MiB

A chance encounter with Will Smith’s 90s hit song Men In Black led us to seek out Will Smith’s 90s hit movie Men In Black.

Means what you think you saw, you did not see.

Except we are seeing it.

And along with some take away pizza, that’s this evening’s entertainment and dinner sorted.

This parenting lark is well easy.

Overshoot

I saw this tweet and it reminded me about a post I’ve been meaning to write for a while now.

Because, the thing is that you can’t just run the pedestrian over, much as you’d probably like to. You’d get into trouble, sure, but worse than that, we’re still struggling with water restrictions here in Cape Town and people would frown if they saw you washing the bits of skull, brain and matted hair off your bonnet.

So you have to slow down. And then they’ve won.
And then they use that technique to cross the road every time.

But pedestrians aren’t the only ones to utilise this method to get where they need to be. Our local (and already notoriously shit) drivers are doing it too.

They’ve worked out that if they approach a stop sign on a side road at a appropriately foolish speed, and perhaps overshoot the white line by, say maybe just 50cm, then any vehicles on the main road they are joining will have to slow down, rather than risk an accident.

And, like the pedestrian above, once you’ve slowed down, they’ll take advantage of the situation to complete their nefarious manoeuvre.

Newlands Road in Claremont is nice and straight and has a plethora of sideroads where one can witness this action taking place at several junctions within a single 500m stretch. It’s also where I remind myself that I must blog about this each evening, before doing nothing about it.

The perpetrators are relying on your knowledge that Cape Town drivers are so rubbish that they might actually just completely ignore a stop sign and plough into your car. And so if you try and call their bluff, there’s always a reasonable chance that a rubbish driver might actually just completely ignore a stop sign and plough into your car.

I do recognise that – short of asking you nicely not to do it – there’s not much that I can do about halting this practice.
But at least I have now documented it.

Have you experienced this? Is it merely a Cape Town phenomenon?
Are you an overshooter? If so, why do you do it, you twat?

Submit your comments using the link below.

Fool me once…

I’m not falling for that one again.

As part of Book Week at the kids’ school, there’s a sponsored readathon happening. It’s a great way of getting the kids to get into reading, and our daughter has gone for it in a big way once again.
I’m being more careful with the sponsorship this time around, though. I got stung for a great deal of money last year.

Basically, the kids have to read an age-appropriate book, take an online test on it and score over 80%. The site tells them how many words they’ve read and then they can charge you according to what you promised them on the sponsor form.

Last year, I sponsored per word. It was a tiny amount, like 1c or something. I’ll tell you what else it was: it was a huge mistake.
We encouraged our little darlings to read as much as possible – like model parents should – and we got roundly shafted.

For context, a 300 page kids book like Gangsta Granny has about 33,000 words. Yes. I was equally surprised. Because that’s already R33o of cold hard cash for a book that was knocked off by Little Miss 6000 in just a couple of days.

The readathon lasts fourteen days.

Stuff got ugly. Let’s just say that we had to honour a four-figure sum in sponsorship money last year. I’m still smarting.

This year, I’m being equally encouraging when it comes to the kids reading as much as possible. But I’m going for a flat fee per book, rather than per word. The PTA will still do OK, the kids will still feel that they’ve done something of value, and we’ll be able to eat something more than naked Salticrax for the rest of the month.

Everyone’s a winner.

Fresh from The Times of London

Well… not quite.

But CrosSword Devlin (the guy what does the 6000 miles… crossword) does publish his work in other esteemed publications, including (but not necessarily limited to) Cape Town’s Funny Money.

I’m just telling you this so you understand that you’re getting top quality craftsmanship each month; and August’s offering is no exception:

Check out that clue on 1 down: “Waterproof mammal” – I mean, all mammals are intrinsically waterproof, so there’s clearly more thinking you need to do here – but just think of the infamous snowmobile joke and you’ll be well on your way.

Your phone is listening

Here’s a VICE article about how your smartphone is listening to the things that you are saying, and is serving you adverts based upon the things that you speak about.

It’s entitled:

Your Phone Is Listening and it’s Not Paranoia

Sadly though, it does appear to have ignited quite a lot of paranoia about the fact that your phone is listening.

Am I the only one not to have known about this before?

I didn’t think this was news. I thought that this was common knowledge. After all, access to the microphone is often part of the permissions that you give apps when you download or update them.

Am I the only one not to be hugely worried by it either?

I’m not routinely planning terrorist attacks or coups d’état (although…?). And if I did, I’d make sure that my phone wasn’t right next to me. And even if it was, I’d probably only get served some google ads about terrorist attacks and coups d’état.

In fact, given that I am going to be served ads while I am on the internet, I have no issue with targeted ads. I’m wont to ignore them all anyway, but at least they might be of some interest to me.