They are monuments made of unworked stones that are used by the Inuit people for communication and survival. The traditional meaning of the Inukshuk is “Someone was here” or “You are on the right path.”

An Inukshuk is a welcome sight to a traveller on a featureless and forbidding landscape.

But the towers made by Alex and me on the beach have a far more fundamental message. They tell the South Atlantic Ocean who’s boss.

Briefly, anyway.

Remember King Cnut (“The Great”)? Allegedly, he:

…set his throne by the sea shore and commanded the tide to halt and not wet his feet and robes. Yet “continuing to rise as usual [the tide] dashed over his feet and legs without respect to his royal person. Then the king leapt backwards, saying: “Let all men know how empty and worthless is the power of kings, for there is none worthy of the name, but He whom heaven, earth, and sea obey by eternal laws.” He then hung his gold crown on a crucifix, and never wore it again “to the honour of God the almighty King”. This incident is usually misrepresented by popular commentators and politicians as an example of Cnut’s arrogance.

Cnut’s parents were called Sweyn Forkbeard and Sigrid the Haughty. No wonder he had issues.

Of course, nowadays, we know that the tides are influenced not by some mythical sky goblin, but by the magnetic pull of the sun and the moon and the rotation of the earth. They’re no less powerful than they were back in the 11th Century though and our stone towers’ arrogance is usually hastily dismissed, to Alex’s repeated disappointment.

Next time, I’m going to even up the odds a little by taking some cement along…

Just for the record, I have never asked either of my kids this. The answer would probably be too depressing or would put me (and them) in a very dangerous situation at home.

Safety first…

Before and even during arrival at school, she was excited and upbeat. I captured this as she lined up for the first time, ready to go into class and, I guess, as the reality of the situation suddenly hit home. But there were no tears. She’s a tough little thing and by Wednesday, we were dropping her off at the front gate and she was making her own way through to the school yard – albeit with her big brother by her side.

I imagine that there will be another little dip in confidence on Monday morning, but all things considered, she’s settled really quickly and we’re proud of them both.

One quick mention for Pammie-Jane who is (health willing) going to be playing with the sharks in the waters of East London (and more!) as she attempts another ridiculous Ironman. Good Luck!

Here at GeekDad we review a lot of products — books, toys, gadgets, software — and I know it’s impossible for most parents to actually afford all of the cool stuff that gets written up. Heck, most of us can’t afford it either, and we’re envious of the person who scored a review copy of a cool board game or awesome gizmo. (Disclosure: that person is probably me.) So while we love telling you about all the cool stuff that’s out there, I understand that as parents we all have limited budgets and we sometimes need help narrowing down our wishlists.

So to help you out, I’ve worked really hard to narrow down this list to five items that no kid should be without. All five should fit easily within any budget, and are appropriate for a wide age range so you get the most play out of each one. These are time-tested and kid-approved! And as a bonus, these five can be combined for extra-super-happy-fun-time.

I went into the article, ready to disagree with some American subjective approach. I came out understanding and concurring with just about every word he wrote. ”GeekDad” Jonathan Liu brings us a sobering reminder that childhood doesn’t have to be all about PS3, LeapPads and Wii.

His list – complete with reasoned argument for each entry – reads as follows:

1. Stick
2. Box
3. String
4. Cardboard tube
5. Dirt

And yes, he’s correct, although I’d also possibly have ball, bucket, river, vuvuzela & rubber chicken on standby.

He’s even followed it up with another article, in which he rates water as the Sixth Best Toy Of All Time, pipping “rock”, “bubble-wrap”, “ball” and “tape” to the post. It’s worth a read.

We all like to have a visual record of our children’s school shows. Hell, I’m there like a bear with my camera and the good old Sony camcorder, frantically recording each and every moment for posterity and my son’s 21st birthday party.
But here’s the thing – I don’t have a massive camera. It fits right in front of my face. The camcorder is even smaller – palm of your hand job. It could almost be used for covert surveillance – assuming that the person you were surveilling had some degree of visual impairment. My point is this – it doesn’t get in anyone else’s way. And that allows them to take photos and videos of their child, singing their heart out about some allegedly Wise Men chasing a comet.

Not so, the iPad. Like a Bishop’s Boy, it can’t wait to tell you that it is an iPad and – this year, for the first time – it can’t wait to get in your way when you want to watch your kid’s Christmas production:

Hold it up a bit higher, love – some people can still see past it!

The weather was terrible, the light was awful and most every one of my photos features Steve Jobs’ finest work to date. And let’s face it, he’s unlikely to top it now, is he?

Of course, I’m in no way suggesting that people shouldn’t use their iPads for videoing school concerts or other events. It’s a great way of recording proceedings and it’s absolutely lovely to know that you have an iPad. I’m merely saying that if your primary method of digitally preserving the school nativity play involves you holding something the size of a piece of A4 up above your head for the entire gig, maybe you should consider the people behind you, who have also come to see their kids’ performance.

If you’re a parent of young kids and you haven’t been there yet, you’re missing out. We were there between 5:30 and 7pm yesterday evening (it’s open 7am to 7pm) and had to physically tear the kids away from the place. And while there were families around, it was serene and peaceful there yesterday (aside from Alex splitting his toe open and the associated noise), I can only begin to imagine how packed it is going to be during the upcoming holidays *shudder*.

