Delaying arrest with Sad and Rad

You know the problem. You’ve gone and murdered a few thousand ethnically different people and now the nanny state authories are unhappy for some reason and they want to arrest you and take you to Holland.
And we’re not talking special cafes and scantily-dressed ladies in Amsterdam – we’re talking war crimes courts in The Hague, Europe’s third most boring city behind Brussels and Brussels.

The only way to avoid arrest is to hide. By growing a big fluffy beard.

IRAQ SADDAM CAPTURE    
Sad & Rad: Grew facial hair to delay capture.

It won’t work forever, but it will give you an extra few years to pursue your other interests, be they hole-dwelling or alternative medicine. And it’s mobile – you carry your disguise around with you. On your face. Clever.

The trouble is that now both Saddam Hussein and Radovan Karadzic have utilised this method of concealment, the authorities know exactly what to look out for. That being, of course, big fluffy beards. Which makes you wonder – what have Gandalf and Father Christmas been up to and how long before they get arrested?

    
San & Gan: Possibly guilty of war crimes?

“Sorry son, Christmas is cancelled this year. Remember: Santa is on trial for ordering the slaying of 3,000 innocent muslim men. You can have your train set next year if they haven’t hanged him.”

ANCWL comments trouble the nation

Following  the outspoken comments of Julius Malema, the President of the ANC Youth League (ANCYL) two weeks ago that he and his followers would “take up arms and kill for Jacob Zuma”, the President of the ANC Women’s League (ANCWL), Nosiviwe Mapisa-Nqakula, has now landed herself in hot water with comments made at the organisations annual gathering in Bloemfontein:

My friends, my fellow women, my comrades. We must make it clear to the nation that we are fully behind Jacob Zuma. We support Zuma. We will iron for Zuma.

While her remarks gained widespread support from the delegates at the conference, opposition parties were less impressed. Leader of the opposition, Helen Zille, described the comment as “inflammatory”.

It’s another step in the wrong direction from some factions of the ANC. Making such inflammatory statements as being willing to iron for Zuma is irresponsible. It sends out the wrong message – it’s a small step from there to inciting widespread hoovering.

Mrs Zille refused to make any further comment, saying that she had pressing matters to attend to “but not Jacob Zuma’s trousers”.

An important announcement

Helen Zille will never be allowed to rule this website – never ever.
Only God, who appointed me, will remove me: not the DA, not the British. Only God will remove me.

I hope this is clear. Also, I will not be allowing NGOs to work in the rural areas beyond the dining room without my express permission. And I’m already organising pre-printed voting forms for next year’s SA Blog Awards.

In other news, you can now enjoy some randomised rhetoric from the archives of this illustrious site by checking under the post from the past link about halfway down the sidebar on the right. So even if you’ve only just joined the 6000 miles… family, you can still show off to your mates by quoting something I wrote last March.

Brilliant.

Never read the small print

I’ve hurt my arm.

It’s nothing serious, but it is pretty painful. My doctor sent me for precautionary x-rays, which showed that everything is ok bonewise. She also gave me some anti-inflammatory tablets which she enthused about. In fact, she got quite carried away, reminding me of my wife when she discovers something else she can do with MS Excel.
Sheesh – accountants/doctors/other happy professionals.

Anyway, such was the doctor’s excitement over these tablets, I found that my scientific curiousity had been somewhat stimulated. I was almost quivering with mounting anticipation as I headed home from the pharmacy.
As soon as I got in and had removed the scrambled egg from the carpet, sofa and curtains (see: 2-year-old, having a), I went through the HUGE package insert. After a while, I realised that despite my years of medical training, I was struggling to understand a word of it. Then I realised I was looking at the Afrikaans side.

Etorikoksib word omvattend in die lewer gemataboliseer en minder as 1% van die dosis word in die urine as onveranderde geneesmiddel herwin.

Which, for a non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drug is pretty remarkable. And probably accounts for the mean oral bioavailability of 100%, which impressed me too.
Etoricoxib (the English spelling) is a COX-2 inhibitor. Stop sniggering at the back. 
Hmm. That’s obviously enough of the exciting pharmacology.

I moved onto the section entitled Side Effects and Special Precautions.  Yes – we’ve all seen renal failure, dyspepsia, nausea, dizziness, headache and the obligatory DEATH (“Don’t say we didn’t warn you, Mr Thousand!”). However, I was taken completely by surprise by what I read after those little gems. It was there I came across the best side effect I’ve ever heard of:

“detachment of the top layer of skin from the lower layers of the skin all over the body”

How cool is that? You too can be a snake for a day. Just don’t roll in salt afterwards.

I’m off out for a curry this evening – can you imagine the reaction as I moult gently into the shared naan bread?
“Hmm – this is a bit flaky tonight… not up to their usual standard.”

Problems in Zim, Problems in Sheffield

Just when the poor people stuck just over the border (though admittedly a border a long, long way from me here) thought that bent elections, crooked politicians, ridiculous inflation, food shortages, violence and intimidation were the only minor issues they had to face upon getting up this morning, comes this.

Yes, according to the BBC News website, African leaders have now taken their lead from Thabo Mbeki and Mad Bob and are further conspiring against the Zimbabwean people – and not just any Zimbabwean people – some the most vulnerable: Amputees.


BBC News spells it out clearly. No arms for Zim.

I am appalled.  How are these unfortunate people supposed to find gainful employment when their prosthetic limbs are denied entry to the country over some inconsequential political spat?

Meanwhile back in Sheffield, copper theft from electricity substations is out of control, apparently.
No – wait – surely I mean Cape Town?
Hmm – this is the perfect home from home, it seems.