Bovine Blockage

Incoming from The Tall Accountant:

I turned into Upper Buitengracht St this morning in front of our building (in the CITY CENTRE) and had to drive around 2 cows!
I kid you not – photo on the way.

And here it is, with the cattle safely removed from the dangerous traffic flow.

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It looks like Sheffield on a Friday night. But without the vomit and the fighting.
“Leave ‘im, Buttercup – ‘e’s not worth it!”

For those of you who don’t know where Upper Buitengracht Street is (let alone how to pronounce it), here’s a map showing you just how close this is to the actual centre of the city of Cape Town.

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As The Tall Accountant says:

This tops the goat that was loose about a year ago.  

Absolutely. And that thing with those chickens.

When I go…

When I go, I don’t want a big fuss. I fully intend to be around for a long time yet and then I’ll just quietly slip off if that’s OK.
No lying in state for a week (especially if it’s summer) for people to come and pay their last respects and comment on how I’m looking so much better than I did last week (when I was, at least, alive).
No fancy horse-drawn carriage parade through the street while crowds of wailing locals throw flowers and rocks as I pass by. I don’t need that.

All I really ask is a few close friends and family, Morten Harket’s Spanish Steps and some decent tuna and cucumber sandwiches at the wake.

Oh – and not to be stuck in the back of a Medi-Sprint bakkie next to some TB specimens and a box of flat-bottomed 96-well assay plates.
If that’s not too demanding.

People ask why I’m always carrying my camera around with me. Well, it’s because if I didn’t, I’d miss stuff like this.

I have no idea where Medi-Sprint were delivering it to, but I guess there probably wasn’t actually any real need to sprint, when you think about it.

Medi-Sprint’s tagline is: We Deliver – You Relax.

SARS block 6000 miles… – reinstate access to 2oceansvibe in November net crackdown

Shocking news from a regular 6000 miles… commenter:
In a heinous act of censorship, SARS – those people who very efficiently take our money off us all year and then tell us how great they are because they give us a little bit of our own money back – have blocked access to this website from their premises.

According to our source, each month, SARS “chooses” the 50 top sites “to be investigated” which essentially means “to be blocked” and 6000 miles… has found itself on the November list – probably due to its huge popularity amongst SARS employees. I’m not entirely sure that huge popularity amongst SARS employees is something to crow about, since they are presumably mainly grey tax accountants and over-zealous IT workers who apparently have nothing better to do than block decent Cape Town blogs.

Meanwhile, perhaps demonstrating a lack of huge popularity amongst SARS employees, access to Seth Rotherham’s 2oceansvibe.com has been reinstated at the revenue service. Or maybe this just indicates that there is a plan to bring in some sort of Tits & Ass tax in the next budget.

I would urge all SARS employees to access this site via mobile technology as often as possible so that they don’t miss out on the latest news and information, pictures of my kids and amusing stories from around the world.

6000 miles… is, of course, fully enabled for mobile viewing.

UPDATE: Apparently, the thousands of SARS officials surfing 6000 miles…at work was slowing down the whole eFiling process by overloading the servers with quality blog posts. Really.

This is it

I have been waiting for the perfect time to share this little bit of video footage with the 6000 miles… reading public.

And this is it. Because today marks the release of the Michael Jackson documentary and this is my bit of Michael Jackson tribute.

Don’t get me wrong – I’m no fan of MJ and I am more than ready for the whole thing to go away now. Which of course it won’t.
So, if you can’t beat them, join them and show the world your love of Michael. Sham on!

Which brings me to this video. Please allow me to set the scene:
It was filmed in Trafalgar Square, London UK on Sunday 5th July 2009 – 10 days after Michael popped some propofol and shortly thereafter, his clogs. A group of (mainly) middle-aged women had got together and were self-consciously dancing around a CD player which was quietly knocking out MJ hits.
Rarely have I seen a group so uncomfortable in their own skins. This was clearly the first IRL meet-up of an MJ internet forum. No-one knew anyone else and all present seemed to be disappointed with the turnout, the company, the organisation, the venue and the weather.

Until the forum loony turns up. Dressed in white crocs, cream opaque tights under white fishnets, blue polka dot shorts, a dark Union Jack top and a floppy hat, she (at least, I think it was a she) promptly demonstrated how MJ would have done things if he’d been a MJ forum loony.


MJ never did it like this

Note how the others in the group aren’t quite sure how to react. Two of them attempt to turn the loony dance into some sort of  Thriller move. It doesn’t work and they give up and try to ignore the loony.
In the end, it turned into two tributes – one with some middle-aged women shuffling around a cd player and one with a loony prancing all over Trafalgar Square. 

Just how MJ would have wanted it. But with less small children.

Enough babies already!

I saw this letter in The Times earlier this week. It made me laugh.

I am a poor pensioner and taxpayer – I cannot afford to pay for your sexual urges.
The world and South Africa has enough people, please don’t be stupid and selfish and add more at my expense.

More people means more power stations are needed, more schools, more hospitals, more houses, more jobs (from where?), more dams, more roads, more prisons, more police, more global warming and so on, and I am expected to pay for all of this.

Think of me, yourselves, the rest of the world and the child before you make babies.

RL, by email

While RL’s plea may strike a chord with a number of  taxpayers, who (as in most other countries around the world) subsidise those “less fortunate” than themselves, I can’t see his/her message catching on. With 4.3 babies born per second worldwide, another 17.2 (ish) have arrived while you’ve been reading this sentence. Don’t tell RL – that sort of stat would kill him/her.

Of course, if RL was to pop his/her clogs, then it would – by RL’s reckoning, at least – be a good thing for the world. We’d need 0.00000001 less hospitals, 0.00000001 less power stations and dams. Schools would probably be unaffected, but there would be 1 whole house more. Which has got to be a step in the right direction. Unless you’re RL. 

However, if RL were to be cremated, that would add to global warming, so instead, we’d need more space in the local cemetery.  

Hmm. Swings and roundabouts. No – wait – that’s a playground, not a cemetery. But you know what I mean.

The problem with RL’s idea of thinking of him/her before submitting to your sexual urges is that, were one to think about a grumbling pensioner (like thinking of dead kittens or Manto Tshabalala-Msimang (remember her?)) while in the throes of passion, then the sexual urges would probably go away. Rapidly.

But then, maybe that’s RL’s plan.