Good advice from the EFF

There’s no political party that speaks for me. Some have good ideas (some don’t), some have decent people working within them (some don’t), some are doing a good job (some aren’t).

They all have their drawbacks.

Much like all the others, the EFF obviously sees itself as the voice of a certain group of people. I am not one of them. A situation that I think suits us both. It doesn’t mean that I can’t enjoy their press releases though. Such as this one from the Gauteng branch, complaining that some troublemakers are up to no good.

Fighters must always be super vigilant by not allowing nefarious elements to infiltrate our structures on the ground as an attempt to delegitimise our revolutionary and radical programmes… All Fighters must guard against mischief; protect the movement and its wholesome integrity, across the province.

Thing is, while it’s comical (jou ma se “wholesome integrity”) and full of self-important and reactionary rhetoric, I quite like the idea behind it.

Apply this – not to EFF ground staff, but to your life – and suddenly it makes a whole lot more sense. None of us should be letting nefarious elements infiltrate our structures, sullying our good name and delegitimising our actions. Christians do this sort of thing with Satan. Same same.

Also, ensure that your uninfiltrated structures know how organised programmes of your organisation are organised: as the EFF in Gauteng tell us:

Structures of the EFF know how programmes of the organisation are organised.

You can’t put it more simply than that. And talking of communication, make sure that mostly all of the programmes you’re doing is verifiable. No point in unverified programmes.

Mostly, all our programmes are verifiable with all [uninfiltrated] structures of the leadership of the [organised] organisation.

Mostly, all my blog posts are great.

Mostly.

Keep on keeping on, EFF.
Your media statements continue to be a joy to read.

How to save money (for South Africans)

Here’s one that’s going to divide the readership.
Oh, and the way this panned out in my head overnight, it may include some swearing.
So… you know… be warned.

Earlier this week, I saw a lot of people tweeting, sharing and generally acting holier-than-thou online about Black Friday:

“Save 100% this Black Friday by staying at home and not buying anything!”

Which is your prerogative, of course. And I really do understand the sentiment. But if you have been after a flatscreen TV for a couple of months like my mother-in-law has, then why not wait until Black Friday and get the model you want for 30% less?

(She did, yes.)

So, if you need something or if you have planned and saved to buy something, then actually, Black Friday is a very good day to go and buy it.

This isn’t a post about saving money on Black Friday though. This – at least as far as I can work out – is an absolute no-brainer of an idea which will not only save South African individuals a chunk of change, but will also make the world a much nicer place. Which is why it will never catch on.

Yep: we’re back on the concert thing. We have been here before. Often.

We went to see James at Kirstenbosch last night. Here’s them.

Great band, great venue, great gig. Tickets were R545 each. And here in SA, that’s a reasonable price to pay to see an international act. (For reference, Ed Sheeran is coming to Cape Town Stadium next year and prices range from R395 to (eina!) R1360.)

Only the one issue then: once again, many of the crowd talked loudly to one another throughout the entire fecking concert. Not quietly, because that would have been only mildly disrespectful and would have necessitated actually thinking of other people. No. The band played loudly, so they shouted to each other across their picnic blankets about this, that and the other.

Why?

Look, I don’t get it. And [deity] knows I’ve tried to understand. If you want to talk to each other, stay home and talk to each other. If you want to shout to each other, stay home, turn the tele on loudly and shout to each other. If you want to shout to each other across a picnic blanket, why not chuck one down in front of the loud TV and shout at each other across it?

It’s not rocket surgery.

Don’t spend five hundred and forty five fecking Rands each to sit on a dark grassy slope and ruin things for people who – really weirdly – have actually turned up at a concert to hear the band playing and not you shouting to your mate about taking junior to the fecking Constantia Uitsig fecking bike park in the morning.

Stay home.

I just saved you R1090. That’s, like, two overpriced coffees while he’s on the pisspoor dirt track tomorrow. Boom.

Or if you really did pay your Rands to come along to hear the band, then couldn’t your utterly mundane shouty conversation just have waited for an hour and a half?
You bunch of self-absorbed, stereotypical, Southern Suburbs twats.
No wonder everyone hates you.

