Trolling for Keith…

Warning! This post contains language that some may consider offensive!

Way back in July, I wrote about my feelings upon the release of Batman: The Dark Knight.
I was sick to death (no pun intended) about the amount of hype surrounding the film, which would have been much lessened were it not for one of the actors, Keith Ledger, dying during filming.

Now, a mere five months on from those wet winter days, Matilda, connecting via Boston, Massachusetts, has finally popped onto the 6000 miles… site to post her annoyance at that particular article:

matilda
takethat2008@lycos.com
65.96.221.103

    Saw what you said about Heath Ledger, go FUCK YOURSELF!!!
 

Yes, that’s really the best response that she could come up with after just 158 late nights spent rooting through numerous dictionaries, thesauri and finally, 1001 Best Insults – The Complete Beginners Guide To Swearing.  Brilliant. And a gold star for the Boston Education Department. 

Well, the hype worked and the movie earned shedloads of cash, but Keith is still dead and 11 months on from his “accidental” overdose, Matilda still hasn’t come to terms with his passing. The CAPITALIZATION and excessive punctuation!!!!! at the end there just screams of the spleen ventage of a sad, lonely, woman who only has her 27 cats and a 56k modem for company. A woman who remains deep in denial and who takes a really long time to think up comments to write on blogs.

I look forward to hearing from Matilda again soon. Well, June-ish, anyway.

EDIT: Emil may have stumbled upon something here:

matilda seems very cross with you! Probably jealous about your phone!

Yes, Emil – thinking about it,  that was probably the final icing on the coffin which broke the camels back. Good point.

SE X1

Remember back in April, when I told you that my wife had a better cell phone than I did? Of course you do. 
Well, shame-faced and mildly embarrassed since that day, I have been plotting my revenge. Not because I had anything against my lovely wife, you understand. Well, apart from the fact that it was rather unfair that she had a better cell phone than me, obviously.
Back then, in desperation and dire need of some sort of hope, I was clinging onto the straws of the C702 and the G900. Silly me. Despite the big build-up, when I actually got to see them in the flesh, they were a big disappointment. (see Smith, Graeme and Zille, Helen).

So step forward the Sony Ericsson X1 XPERIA™.
The stats looked good. The video looked even better. I was quivering with mounting anticipation. For ages. Because the only issue was that MTN couldn’t seem to get them to Cape Town.
But now they have. And now I have one.

Simply put, it is a thing of exquisite beauty: form and function combining with consummate ease in a loving, caring symbiotic relationship. It oozes class and functionality.
It’s gorgeous and I am smitten in a way I have never experienced since a winter’s evening at the Wig & Pen in George Street, Oxford some years back. And look where that got me.
Even the name (when suitably abbreviated) looks a little bit naughty, doesn’t it?

So yes, I like it a bit.
Now all I have to do is think of a suitable name for it. Oh – and learn how to use it.
And by the time I’ve mastered that, it’ll be upgrade time again.

2010 rip-off

As Sepp Blatter finally told the world that there was no plan B and that there was no way that 2010 World Cup would be held anywhere except South Africa (again), I was out and about, trying my best to fulfil his wish that South Africa must get more involved in and more enthusiastic over the event, now just days away, (albeit 542 of them).

Ever since the 2010 Mascot – a cuddly green-haired leopard called Zakumi, was revealed to the world – I have been trying to find some 2010 merchandise with him on for my young son. And it’s been harder than you might imagine. Official outlets are few and far between and even when you find one, they rarely stock children’s stuff. Good plan, guys. That’s great thinking right there. Nice work.


Zakumi

Today, I finally found what I was looking for. A t-shirt for a 3-4 year old with a picture of Zakumi on.
Yours for just… R190. (£12.70, $19, Zim$168,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000).

To me, credit crunch, global financial crisis or whatever, that is an obscene amount of money for a toddler’s t-shirt. Now, I’m not stupid*. I know that as soon as something has a logo on it, the price goes daft. But even Naartjie, South Africa’s premium over-priced kids clothing store can’t match that for a kids t-shirt.  When that happens, you know it’s stupid money time.

As with any event where there is money to be made, I expect to see plenty of knock-offs in the lead up to the tournament. And while I certainly don’t advocate buying fake merchandise, one has to say to FIFA – if you don’t want a black market, don’t create one with outrageous prices like that (you greedy bastards).

* Hush. And stop thinking that.

Learning the hard way

“Ooh!” “Ha ha!” “ROOOOOOOOOAR!”

