BIOPRO i-H2O

I was just looking into the benefits of activated water via the BioPro Technology site:

When age-old secrets from Mother Earth are combined with cutting edge technologies, a new generation of wellness solutions is born that is bound to change the energetics of the planet as we know it.

Ja right.
Frankly, I’m amazed that given the amazing benefits and the bargain price of just R8,145.61 (+VAT) per BIOPRO i-H2O™ System, South Africa isn’t laden with the patented system devised by (no joke) Dr Igor Smirnov. 

Following the disastrous nuclear radiation leak at Chernobyl, the brilliant Russian Scientist Dr. Igor Smirnov and his team were called in by the Soviet government to research the healing effects of certain mountain springs on victims of the radioactive fallout.  Through Nuclear Magnetic Resonance Tests and Infrared Spectroscopy, Dr. Smirnov discovered the water’s healing secrets, an unusual configuration and high-energy activity of water molecules.
Following that amazing discovery, Dr. Smirnov focused his efforts on a technology that could replicate this amazing natural process. The result, MRET®, a proprietary, patented noise field technology that closely resembles the natural geomagnetic field found near healing water springs, which effectively activates and structures water molecules.

Often, these “pseudo-science” technologies are dismissed as frauds and quackery. But it’s not nonsense. Honestly. Because there are a multitude of scientific papers proving the benefits of MRET and i-H2O in killing germs, enhacing red cell morphology, increasing plant growth and more, including:

  • Smirnov, I.V. (2007) “The Anomalous Low Viscosity and Polarized-Oriented Multilayer Structure of MRET Activated Water” Explore Magazine, Vol.16, No.4: 37-39, USA
  • Smirnov, I.V. (2007) “MRET Activated Water and its Successful Application for Preventive Treatment and Enhanced Tumor Resistance in Oncology” European Journal for Scientific Research, Vol.16, No.4: 575-583, Germany
  • Smirnov, I.V. (2006) “The Physiological Effect of MRET Activated Water on Patients Suffering from AIDS” Explore Magazine, Vol.15, No.2: 37-40, USA
  • Smirnov, I.V. and Peerayot, T. (2006) “The Physiological Effect of MRET Activated Water” Explore Magazine, Vol.15, No.1: 38-44, USA
  • Smirnov, I.V. (2006) “Clinical Observation by Peerayot Trongsawad, M. D., Using MRET-Activated Water as Additional Treatment” Explore Magazine, Vol.14, No.6, USA
  • Smirnov, I.V. (2005) “The Possible Effect of MRET Activated Water on Diabetic Patients” Explore Magazine, Vol.14, No.2: 49-54, USA
  • Smirnov, I.V. (2004) “The Effect of a Specially Modified Electromagnetic Field on the Molecular Structure of Liquid Water” Explore Magazine, Vol.13, No.1, USA
  • Smirnov, I.V. (2003) “Mechanism of Activated Water’s Biological Effect on Viruses” Explore Magazine, Vol.12, No.4: 34-36, USA
  • Smirnov, I.V. (2002) “Activated Water” Electric Spacecraft Journal, No.33: 15-17, USA
  • Smirnov, I.V. (2002) “Activated Water” Explore Magazine, Vol.11, No.2: 49-53, USA

Bit Smirnovvy yes, but surely no conflict of interest? But check that penultimate one: the Electric Sparecraft Journal. I’m impressed. Getting published in the ESJ takes a whole lot of tinfoil. And while we’re on that subject, better put on your protective tinfoil helmet just in case Dr Smironoff’s 1994 invention comes after you:

Igor Smirnov from Moscow Academy of Medicine demonstrated for the U.S. secret services and FBI experts a device which was capable to subliminally implant thoughts in peoples minds and in this way control their actions.

The rest, as they say, is history. (i.e. we’ve not heard of it since).

