Meanwhile in Benoni this morning…

Much reptile. So yellow. Very escaped. Wow.

I’m a regular follower of the Benoni Community Police Forum webpage. For me, there’s no better way of keeping up with the latest news on the crime front from Benoni and the surrounding area.

Technically, what follows is not a crime, per se (yet), but it did make their webpage this morning:

  • URGENT look out !!!!  Yellow Burmese python escaped from Titans reptiles at oakfileds shopping centre this snakes big enough to take out a small child please call mark 082 557 7084

Oh, Mark 082 557 7084. What have you done? How can you lose a snake big enough to eat a toddler?

While Burmese Pythons in the wild usually “only” reach an average of 3.7 metres, a superior diet (including, perhaps, small children) means that they can get much bigger in captivity:

The record maximum length for Burmese Pythons is held by a female named “Baby”, that lived at Serpent Safari, Gurnee, Illinois, for 27 years. Shortly after death, her actual length was determined to be 5.74 metres (18 feet 10 inches).

That’s a lot of snake.

Other recent examples of exotic escapees up North infamously include Panjo the tiger, Solly the hippo and the Limpopo lion, which wasn’t deemed worthy of being given a name.

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That Filling Station Cafe letter

Another photo of an “is this real?” letter, like that Bic one (which wasn’t).
This time, allegedly as a reply from a cafe owner to the Lake District National Park.


Yes, it’s pretty funny anyway, but if you deliver it in a thick Cumbrian accent (which I have no idea if Mr Graham possesses), it gets even better.

The Filling Station Cafe comes highly rated on Trip Advisor and is open today from 10-4pm.
Notably not 6pm and certainly not any later.

It can not be found in the latest Eating Out Guide, published by the Lake District National Park.

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One One Eight

Now I like beer as much as the next man, but I’m not quite as fussy as some when it comes to the trendy side of beer: “craft beer”. I love my Darling Brew Bonecrusher, but then I love my SAB Carling Black Label. I quite enjoy Steph Weiss, but I’m also more than happy with a mass-produced Windhoek.

It’s beer. I like beer.

Craft beer is a rapidly growing market though, as the video below will testify. But who exactly is drinking it – and moreover why - are they drinking it? Presumably, given that these guys are hugely knowledgeable about beer, it’s for the unique taste that mass-produced SAB beers don’t have – that special something that only the personal touch can bring.

Step forward One One Eight. It’s the new kid on the craft beer block and it’s not pulling any punches, daringly - with seemingly little thought for its reputation – heading straight into a tasting session with a group of craft beer connoisseurs.

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Yep, that’s Top Trolling by Ogilvy for SAB and Castle. Look how silly those all men suddenly look.

Reminds me a bit of weissbeer, actually. It’s got a bit of a weissbeer taste.

says the guy who keeps complaining that his wife puts chalk in his cheddar sandwiches each day.

So yes, they now all look very foolish.
But especially the guy in the pink shirt. Especially him. Because he was the most annoying one.

Because in answer to my earlier question as to why these people drink craft beer: it’s simply to be seen “drinking craft beer”. It’s the same thing as Farmer’s Market Syndrome. In fact, the two go hand in hand, as you’ll see at any Saturday morning city market.
A harsher blogger might put something about “more money than sense” here, but I won’t.

Look, if you want to drink expensive craft beer, then by all means, go and drink it. It’s probably going to be a bit expensive, but it’s probably also going to be very nice. A new experience. Something different. That’s fine.
But if you’re merely drinking it to be seen with a craft beer in your hand, then don’t pretend you’re doing it for any other reason that that.

You’re not fooling anyone with your pseudo-educated chatter, you trendy, irritating wanker.

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PistoriusBalls 14

Day Twenty-something and we’re still trying to knock off before 3pm…

Mmm. People jam is my favourite, just ahead of Strawberry, and Fig.


Sadly not. I can still see you.


Come on, people. This is very disappointing. It’s almost as if Reeva died in vain.


No idea. Have you tried the Asian percussion section in your local music shop?


Strange decision. Is the courtroom busy or something?
Oh God… will it be televised? :(

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There and being assessed

Yes, it’s another Vodacom Tablet Repair Update. By SMS.

1315: Job Number XXXXXXX has been received at the Advance Repair Centre

This is good news. Being Pseudo-Capetonian, I’m always concerned over the safety of loved ones and loved things when they head up onto the hijacker-filled, e-Tolled highways of Gauteng. Thankfully, my broken tablet has made it all the way to the ARC, where presumably it will be joined by another broken tablet, and two of every other sort of defunct device, and be safe from the 40 days of rain which has been widely forecasted by Russell Crowe.

But wait, there’s more:

1345: Job Number XXXXXXX is currently in the assessment process at the Advance Repair Centre

Game on. They’re having a look at it. This bit shouldn’t take too long, because I have already told them what’s up with it.

In fact, probably my biggest concern here is what my broken tablet was doing for the 30 minutes between SMSs. I can only presume that the ARC is so big that it actually takes 30 minutes to get from the Reception to the Assessment bit. One would think that – for reasons of efficiency – these two hives of activity would obviously be next to one another.

Equally concerning is the lack of any further promise to keep me informed by SMS.
Is this where it all ends, where the trail runs dry, where the toilet door slams?

I anxiously await the next installment, where my broken tablet hopefully heads to the Repair section – or even the Advanced Rapair section – of the Advanced Repair Centre.

It’s enthralling, isn’t it?

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