It’s been a “fun” morning.
You know – “fun”? Like going to a local shopping mall with hopelessly inadequate parking 12 days before christmas. “Fun”. 
Yet, desperate to get into the festive spirit, despite the temperature outside being in excess of 30°C, we had headed out in search of a christmas tree. We chose to go artificial this year. Not ideal, but when you consider the utterly appalling range of twigs and mangled branches which claim to be the genuine article, together with their propensity to shed razor sharp needles all over the floor after being in one’s house for more than an hour, not really a tough decision.
Better then to go with the neatly boxed plastic version with integral fairy lights and needle-free-carpet guarantee.

“Ooh!” “Ha ha!” “ROOOOOOOOOAR!”

Game at the Kenilworth Centre was suitably over-priced, under-stocked and chock full of clueless employees being unhelpful and impolite customers binging their 0.5% interest rate reduction away. Thanks for that, Tito
While the season and the weather here may be rather different from back home, it’s nice to recognise some of the christmas traditions have made it safely over. We went for the 6′ (180cm) version – anything else just looks foolishly small – threw it in the trolley with a bit of tinsel and some baby food and set off on the 3 mile trek back to the car, which was parked 3 miles away.

 “Ooh!” “Ha ha!” “ROOOOOOOOOAR!”

Feeling slightly weak after the ordeal of fighting our way through a billion (apparently blind) shoppers and inhaling lungfulls of car fumes during the return expedition through the parking lot, the wife suggested a stop at the McDonald’s across the road for suitable sustenance. Namely a chocolate milkshake for her, a really unhealthy burger for me, a Happy Meal for the boy and absolutely bugger all for the baby (we’re still trying to wean her off chicken mcnuggets).
And here, after all those other hard-learnt lessons about fir trees, Kenilworth Centre’s parking problems, foolish times of the year to go shopping and so on, is where I learnt the hardest lesson of all.  
“Ooh!” “Ha ha!” “ROOOOOOOOOAR!”  “Ooh!” “Ha ha!” “ROOOOOOOOOAR!”

McDonald’s Happy Meal toys now make noises. Did they ever do that before?
Sure, some of them moved and stuff, but Alex the Lion from Madagascar 2 – Escape to Africa (I tried it, it’s not too bad, but avoid Jo’burg) goes  “Ooh!” “Ha ha!” “ROOOOOOOOOAR!” every time you shake go within 10 feet of him. My little Alex is delighted that, although his chesseburger wasn’t up to much, his small leonine namesake makes a noise. Repeatedly. An  “Ooh!” “Ha ha!” “ROOOOOOOOOAR!” noise. 

Alex the Boy has gone for his midday nap now. Alex the Lion is still “Ooh!” “Ha ha!” “ROOOOOOOOOAR!”ing despite currently residing at the bottom of the swimming pool. 
Yep, you can say what you like about the Chinese, but when it comes to making annoyingly resilient cheap plastic crap, there’s no-one that comes close.

EDIT: And in reponse to this, these (with more at flickr):

        

Sorry – my mistake

Readers visiting this blog last week may have been alarmed by my reporting of the situation in Zimbabwe – especially that relating to the outbreak of deadly infectious diseases there and the potentially disastrous consequences for that country. However, after hearing the news today, it seems that those remarks were hastily made and ill-informed.

President Robert Mugabe has said Zimbabwe has contained cholera.
In a nationally televised speech, he said: “I am happy to say our doctors are being assisted by others and the WHO [World Health Organization] have now arrested cholera.”
He went on to denounce former colonial power Britain, as well as French President Nicolas Sarkozy and US President George W Bush, who both called earlier this week for the 84-year-old to resign: “Because of cholera, Mr Brown, Mr Sarkozy and Mr Bush want military intervention,” Mr Mugabe said.
He added: “Let’s tell them that the cholera cause doesn’t exist any more.” 

I would like to unconditionally apologise for any undue concern that was caused by people reading my blog and believing that our neighbours to the north were in any kind of trouble. I’m left asking myself how I could have got it so very wrong?
As Mr Mugabe has clearly stated, things are obviously completely under control up there and it all seems to have been a bit of a storm in a teacup.
I must add that they really have done a tremendous job in sorting it all out so very quickly and eradicating a disease which threatened literally tens of thousands of vulnerable people, all of whom must be celebrating this evening.
That must be some party.

Well done Mr Mugabe and a hearty pat on the back for you and your wonderful team.  And again – sorry.