Something else which is going to be busy and fun is the Newlands VWS Open Day on Saturday. Now look, I’m telling you about this because it was an amazing experience for my boy last year, but I don’t want you all to turn up, otherwise it’ll just be rubbish. Apart from all the usual fire engines, helicopters and big hoses (careful now), there are snake shows, stall and competitions:

09:00: Gates open
10:15: Snake show
11:00: Firefighting display and chopper drop
13:15: Snake show (repeat)
14:00: Best-dressed firefighter competition
14:00: Firefighting display and chopper drop (repeat)
16:00: Gates close

I can highly recommend it.

And then to complete your parenting weekend plans, how about a visit to the magnificent Cape Town Stadium for the Ajax Cape Town vs Bloemfontein Celtic match on Sunday? Gates open at 1pm and kick off is at 3:30pm.

Ajax are once again making this one of their Family Fun Days, with jumping castles, fussball, face-painting and entertainment for everyone. I want you all to turn up (this includes the Ajax strikers), otherwise it’ll just be rubbish.

Add these events to the School PTA Fun Day and a braai from 3pm on Saturday and I’ll be glad to get back to work on Monday for a nice break. (Just kidding boss! hehehehe.)

*cough*

And I think this one has the potential to go viral too. It’s a one year old girl (the daughter of the CEO of the French Telecoms company Orange-Vallee, as it happens) who can’t understand why she can’t pinch-zoom and scroll on a magazine.

As her Dad says:

Technology codes our minds, changes our OS. Apple products have done this extensively. The video shows how magazines are now useless and impossible to understand, for digital natives. It shows real life clip of a 1-year old, growing among touch screens and print. And how the latter becomes irrelevant. Medium is message.

There’s nothing wrong with this. Things move on, we advance, we progress. Yes, books are great to hold and touch and smell (for weird people), but those are simply emotional responses. And while it’s fine to have emotional responses, we shouldn’t let them hold us back. We have to realise and we have to accept that in the future, books as we know them almost certainly won’t exist. Just as if I handed my kids a cassette tape or a rotary-dial telephone, they wouldn’t know what to do with it, so this one year old doesn’t understand why she doesn’t get any response from the magazines.

One thing it does make me realise is how important introducing as much new technology as possible into my kids’ lives is. Because being able to utilise touchscreens and the internet is every bit as important to them as being able to read a book was to us “back in the old days”.

I got home last night to discover that while the babysitter had been making the kids’ dinner, Alex had cut his own fringe.

He was extremely proud, as you can see from the huge grin above. Some words were had, mainly about the presence of scissors (albeit safety scissors) near his eyes, but I believe that this is actually a rite of passage of sorts.

After all, it’s not like his Dad hasn’t had his fair share of dodgy haircuts over the years…

You can’t blame the kids: they live in an absolute hole. There’s no father figure in their lives – he was killed while carrying out a robbery – and their mother seems uncaring. Indeed, as far as I can see, they are pretty much left to their own devices for the whole day as she heads out shopping, merely telling them:

Now run along and don’t get into mischief.

Immediately, ignoring her advice, 3 of the children head out looting:

Flopsy, Mopsy, Cotton-tail who were good little bunnies, went down the lane to gather blackberries.

Presumably “the lane” is White Hart Lane in Tottenham and the blackberries come from the local O2 shop.

But this story centres mainly around the eldest sibling, Peter. While the others are illegally garnering crappy cellphones, he engages in trespass and theft in the garden of a local elderly resident.

First he ate some lettuces and French beans; then he ate some radishes;
And then, feeling rather sick, he went to look for some parsley.

I’m guessing “parsley” is street slang for marijuana or some such illicit substance.

All is going well for Peter until, smashed off his face on “parsley”, he encounters the homeowner and a chase ensues. Now all too often, we have heard of these OAPs keeling over with a heart attack, but fortunately, this guy seems stronger, and armed with a gardening implement, he goes after Peter.

Peter hides in an outbuilding and – in an effort to change his appearance – sheds his jacket. However, the old man tracks him down and Peter ends up smashing a window, “upsetting three plants” and possibly getting injured while escaping:

After a time, he began to wander about , going lippity-lippity – not very fast and looking all around.

Once he believes the coast is clear, he decides to make a run for it and manages to make it back home. No questions are asked as to where he has been or what he has done – indeed, his mother merely doses him up with camomile tea (the leporine equivalent of ritalin, I suppose) before he heads off to bed.

It’s a truly shocking tale and the worst bit about it is that it is openly and widely available to our children. Are there really lessons in here that we want to teach them? That non-existent parenting is acceptable? That petty crime has no consequences? That regular use of parsley is not something to be concerned about?

Is it any wonder we find ourselves facing these problems?

It happened while I was bathing the kids last night. We’d just watched the International Space Station pass over Cape Town (something that the kids love) and we were talking about why the space shuttle was up there, attached to the ISS, and what it was doing.

It was then that Alex came out with that quote:

Dad, how come you know everything and Mum doesn’t?

It took a couple of seconds to register and then I had to walk to the bathroom door to quietly guffaw until I cried. I was met there by my wife, who had also heard what her son had to say as she was coming up the stairs, and had that “Don’t you dare say anything” look on her face. Not that I could have talked anyway – I was creased from laughing.

The kids spent this morning watching some spectacular images on the NASA streaming video feed as the shuttle undocked from the ISS for the last time. I spent the morning getting emails about how much bandwidth I was using.

And knowing everything, obviously.