Of course, there’s a serious side to this nonsense as well – it concerns me that he’s suggesting that his special water can benefit AIDS patients. We have experienced the infamous quack Mathias Rath preying on vulnerable HIV+ individuals in South Africa with his “vitamins cure AIDS” bullshit and while the BioPro website does come with a disclaimer, it’s tucked away very neatly right at the bottom. I wonder how many disclaimers their “direct marketing” staff give?

I don’t know why this sort of  thing is allowed. It’s basically fraud and let’s face it, we have enough issues around fraud in the country right now. All I can advise, as a scientist with [number] years experience, is that you could find a whole lot better stuff to buy if you just happen to have R9,286 lying around.

Dan Power wastes energy

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We’ve all had it up to here [indicates height of rising sea level at about neck level] with eco-whiners whining about the eco, haven’t we? 
It’s not that I don’t recognise the need to be kinder to the environment, it’s just that I’m getting annoyed with constantly being told about it – like the utterly pointless Earth Hour this weekend. Switching off my lights on Saturday evening  won’t raise any awareness amongst my neighbours, because they’ll all be watching TV with their lights on and their curtains closed. And then when all the treehuggers switch their power back on, there’ll actually be a bigger power demand with the “spike” as appliances start up again. Possibly.
Who can forget the embarrassing fiasco of Energy Saving Day in the UK last year, when power consumption actually increased 0.1% above average. Oops.
Anyway, I utilise about 8 hours of power saving each night when I switch all my lights off and go to bed. It’s like 8 Earth Hours in one go. Brilliant.

If the upcoming Earth Hour has made the festering boil on the neck of humanity come to a oily, oozing head, then step forward Dan Power – because he’s the man to squeeze the pus out and ease the pressure with his Energy Wasting Day on April 1st.

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K1_O6NDTbvw]

Embarrassingly cheesy amateur British comedy at it’s best. Yes, I’m cringing too.

Of course, it’s all in a good cause: namely treehugging and eco-awareness via together.com. But what a refreshingly not in-your-face way of going about things. Because you can easily make a bit of a difference every day, without gimmicks like Earth Hour. At Chez 6000, we already institute a wide range of energy saving practices, we recycle and we only fly long-haul when we need to be somewhere far away from the place where we currently are. But I don’t go round constantly telling people about it (apart from just now) and I don’t go round forcing them to do the same.

What I do around constantly telling people about and forcing them to do is voting for this blog in the 2009 South African Blog Awards. It won’t save the planet – hell, it won’t even win me the award – but it’ll make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside, like a high-quality brandy on a cold winter’s day. Which we won’t be having many more of if global warming kicks in, anyway.

South African Nursery Rhymes

And lo, it came to pass that I realised quite how out of date and unrealistic nursery rhymes are.
What am I teaching my children? It’s bad enough that one of them thinks there’s a Gruffalo hiding in the back garden without them assuming that horticultural success can be achieved simply by the addition of expensive campanological implements, Cerastoderma edule and a line of random tarts fresh from Sea Point Main Road.

So, I was lying in bed this morning thinking of how one could best update and refresh nursery rhymes to actually be relevant to South Africa today. And I reckon there’s some mileage in this one, since observational humour is da bomb over here right now. And remember, we’re laughing with ourselves, not at ourselves. Sort of.

Let’s look at Little Bo Peep as our first example. And if you are more than 12 years old or you don’t have kids, allow me to remind you of the folly of the original prose:

Little Bo Peep has lost her sheep,
And doesn’t know where to find them.
Leave them alone and they’ll come home,
Wagging their tails behind them.

One can learn so much from those four simple lines.

Employment Equity – as described in the Employment Equity Act, 55 of 1998 – details how affirmative action should be applied wherever possible to ensure that previously disadvantaged groups are given preference when applying for employment. Wonderful. But look, women (a previously disadvantaged group) are simply not suited to some positions of responsibility*.
Take Little Bo Peep. She is obviously just not cut out to be a shepherd.  Her one task: look after the sheep. Failed.
I’m not generalising here**, but the chances are that she was on Mxit or chatting with her friend about how fat Little Miss Muffet has got lately or something and turned around to find her flock had been stolen.
Her lack of height probably doesn’t help either: a taller ovine guardian would be able to see over the unkempt grass.