[deep breath]

Look, I know things won’t change. [narrator: and he was right.]
But they should. [narrator: *chuckles*]

If any of the promoters or venues are reading this (spoiler: they’re not), then please consider designating a section of the audience to be a “quiet zone” like this. Not for people to sit there silently and still, but just for them not to talk throughout all the songs.
An area where people who want to hear the music, who paid to hear the music, can hear the music and not details of the personal experience of one student in last week’s 1st year Economics exam at UCT.
Because I really don’t want to hear that ever anyway. But least of all when I’ve paid 600 bucks to enjoy a concert.

 

Rant over. Until next time, obviously.

Did Britpop cause Brexit?

Question in the Grauniad:

No.

 

(Which, to be fair, the article itself also thankfully concludes.)

Sports which can be cancelled because of windy weather

Yachting:

While offshore and trans-oceanic racers clearly have no choice but to face the conditions at sea, high winds can also be associated with large waves on inshore courses. Since inshore craft are often smaller than their long-range cousins, races may be delayed or abandoned completely should the race organisers feel that conditions could pose a risk to the safety of the crews or officials.

Aerobatics:

The Red Bull Air Race™ pilots are all very experienced in their field. However, the maneuverability of their aircraft depends on the use of a light airframe, and this can easily be affected by adverse wind conditions. The Red Bull Air Race™ tour around the world is timed to try to avoid well-known local seasonal meteorological “hotspots”. However, if the safety of pilots or spectators is ever called into question, the race will be halted, postponed or completely abandoned.

Jenga:

When played outside, excessive wind can result in the tower being unstable and premature tumbling may occur. If this happens, Rule 8.6(a) allows for the event to either be postponed or moved to a suitable indoor location, provided all competitors are in agreement.

Archery:

Generally only an issue in very high winds, especially those from lateral or semi-lateral directions, driftage of arrows between bow and target could result in potential injury to those in the vicinity. In these instances, competition is suspended until conditions improve. A 4 hour suspension is allowed for by the World Archery Federation, provided that failing light does not then become an additional hazard because of the delay.

Lawn Bowls:

A “howling northwester” (also known as a “stiff breeze”) is usually the only category of wind which can result in cancellation of a game of lawn bowls. Should these be the prevailing conditions, an announcement should be made not earlier than 1 hour and 3 minutes before play is due to commence (when a game has been arranged for 6 weeks or more). While the safety of competitors is unlikely to be compromised by a bit of a blow, the game “is meant to be fun” and clearly, attempting to roll some heavy balls in a mildly gusty Force 5 while nursing a massive hangover falls outside that descriptor.
Competitors should note that there is no internal appeals system within the informal lawn bowls organisation, and any photos of administrators passed out drunk at a party a few hours before the official start time which were shared on social media platforms should be overlooked.
It was entirely the “howling northwester” that was to blame.

Badminton (Outdoor):

You’re taking the piss, right? Completely unmanageable.
[avoids all of the jokes about blowing cocks all over the place]

 

How was your Sunday morning?

Blame

I was just about to write a blog post about something nice, but then I saw this pop up:

Here’s the link.

As is often the case with these religious things, I’m struggling a bit here.

Presumably, there are some bad things which happen which are sent to test us, and then there are other bad things which happen which are actually sent from the devil. It would seem that someone somewhere upstairs (no, not that high) in the Catholic church has decided that the sexual abuse scandals have now slipped into the latter category, and can be attributed directly to Beelzebub himself.

Sunshine? Moonlight? Good time? No, it woz Lucifer wot dun it.

This new-found allegation has two very convenient results: firstly, that the Catholic church wasn’t at fault here – it was, after all, entirely the work of Satan. And who (other perhaps than God’s representative incarnate on Earth) could have known that? Blameless, innit?

And secondly – like a microbiologist diagnosing an infection – now we know what is responsible, be can do something about sorting it out. The microbiologist would use an antibiotic, the Pope is going to use a daily prayer to St. Michael the Archangel. And that should clear up the discharge in just a couple of days.

So yeah – same same, when you think about it. Except that the infection doesn’t usually leave altar boys with PTSD.

I am, as ever, unimpressed.