just asking” if the recent wildfires could be “accidental or coincidental”.

[EDIT: Actually, this is a SA Weather Service map showing warning for “veld fire conditions” (and “extreme heat”), not actual fires.]

To be honest, we’re all well aware that she has jumped on the conspiracy theory bandwagon and is “#justasking” if the ANC has a deliberate, coordinated arson campaign in full swing in order to “destabilise the [DA-run] Western Cape”. And even then, is that “accidental” or “coincidental”?
In my view, it’s neither. I think that would be “deliberate” and “coordinated”.

The trouble is, even in sharing the image above, Helen has basically answered her own unasked question. The fires are all in red or brown areas – marked as such because they are very dangerous or extreme risk for wildfires. Next to some of the fire icons are thermometer icons. They show that there is a heatwave, adding to the fire risk. And then there’s the green bit towards the south and east of the province. Limited fire risk there. And no fires. And then there are the those three fires icons in the [ANC-run] Northern Cape. Bit of an own goal there, ne?

So wildfires in fire season in high risk wildfire areas, during a heatwave, in the middle of a drought? Yeah. Sounds like an ANC campaign to me. [pops on tinfoil hat]

Cape Town will always suffer from wildfires though, because of the volcanic mountain on our doorstep. I think most people are unaware of this – obviously the city wouldn’t want panic to ensue when the 4.5 million residents realised that they were living right on top of an explodey volcanological time-bomb. So they’ve not mentioned it.

Sadly, thanks to this erstwhile FB user, the cat are now out of the bag.

Yeah. I mean, how unlikely is that cigarette or arson theory when you look at the “Lions Head is a sleeping volcano” reasoning. Of course, Lions Head isn’t a sleeping volcano, it’s sandstone on top of Cape granite (see here), as any meteorologist will tell you (once they’ve… er… stopped foolishly looking at the weather), but don’t let that stand in your way as you crash wildly through the fragile boundaries of reality and into your scary, alternate, “everything is going to repeatedly be set on fire and they’re not telling us why” dimension.

Wait… OMG! Fires on hot days? I hadn’t linked the two. Ever. She might actually be correct. I mean, it never burns in winter, does it? You know: Winter, when the volcanic mountains go cold for several months and there are no wildfires. Checkmate, skeptics!

And just in case you are still a non-believer:

Well, California, South and East Australia, OregonPeru and Canada, just off the top of my head. And, weirdly, all in summer. And double weirdly, all in places where the ANC wasn’t in power. And treble weirdly, all in places where the local authorities haven’t told residents that they’re living on top of a explodey volcanological time-bomb, even when they’re not.

Suddenly. It. All. Fits.

And our Facebooking friend has some advice for those who are commenting on her post:

Yeah. I mean, honestly. If you don’t know what you’re talking about when it comes to the volcano mountain or the natural annual fires, then just don’t get involved, ok? Just like she didn’t.

Sadly, this being the internet, and her theories being utterly laughable, some people did get involved and the lady making the volcano suggestions was on the receiving end of some not inconsiderable ridicule. And then, this being the internet, someone defended her, and so she said this:

Yeah, immatured people. Please actually think logically when you’re participating in matured conversations like ones about volcanoes which aren’t volcanoes lighting fires on extremely unbearably hot days.

Honestly. It’s not hard.

QUOCKERWODGER

The infamous QI Elves shared this on Twitter over the weekend:

I think it was conveniently timed to coincide with the upcoming Trump inauguration, but to be fair, we had our own quockerwodger long before DT came onto the political scene.

It seems like it is a borrowed definition:

The term quockerwodger, although originally referring to a wooden toy figure which jerks its limbs about when pulled by a string, has been supplemented with a political meaning. A pseudo-politician, one whose strings of action are pulled by somebody else, is now often termed a quockerwodger.

But it’s a highly accurate one for our President. And – if the “fake news” are to be believed – theirs as well.