Ban the Vuvuzela?

As expected, the vuvuzela is causing a bit of a stir at the World Cup 2010. And it’s prompting a huge number of really silly comments on news sites (BBC, Sky News etc) – mainly from people whining about how they don’t like the noise.

Ag, shame.

It’s like watching the game in the middle of a beehive.

Is it? How exactly have you worked this out, because you seem very sure. Have you got vast experience of watching football matches in apiaries? Wouldn’t the whole stinging thing be worse than the noise, anyway? Presumably, you took some sort of Epi-pen or similar anti-histamine device with you to counteract any anaphylactic shock caused by being repeatedly stung. I could never do that beehive thing.
Admittedly, I did get very drunk and watch a couple of games from Korea/Japan 2002 in an anthill, but ants are pretty quiet and so the atmosphere wasn’t great. I’m not sure I’d be welcome back anyway after I fell over and broke an egg chamber – and my evening ended as I was thrown out by the bouncers. All 1,280,000 of them.
But bees – I might give that a go. Honey sandwiches all round, what ho!

Patrice Evra – We can’t hear one another out on the pitch because of them.

Patrice, dude. I was there on Friday night. It really wasn’t very loud at all. Do you know what I think? I think that your team didn’t get three points because they actually didn’t play very well. Your strikers couldn’t hit a cow’s arse with a banjo and your right back had a particularly bad game.
What – that was you? Oh – how embarrassing.
Anyway, it looked to me like Germany didn’t have many problems hearing each other on the pitch last night. Maybe it was a different kind of vuvuzela in Durban. Or maybe they just have louder voices. Or maybe they actually just played well.
And it’s not like you Frenchies don’t have a bit of history with annoying trumpets at your stadiums, is it? Who could forget that horrid little fanfare thing you repeatedly played over the PA systems at the 2007 Rugby World Cup to occasionally keep people interested? Or that annoying singing sound you call La Marseillaise?

Presumably Thierry and Sidney were blaming the ball for their errant shooting as well. It’s true that it does fly slightly differently at altitude, but then you weren’t at altitude for Friday’s match. Well – you were at about 15m altitude, I suppose. Would you like us to move all the stadiums to sea level for you? The salt water won’t do the grass much good, but then you can blame the pitch as well.
I did note that Germany were also virtually playing on the beachfront last night and I have to say that my good mate Miroslav didn’t seem to have much trouble with getting shots on target.
Probably a different ball thing, right?

Also – no protests from Mexico, who faced a 90,000-strong plastic trumpet army on Friday.
But then, they’re not French, are they?

I find them very uninspiring and I have to get up leave the room.

Patrice? Is that you again?
No – it’s some England fan from England commenting on the Sky News site. And he’s proving himself wrong. How can he call them uninspiring when he is inspired to get up and leave the room? That’s inspiration right there.
I was also inspired to get up and leave the room by Robert Green’s horror show and England’s lacklustre performance on Saturday evening, but as long as we’re talking about vuvuzelas, we’re not talking about that, are we? It’s Julius Malema style diversion tactics (as copied by Patrice Evra).
And anyway, could it have been a surprise blast from a plastic trumpet that made the England keeper spill that weak effort into the goal? Or perhaps the fear that he was being attacked by some bees?

Ha! What a pathetic shot, Mr Dempsey. I won’t even need to get my body behind that one, even though it’s the first thing they teach you at goalie school. I’ll just – ARGH! BEES! I’M BEING ATTACKED BY SOME BEES! – oops!

Look. The vuvuzela is part of the African football experience. I’m sorry you don’t like it. But what you like is not of interest to me right now – you want a World Cup in Africa, then have an African World Cup. Otherwise, let’s just go back in sterile Germany every four years with their wonderful trains, half-decent Weissbier and concerning habit of occasionally annexing other nearby nations.
Actually, it’s my concern that the traditional samba drums will prevent players hearing each other on the pitch in Brazil in 2014. But although we’re all aware of that potential issue right now, several years in advance, let’s rather wait until the first few days of the tournament and then have all the players and fans of teams that turn in below-par performances complain bitterly about it.

