Need a snack? Of course you do. You need a really great snack.
Maybe you need even more than that.
Maybe you need The Ultimate Snacking Experience.
Only THE MUNCHIE MAN® – instantly recognisable as a furious gentleman surrounded by eggs – can bring you The Ultimate Snacking Experience.
Want to play? Obviously. But we need to start with a disclaimer. Legal spiegel, capisce?
Before setting off on the journey that will bring you to the nirvana that is The Ultimate Snacking Experience, you should be warned that once you have experienced The Ultimate Snacking Experience, every other subsequent snacking experience that you experience will be a disappointment. That’s why this is called The Ultimate Snacking Experience and not Just Any Old Snacking Experience.
This is it.
It gets no better than this.
By definition, there can be no great snacking experience than The Ultimate Snacking Experience, for it is The Ultimate Snacking Experience. Beholdeth it.
But why, you may ask, why is this The Ultimate Snacking Experience? How did THE MUNCHIE MAN® come to create The Ultimate Snacking Experience – what steps were taken to ensure that this would become The Ultimate Snacking Experience?
That’s easy. THE MUNCHIE MAN® began by using First Choice Quality Nuts & Dried Fruit. When it came to the handing out of choices of Quality Nuts & Dried Fruit, THE MUNCHIE MAN® was there at the front of the queue. No-one ahead of him. Not Chuck Norris. Not Bakkies Botha. Not even Riaan Cruywagen in a jacuzzi. He was there. Number one. Numero Uno.
And THE MUNCHIE MAN® chose wisely. And first.
But it could all still have gone horribly wrong. There’s more to creating The Ultimate Snacking Experience than just utilising the First Choice Quality Nuts & Dried Fruit as your staple ingredients. Far more. Watch and learn.
Once he has his First Choice Quality Nuts & Dried Fruit, THE MUNCHIE MAN® adds those two qualities that lesser Ultimate Snacking Experience maker wannabes often omit.
I’m talking Extra Care – Extra Freshness.
First, THE MUNCHIE MAN® treats that First Choice Quality Nuts & Dried Fruit with kid gloves, he treats them like a good wine, he treats them like a lady, like a newborn baby duckling, he takes them dancing on the lawns of stately homes. Motherly love ain’t got nothing on this. This is Extra Care.
And then, as if that wasn’t enough, THE MUNCHIE MAN® adds the Extra Freshness. We all know that legend states that only THE MUNCHIE MAN® and Willy Wonka can do this to a snack, and – sorry to break this to you so bluntly – Willy Wonka is merely a fictional character from a children’s book first published in 1964.
Game over. You lose, William.
By a process of direct elimination, that just leaves THE MUNCHIE MAN® with the ability to add Extra Freshness to that First Choice Quality Nuts & Dried Fruit.
It’s possibly where the word unique comes from.
It’s what makes this The Ultimate Snacking Experience.
Hey, hey, I hear you at the back with your concerns about your religious sensibilities limiting your snacking choices.
Don’t. Panic. THE MUNCHIE MAN® has got that all in hand.
It’s covered, bru. Covered.
THE MUNCHIE MAN® studied The Torah before he embarked on project The Ultimate Snacking Experience. Extensively.
THE MUNCHIE MAN® read the Qur’an. Twice. Cover to cover.
You’re in the clear with The Ultimate Snacking Experience. Completely.
When you choose the The Ultimate Snacking Experience, you get Banana Slices Choice. No flying, creeping things here. No beasts having fangs. It’s all street legal, Musa spp.
It’s what your religious elders would choose if they wanted to snack.
Why would it not be? This is, after all, The Ultimate Snacking Experience.
Look, I’d like to think I have amply explained this product, together with the derivation and appropriateness of its nomenclature to you. I’d like to think that you have learned something from my brief presentation.
Take it to the rugby. Take it to a picnic. Eat it instead of toast.
Isn’t it time that you moved up to The Ultimate Snacking Experience?