And now she doesn’t know where to find them. Well, surprise, surprise.
Actually, not. Given that a woman’s sense of direction is about as good as that of a fridge, I’m not shocked at all. However, one thing in her favour is that she may at least ask passers-by if they have seen her sheep. A male shepherd would merely set about finding them himself, probably with equally limited success. Though decorating the local streetlamps with a myriad of poorly photocopied A4 “Missing Sheep” posters, as people seem to do when looking for “Lucky” their Jack Russell (later often found to be a misnomer of note), would probably not assist.

The bad news is, since sheep are also pretty rubbish with directions, it’s highly unlikely that they will merely just arrive back in their field by chance. This is assuming that they have “just wandered off” and not been stolen. In these tough economic times, lamb, mutton and wool are sought-after commodities and desperate thieves will steal anything that’s not nailed down. Sadly (for the sheep), I think the most likely place for them to be found is in pieces on a braai or in a big steaming pot over a fire. And those sort of temperatures are going to render the Altech-Netstar tracking device that Little Bo Peep’s boss installed, useless.
Sure, they may have found Annanias Mathe, but he wasn’t being slowly grilled over hot coals. Although, maybe he is being now.

So, in summary, we have a wholly inept shepherdess, employed not because of her skills, but because of her demographic. Not only does she manage to lose the sheep, she has no idea where to even begin to look for them. And let’s face it, it’s completely unrealistic to expect their safe return.
Yet I’m supposed to relay this information to my offspring as being gospel, despite the fact it’s undeniably irrelevant and incorrect. Complete fantasy. No chance.

Next week, I’ll address the utterly stupid tale of Jack and Jill, exploring the issues of siting a wellpoint at the top of a hill, basic time management in sending two people to do the job of one in the modern corporate world and the medico-legal implications of using ethanoic acid and parcel wrapping to staunch bleeding from a severe head wound.

* [sits back and awaits the firestorm.]
** No… wait… actually, I am.

Toothpaste is coming

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Wonderful news. It’s been well over a year since Mrs 6k and I announced that we were expecting little K-pu and indeed, it’s been over 8 months since little K-pu arrived in a blaze of gory. Dealing with two small kids is hard work, as any parent will tell you, so imagine how I felt when it was announced that we have another one on the way.

The timing actually couldn’t have been worse. A disturbed night with the little one, concluding at 5:45am at which point she (and I) decided to give up completely on the idea of any further slumbers; a Monday morning with the slightest hint of a Grolsch-induced hangover; a hectic week at work and (as yet unknown to anyone except himself) a flat tyre on Roeland the Clio. Oh Happy Day.

So picture my “amusement” when, at 7am, it was announced to me. No beating about the bush, no gentle introduction, no “wouldn’t you like to sit down and have a coffee, dear?” – straight in there.

I’ve got a baby in my tummy and it’s getting bigger and bigger and bigger.

I was stunned. “What are we going to do?”, I asked.

I’m going to call it Toothpaste and it’s going to buy me a new train set.

“Cool. Want to come and watch Winnie the Pooh now?”

Yes.

For those of you who haven’t caught on yet, it’s our almost-three-year-old son that is “expecting”. And not just a baby called Toothpaste, but a new train set as well, it seems.

This is no bad omen. Choosing a name as daft as “Toothpaste” indicates that little Alex will surely one day be some sort of film star or musical artiste, earning megabucks and therefore be able to look after us long into our retirement. Which, assuming he makes his first movie/number one aged eight, will begin in around five years time.

I can’t wait.

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Unfortunate Twiming

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Every so often, twitter has a way of making things that really aren’t funny, funny.

Like this morning, when the sad news of Jade Goody’s death reached the BBC. And Bridget wrote a blog post.

oh-goody
Not funny

Of course, just to clarify (if you can’t be bothered to click through) the two were completely unconnected.
Just a case of unfortunate twiming.

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