Ban the vuvuzela? Good luck to you.
As the (South African influenced) Kaiser Chiefs once sang: “I predict a riot”.

EDIT: Sepp’s on my side

EDIT 2: Pierre de Vos hits the real nail on the head.

68 thoughts on “Ban the Vuvuzela?

  1. Now I KNOW that you are an intellectually challenged moron!

    Please explain:-

    Why I am a liar? If you can find one lie in any blog of mine you get R20 000.00. If you don’t you pay me R2000.00. Not bad odds seeing you have convinced yourself that I am a liar. Ask for details on any of the my statements in this blog and you will get the proof or I pay BUT lose and you pay me R2 000.00. Deal?

    Why killing animals for ritual and/or pleasure has anything to do with the fact that we eat to survive?

    Why you believe that 90 000 000 people align themselves with ritualistic/pleasure killing? In other words what percentage of your sample group agree with you (10%; 50%; 80%) or do you think that your sample group of Spaniards and Africans is in agreement with you to the tune of 100%.

    I have no problem with the killing of animals for survival – whether that be the killing of animals by animals or animals by humans. I do have a problem when the act of killing involves enjoyment which to my mind indicates a degree of sadistic sickness.

    We can debate the pros and cons of capital punishment which is a legitimate debate but when we start debating the pros and cons of the enjoyment by the executioner of his job then we enter the dark world of disturbed and distorted personality types.

    There is vast difference between someone who kills to eat (like the Bushman) and a hunter who relishes and enjoys the act of killing and then using the fact that we need to eat as an excuse for his distasteful enjoyment at the suffering of a creature.

    Every one of us is to die. This is part of life and it’s cycle. However when one derives pleasure from this normal and sometimes sad cycle of life (death) then I call this a sickness.

    If bull fighting is not for the enjoyment of the spectator (and matador) then pray tell why does the spectator attend this disgusting spectacle? This enjoyment I define as fun but if you wish to use another word which ultimately comes down to pleasure then be my guest. It all adds to the same thing.

    Whaling is of course a completely different kettle of fish (no pun intended – and yes I know that a whale is a mammal so spare the childish retort). The whalers are in it for business (scientific research – bollocks)and the anti group assign to the whale some higher order of merit than say a fox. My stand is bemusement that fox hunting is far more repulsive and yet more tolerated. Maybe if foxes looked like whales it might be different.

    To summarise I believe there is nothing wrong with killing for food or fur (with exceptions) but when the killer derives pleasure from the act he is in need of some psychiatric help. Ritualistic killings of course may or may not involve pleasure but this does not make them less revolting.

  2. “Vuvuzelas, the deafening plastic trumpets, which have attracted complaints from viewers and players alike at this year’s FIFA World Cup in South Africa, have been banned from the next World Cup in Brazil.” – The Economic Times.

    Hahahahahahaha! What a poplular thing this thing is – so popular and so good for football that FIFA have supposedly banned this useless piece of plastic rubbish!!!!

    Excuse me whilst I do my vistory lap!

  3. “Borussia Dortmund supporters are among the most vocal in Germany and the Westfalenstadion has a capacity of 81,000.

    “General manager Hans-Joachim Watzke was unequivocal: “Our fans don’t want to have these trumpets. It is nerve-racking and completely drowns out any chanting.”

    “He added: “We have decided as a work group at Borussia Dortmund that these horrid things will be forbidden from the Westfalenstadion.” ”

    Ha ha ha ha – “these horrid things” – Is that a compliment?

  4. Mike > You told us you weren’t coming back. And then you did come back. Repeatedly.
    So you lied. I’ll send you my account details for the transfer of the money presently.
    Like I said in that post – you’re a hypocrite of you believe that there’s any difference in what happens behind closed doors in a slaughterhouse (the hint is in the name) or in the bullring.

