Scandi #RBOSS

A (quite literally) horrifying image greeted me as I skipped through Facebook yesterday evening. This was it:

Wasn’t this just another repulsive oversaturation of Ramsey Bay in a desperate attempt to garner Facebook likes for the purposes of self-validation?

Almost.

But no. Imagine my dismay when I noted that this was a sunset in Bergen, Norway (but yes, still repulsively oversaturated probably in a desperate attempt to garner Facebook likes for the purposes of self-validation).

Bergen #RBOSS. Ugh.

I thought that the Norwegians had more taste than to wander down the rather tacky road of faking just how beautiful a beautiful view can be. And much like the Manx (and those of us in Cape Town) they are really spoiled for beautiful views that honestly don’t need ruining just because you feel that you need people to click on a certain part of their screen when looking at them.

Wholly unnecessary.

This rapid dissemination of #RBOSS is hugely concerning. Like the epidemiology of measles through a stupidly unvaccinated population or the ridiculous geographical expansion of Constantia, it’s frankly terrifying and needs to be stopped.

Don’t #RBOSS.

Mostly snorfing

Today’s beagle walk through Claremont, up that hill in Bishopscourt and back down through Wynberg Park was a slow one. The reason for this was the sheer amount of snorfing that occurred while we were out.

Beagles, much like humans, have 5 senses. The touch and taste are very much the same in both species, but that’s pretty much where the similarities end. Beagle sight is used exclusively for spotting squirrels, and it works quite well.
Sadly however, their hearing is often clearly muffled by large flappy ears. Spoken instructions or commands are usually ignored, not just because of the stubborn nature of the breed, but also because they are often simply not heard underneath those ridiculous, huge, pendulous hanging bits of furry skin on either side of its head.

Evolution has not favoured the beagle’s hearing system. Unless it detects the sound of a food item being unwrapped in the kitchen, of course.
Then there doesn’t seem to be any handicap at all.

However, what natural selection has removed from the aural abilities of the breed, it has surely made up for in that nose. So much so, in fact, that it has gone beyond a mere sense of smell to something far more complex and important: snorfing.

You won’t find snorfing in any dictionary, but every beagle owner will be able to describe it to you in intimate detail. Most every beagle walk will involve a huge amount of snorfing. It starts suddenly, usually resulting in some sort of shoulder injury for the human on the other end of the lead. And yes, it’s a bit like any other dog sniffing, but it’s somehow deeper, stronger: more detailed, more meaningful. Watching your beagle snorf (together with the added sound of internal snorfing ducts opening and closing), one can almost image a multicoloured, three-dimensional map being assembled in its mind as to what has been there, what they did, where they went and perhaps even so much as a telephone number and/or contact details of their owner, where applicable. It is a fascinating thing to behold.

Sadly, it’s also a very thorough and time-consuming process, and because beagle walks are often interrupted with several prolonged snorfing sessions, you don’t quite get all the exercise you might have been hoping for.
For reference, I walk almost twice as quickly when I don’t a snorfing beagle by my side.

That’s why you never see anyone running with a beagle. You’d literally get nowhere.

#RBOSS continues

The original #RBOSS post is here. Do go and read it.

Here’s a tall ship in Ramsey Bay, Isle of Man this morning:

Beautiful. But then someone (slightly further away and a bit more to the left) hit the #RBOSS button to get some more Facebook likes:

Yowzers! The sky is aflame!
Vibrance and hue pushed to the max!

“Saturation is at Warp Factor 9! She cannae take anymore, Captain!”
[sound of photo editing program exploding]

Here’s the same Snapseed Criminal at it again on Monday morning:

My fok, Marelize.
Really. Don’t do this. No need.

Danny Daycare

Danny MacAskill (see 6000 passim) takes his friends’ daughter out for a spin around Scotland. Brilliant.

There’s also a really cool “behind the scenes” video here.

I mean, Daisy was easy to work with; Danny was a challenge, really.

Good, silly fun. Definitely worth 4 minutes of your Sunday.

First Horseman Sighted, Detained.

Breaking News here on your favourite neighbourhood blog: the much-anticipated first official sighting of a Horseman Of The Apocalypse has officially taken place somewhere around the border between Lesotho and the Free State. And while everyone thought they knew exactly which of the quartet was going to have a go at finishing us all off first, it’s a shock victory for Plague over the odds-on favourite, War.

In fact, the bug in question – Bacillus anthracis – is arguably much worse than Yersinia pestis (which causes bubonic plague). This one causes Anthrax: it’s all over landlocked Lesotho like a heavily infected blanket, and now it’s knocking at the door of SA.

The Veterinary Authority of Lesotho has reported three anthrax outbreaks to the World Organisation for Animal Health.

The department of agriculture, forestry and fisheries (DAFF) has banned livestock imports and their products from Lesotho into South Africa, following a report of a susceptible anthrax outbreak.

According to a report, the first outbreak started on May 12, and a total of 24 cattle were reported to have died of anthrax.

The good news for SA is that this first Horseman of the Apocalypse won’t be allowed to enter the country on his noble steed, due to the implementation of those livestock imports. And any of the other Horsemen of the Apocalypse – War, Famine and Conquest – hoping to cross the border into SA to kill us all, would likely also be stopped by these draconian, yet necessary, restrictions.

It’s actually a bit of an own goal for Plague, who has been under constant pressure since Fleming’s discovery of penicillin in 1928 and the vaccine work of Edward Jenner and Jonas Salk, both of which have really limited the options available when it comes to ending the world through disease.
Even though his policy of over-prescription of antibiotics and his recruitment of Andrew Wakefield in the late 90s has had some detrimental effect on the general health of the human race, we’re actually still some way from losing the war with microbes. And this new development of trapping each of his companions on the wrong side of a border point near Maseru is certainly not going to win him any fans amongst those anxious to see all life ending in South Africa – and indeed, the world.

I know. Few would have thought that the planet’s impending doom would have been altogether less impending because of some underpaid Home Affairs officials in the middle of the Free State countryside, but it does seem that, with the scary blokes and their equine companions banged up in Lesotho, the world is safe – at least for the time being.

We’ll be keeping you updated on this story as Donald Trump sends in American helicopters and a Navy Seals extraction team to grab War and Conquest ahead of his planned nuclear obliteration of Iran.

Happy Days.