    Mike > So the Economic Times reckons vuvuzelas will be banned in Brazil. Just like samba drums will be in England (or wherever) is 2018. Big deal.
    Enjoy your fish story.

    Mike > So the Germans ban vuvuzelas. What was it I described them as once (penultimate paragraph)? “Sterile”. Clubs in England are already planning to sell them before games next season. Vive le difference.
    Meanwhile, the vuvuzela takes over horticulture.
    Bring it. Bring the world domination.

  5. Once again -IDIOT!!!

    A lie can only be so if it untrue at the time of telling. I will never go back to Rome does not sit as a pending truth until the death of the individual lest he return (perhaps involuntarily) and thereby convert a statement of intended fact into a lie. Why do you find simple understanding so difficult? How many weatherman are liars for goodness sake!!!

    Netherlands will win the final does not become a lie if they lose – even a moron knows this.

    What happens in a bullring is the distasteful enjoyment of an animals suffering. I would have a problem if slaughterhouses (as you put it) were places of enjoyment for families to go and witness suffering. You see it is neither the bullring nor the slaughterhouse that is at fault but those who frequent such places for fun.

    Although it is necessary to first take up a challenge before diving headlong in I will deem your assertion that I lied as an acceptance of said challenge. I trust you will not honour the debt as from my reading of you, you are an entirely dishonourable and stupid excuse for a human being.

    Vuvuzelas will never see the light of day in England – and if I am wrong it is not because I lied you fool.

  6. Mike > Calm down, calm down petal. You’ll blow a fuse, bust a blood vessel etc etc.

    “you are an entirely dishonourable and stupid excuse for a human being.”
    And you, sir are utterly charmless. But never mind. Are you really going to go away this time? No.

    Vuvuzelas will never see the light of day in England? So far, I know of three clubs who are selling them and none that aren’t. My radio spot tomorrow will be dedicated to the legacy of the World Cup for SA and for the world and the vuvuzela will feature highly.

  7. Vuvuzelas will never see the light of day in the Premiership in England – mark my words. It matters not a jot whether they are banned or not – you see the English supporters just won’t be bothered with this plastic piece of junk.

    Goodbye – I will not post here again but per chance I do it is because I changed my mind and not because I lied.

    The real question is the mystery of how I allowed myself to enter a discussion with someone who seems to lack any focus or concepts of simple logic?

  8. Mike > Well, if they don’t, then they don’t. The English didn’t really use them here either – compare and contrast with the Dutch and the South Americans.

    Is that the real question, Mike? There’s quite a lot of other important questions to ask as well. Stuff about uniting the nation, proving the doubters and the detractors wrong, finding an HIV vaccine and probably some stuff about rabbits. Probably.

    But if that “why did I bother?” thing is the only important question for you, well, I I think we’ve discovered exactly what sort of person you are.

  9. I agree with Mike 100%.

    Suddenly HIV cames into pay. What is it about real questions (?) and just simply a topic and your topic too!!

    Could’t find the “why did I bother?” thing you you refer to – a pointer please.

  10. Antivuvu > Well done for agreeing with Mike, but be careful when bandying around percentages willy-nilly. Mike is a stats expert and so is his son and neither of them like that sort of behaviour.
    Can you objectively prove that your support for his point of view is complete? Would your agreement stand up to an independent audit of support? Or would it be more reasonable to suggest that maybe it’s nearer 95% or something similar?
    For instance, are you absolutely in concordance with his view that “if foxes looked like whales it might be different”?
    I actually do agree with that sentiment, because if foxes looked like whales, I think that it would be different.

    Especially for the foxes.

  11. After all the above comments I am scared to throw numbers around but wasn’t the iphone vuvuzela application downloaded something like 3.5million times….

  12. Do 6000, Mike & Pamela have nothing better to do than waffle on this thread ad nauseam.
    Jeeeeeez. Get a life (lives?) you morons.
    I hope I never hear a vuvuzela again for as long as I live.
    PS. I’m 98.

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